Merry Late Christmas!

I know its late :) But better late then never! I hope Santa and your loved ones treated you good!! I know they did me :) Best Christmas in a long time!

Now I have a long list of things to watch and read :D New pots and pans (whoops just bought some!) BUT that means I can finally Godwill the oldies! AWESOME Baking Pans and new cooking gadgets ;)! New pjs, a shirt and new boots! The cutest slippers ever.. Beankitty is in love with the Puffballs on them.. I keeps having to shoo her off hahah.

Oh and the best one of all.. It made me cry and then Danny felt bad!! A while back in the Hallmark store I saw these Disney plack.. (I <3 Disney ) They said some of the most precious things.. one of them just stood out at me.. Even miracles take a little time - Cinderella. Danny bought it for me.. its on our entertainment center. Its so true.. I hope and pray!

Danny got alot of Toyota stuff he has NO excuse not to work on it now hahah. A bunch of tools and stuff, welding equiments and a new carhartt, few clothes and movies, cds and a foodie things :p hahah

SO. Anyways..I'm off today.. I wanted to clean like a mad woman.. I am slowly.. Washing clothes and dishes. Need to sweep and mop the floor. I wanted to SO bad shampoo my floor.. and then the dog walks in and tracks much everywhere.. Hmm.. Might have to lock him in for a while. I need to change the sheets, Vacuum.
Clean the bathrooms.. Which.. something is going on in the toilet in the spare bathroom.. I clean it at least once a week because we don't use it often. Its growing stuff.. I think its because of the skylight giving too much heat and sun to the water... So it could be algea eww.

Rearranged the cabnites a little so my pots and pans are on either side of the sink.. going to take some getting used to! Been the other way for 5 years hahah. We'll survive ;)!

I cannot blieve the new year is right around the corner.. I sure hope 2012 is good.. We seem to have 1 good year then 1 bad year.. This was a bad one. I have more to post but I need to get cracking on this house. Its filthy!! So more later :) It will be more a new years post!

~Nicki

You can tell...

When its the Holidays around our house.. Because its a disaster zone.. My floors haven't been swept/mopped in a long time.. When's the last time I Vaccumed? No Clue. My carpets really really need to be shampooed. Its all I can do on the weekends to get laundry done and dishes cleaned. My poor cats room looks like a tornado went thru is because of lack of vaccuming! Ugh.. This is the first weekend we have been home for more than 3 hrs. Yeah.. Crazy.

I just have a little shopping for the hubby left. Then I'm done. All of our decorations actually went up in a timely manner this year :) Happy about that! I had only a little I wanted to write about in this blog.. but since I finally have time.. that list has grown to alot. Not sure where to start...

Well It feels as if I will be the last woman on earth (at this point) to ever have a kid or be a mom. First off.. I suppose.. (Sorry this is going to be like super out of whack)

I can't remember if i've mentioned the 2 young 20somethings at work (20, and 21) That are preggo.. The 20yr old.. didn't think you could get preggo on Birth control, and the other 21yr old.. already has 2 young boys.. and got preggo with her THIRD just So she could possibly get a girl!?!? WTF is wrong with people. I Swear.. SO that was a blow. THEN my new co-worker.. Infertility always seems to make its way into a conversation when i'm involved. She she knows.

While working together cleaning up toys. I said I'm so ready for kids so I can play games with them and all the fun stuff.. She then says yeah me too i've always wanted to be a young mother blah blah. Then she goes to say her period is all out of whack.. I wanted to Die right there.

The Monday before all that.. we were car shopping with my sister in law.. and mother in law.. Holy Hell I will never do that again. Anyways.. after a long afternoon with no sucess.. We stopped at the mall so I could return a bra... I really didn't want to.. But they didn't have it to reorder in my size.. *sigh* so She returned it and started looking at Bras to replace that one.. My mother in law makes the comment 'Will this one make a baby' KNOWING flat out our issues.. I'd had it.. I walked out of the store balling my eyes out.. Needless to say I still have the Bra. After SHE was upset she explained to us that I need to be happy for other people or they won't be happy for us, That we should stop after one kid.. that our marriage is going to fall apart and that we need to stop thinking baby baby baby.. So um.. Yeah. Its bee a rough month infertility wise.. It just keeps piling on.

So fast forward to today.. I finally got to see Gideon after Lord knows how long.. I missed that little guy :) His fave word is NO and Mommy *lol* He is in love with Doc, his kittes and puppy :) Adorable little guy! So.. then Jeff came over to catch up.. He asks me to sit down.. I'm all O.K.. why? So I sit down and he pulls a fucking u/s photo out of his pocket.. All I could say was Sriously!? GET THIS.. They have been dating 10 wks.. she's 9 wks preggo.. Yeah.. Nice. I swear.. Something is out to get me... And its winning. Infertility 4 Nicki 0

He said that he had a very heavy heart with telling us because of what we have been thru. OH ALSO They were using protection. !$@#$^. Him saying that didn't make it any better. It still was a swift kick in the crotch.

Ugh.. I'm going to sit miserably on my couch because.. I'm sick.. for the first time in forever. Blow my nose 500 times and then go to bed.. and Bake in the morning..For the weathermans sake.. there better be snow on the ground in the morning.. I need some happiness! Yeahh so there has been my life in a nutshell right now. Anything else? I think if my sil or brother was having a baby next that might be the icing on the cake.. :(

~Nicki

Mrs. Grinch

That's who I feel like right now.. I'm a walking Grinch Bomb.

I have been so pissy at home I blow up at anything.. Poor Danny :( He's handling it all in stride because he knows i'm just not me right now.

I think the fact of spending another Christmas with out a child..again.. Is really getting to me. Just seeing the magic in the littles kids eyes when they see the lights and Santa's everywhere.. Its a killer. How can you get in the christmas mood when you see that around you and you can't see the sparkle in your own kids eyes? *sigh* I still haven't called about IVF.. I'm scared that they will say no we can't work with you or.. You need to loose 50lbs before we try.. Ugh.


I cannot get in the Christmas sprit this year.. I just can't! Sure I wanna buy gifts for Danny.. But we are still adjusting to the loan and getting everything worked out in the money Dept. So I can't buy as much as I always want :) So I just try to get the meaningful things that everyone will appreaciate. Afterall Christmas is about being with your friends and family not all about the gifts.

Also.. Meeting up with Kayla this weekend to go shopping. Texted Stacey to see what she was doing and haven't heard back.. But she will have her new puppy this weekend so.. I guess I'll go another month with out seeing her or the Munchkin.. God I miss him.. Growing up so fast :(. I'll probably have to end up mailing his gift. *sigh* I hate work.

I have to order my Christmas cards.. I should probably do that before I go to work..

~Nicki

I wish I could scream.

I just want to scream and cry and throw a big fit. Instead.. I'm just pouting and not talking except in short sentences... Just drew a blank...


So I'm so over trying for a baby... I'm just at that point I have no hope left.. when you have put everything you have into something and get nothing in return. Everytime you see that negative staring back at you, you just get a little more deflated each time.. Well i've been delfated so much I just have no air left to deflate... That's how i'm feeling right now.. Deflated.. beyond deflatedness.. If thats possible.

I'm going to go to try and have a good weekend and drink a massive amount of wine... (hopefully hahah ) See my brother for our once a year visit.. which sucks, and try not to argue with my mom or be in a bad mood.. this should be interesting. Gotta go finish laundry then bed.

Disconnected.

That's how i'm feeling right now.. Very disconnected.. from work, from my marriage, from everything. Not sure how to get it back to where it was. I haven't talked to Danny yet.. I was going to.. but he decided to have a few drinks after taking his meds for his back.. and well He's asleep in bed after I told him to not fall asleep on the couch.. it would probably not help his back. SO.. That will have to wait.. and probably not till tomorrow night. Having our Thanksgiving tomorrow early afternoon.

I feel a giant meltdown coming on. Don't think its gonna be very pretty! I'm just sick of everything need a change massive.. BUT we all know that won't happen. Ugh.. Not looking forward to cooking a bunch tomorrow in a rush like always.

I need a double oven.

In the meantime while I dream of that.. Gonna watch Dancing with the Stars then maybe do my floor and go to bed.. I'm tired too slept like SHIT last night!!! Took a nap.. but i'm still tired.. Ugh..

~Nicki

Desicions Decisions...

So.. this cycle didn't work.. Which goes to show me it doesn't matter HOW positive you are... Now me and Danny have a decison to make... Do a few more IUIs or Move onto IVF. After thinking so long that its gonna be the only thing that works for me.. The thought of it freaks me out.. Its a big process...requires alot of time... If I get preg My vacation time I wouldn't be able to use.. plus using my sick and personal for LOA to take off at transfer time. Its alot to think about.. hopefully we're on the road to better money. So we could have a few months worth of saving after having a munchkin.

We're looking into a company that my clinic works with to finance IVF.. its says everyones approved.. so we'll have to see about that and there is a refund garuntee program if you don't bring home a baby. You can purchase 1 (fresh, frozen),2 (2 fresh, 2 frozen), or 3(3 fresh, 3 frozen) IVfs. I think we would go for the 2 or 3?? Depends on the clinic tho which ones they offer..

I have SO many questions.. and don't even know where to start! How many would my RE transfere? Am I poor responder? Are my eggs worth it? It is worth it to us to do more IUIs? I need to call and make an appt for an IVF consult.. I need to find out their stats too..

One thing that really bugs me.. is we have one of the best IVF clinics in the country (CCRM) .. in the state I live in.. But as far as I know they do not do any financing options that i'm aware of... and I think its all the way in Denver. The sister clinic to my clinic I go to is in Auoura.

So.. thats whats going on in our neck of the woods.. We did say after 4 our 5 IUIs we'd move onto IVF. If we have a consult we probably wouldn't start cycling till February or March. I'm GOING to loost some weight..

IN other news.. SO READY for this year to be over.. I swear we've spent every month BROKE. So sick of doing advances on our bank, living pay check to pay check. My mom dropped of Bailey last night and left a check for watching him.. it was 300 dollars.. Way more than I expected. We're just gonna sit on it, cept for a few things we need form the store.. like Eggs hahah. Then hopefully after the new year we can start working on medical bills from RE.

The good stuff that happend this year was pretty minimal.. and the bad that happend well.. was just bad. I think the Chemical right before we left for our anniversary was the worst.. It just hasn't been our year. I'm ready to start fresh. I'm sure Danny is too. Please Lord let 2012 be our Year!

Also.. I need some reassurance.. which.. I don't know where to get.. I wish there was thing that told you the right and wrong decision! Oh well.. Dannys at training.. and I need to feed myself.. cause i'm hungry.. and maybe do some pinning.. Its only the best thing ever invented.

~Nicki

Slacker.

Yep thats me.. I've been slacking.. I'm blaming it on the weather.

Well the rest of the cycle went smooth sailing.. So to speak! I ended up with 1 maybe 2 follicles.. Biggest being around 17mm. On my left ovary non the less! It shocked us all! So I am in the dreaded Two week wait... I finally did't have a natural surge and actually got to trigger! Dannys numbers improved from 5.3 million to 20.5 mill this cycle :) We have discovered his boys don't recover that fast haha ( due to freak out of O'ing early last cycle we BD'd 2 days before IUI) This cycle we did the usual 3 days before IUI.

I keep saying everyday no matter how i'm feeling that day.. This cycle is going to work. We will have the best early christmas present ever! How's THAT for being positive?! Take that pessimistic mind :P

Anyways.. just working, not enjoying the time change.. its dark to early which makes it feel SO much later than it is! I do not like it.. We're expecting MORE snow tonight.. anywhere from 4-9 inches.. Wow. Colorado I didn't know you had it in you.

I'm addicted to Pinterest now.. Yeah *lol* Thank You Tiffany a fellow infertile :)! (We're both due for our bundles) I totally want to just get in the kitchen and cook all the recipies I just found today alone! Best thing ever! Oh and make that easy wreath I saw as a craft idea. Awesomeness!

Thats about it.. just plugging along.. not enjoying Endometrin any more than Crinone hahah Still just as messy and not fun!

Off to bed I think.. After a giant glass of water that will make sure i'm up 5 times to pee.. Thank you Trigger Shot!!

~Nicki

Excited :)!

So far the end of this month is awesome.. I only hope this nice streak continues!! I know i've kinda neglected my blog a bit.. been busy with work and trying to figure stuff out.. Luckily.. *knock on wood* all is coming out in the wash!! Think I'll do a bullet post today!

~Last cycle didn't work.. I left a message with my Nurse at the RE's office telling them we needed to save money for meds in order to cycle again. I suprisingly got a call back.. In which she offered a 900iu pen of Gonal-F.. For FREE. Me and Danny were estatic!!! So of course we jumped on it and are So thankful!

~Baseline went ok.. One cyst is still there.. but smaller and another appeard on my left? Weird! But they are both non-hormonal and small! SO I can still cycle! Started off on 75 iu this time!!

~ Next appt is on Wed.. here's the kicker. It supposed to SNOW. Like.. alot of snow.. Ack! My appt isn't until later.. so I might call and resched it to tomorrow.. I dunno. It could probably do nothing. But In any case.. i'd be late for work.. (thank god for Intermitten leave!)

~We finally got a consolidation loan thru the Federal Credit Union that has my car loan.. Why we didn't think of them sooner is beyond me! But the only way they will do it is if the close out the accounts.. Go for it. If we need an emergency one.. we will get it later. The only one we kept was my Lane Bryant one because of my bras. Fair enough.. they are expensive and they are sexy/cute! Plus its not a huge card.

~We need to go sign the papers and all will be well! So we will be saving a little over $120 a month! WOO! We can actually SAVE money. Only thing that sucks this month is the new cars tags are due.. Ew. And its a little tight this month. BUT its worth it :)

~ Jason Aldean WAS AWESOME! Had So much fun!! Just wish I would have brought my bigger camera.. my Canon only has like 5x zoom.. where as my Kodak has like 12x zoom.. I need a smaller one with a bigger zoom! SO in turn when we have big events to go to... we don't need to drag around the big camera.. I want one of those flip cameras too.. they are a video camera that is small like a camera!! But it was amazing! Totally different than the out door concert..and the noise was so very different and so very loud!!! But it was awesome. I want to go again. I got a calendar this time and danny got the liscense plate :) Kayla got one of the shirts I got that says on the front ' I'll take a Ride' and on the back is says ' On your big gree tractor' with Jason Aldean on the bottom :)Its super cute!! Love Love Love!!!

Thats about it for now!!

~Nicki

Bed?

I should be going to bed! I'm tired but not tired. Danny is doing hospital watch tonight so won't be home until 3ish. I don't know how I could live with my husband being gone for days at a time. Couldn't imagine how we would survive!

Doing ok.. the 2ww is going by.. well slow haha. Hopefully we will be setting up christmas soon! Hours are getting cut at work for a while.. it sucks.

I need to vent but I can't really vent on here.. it sucks. So in that case.. I'm off to bed to cuddle under the blankets because its cold!

~Nicki

Mixed emotions.

So I don't think I ovulted when I thought I did.. because after the trigger later the next afternoon I had some pretty decent ovulation cramps and that morning I had some nice ewcm! Only wish we could have used it lol!

So today we had the IUI.. only had 5.3mil post wash :( But we did BD monday afternoon because I freaked out! So we think thats why. The nurse and RE said ladies have gotten pregnant with less.. So fingers crossed! I start Crinone Friday.. and testing out Trigger tomorrow!!!

~Nicki

Trying to hold on...

I think this cycle is going to be a total bust... I got a pox OPK yesterday afternoon. Luckily enough we got to reschedual the IUI for Wed instead of Thursday.. So I triggered last night and will go in tomorrow morning. PRAYING HARD that the egg will be waiting!!! I'm having a TON of egg white cervical mucous today..one of those days I wish we could just.. BD because that's what the stuff it for!!! Debating... really debating.. cause I think we are missing the window by 24 hrs.. should have had the IUI today I think. or even a back to back. BLAH.. Just have to hope and pray that this works..I don't want to wait till after the Holidays :(

Doing ok other wise.. bit tight with money this month.. Damn long months!! Too many bills to many things to get.. holidays are coming up AHHHH Just seems over whelming! But we will get over it.. Hopefully! ( It would be an awesome most best christmas present ever if I was preggo)

I'm pretty tired from the trigger.. So i'm gonna go take a nap before work..maybe.

~Nicki

Well...

Injectable are treating me nicely.. but I bet if I do them again I will start a higher dose.. I'm growing the eggs nice and slow.. my e2 is slowly rising.. I up my dose from a 1/2 an amp of Bravelle to a while vial tonight.. then after that either 37.5 iu or 75 iu Gonal-f depending on my e2 results on saturday or wait till monday.. Argh. Will have to go in Saturday anyways for an u/s, I guess a few ladies will have to also just gotta find out when (they will call tomorrow).

I wish I was responding a little faster.. Looks like i'll have a mid-week IUI I was kinda hoping to avoid.. we were like so right on track for a Monday IUI as far as cycle days goes... Of course you know it never works the way you want it too.. I hope this upped dose gets the follies where they need to be faster! One of the ladies on my board stimmed for 5 WEEKS before her first IUI. Yikes! I dunno if I can afford that! (thank god for free Bravelle, Crinone, and Gonal-f!!!!!!!!)

Ugh.. I'm getting stuffy :( I forsee mucinex in my future.. and its payday.. THANK GOD.. I need groceries BAD. So tired.. should made appt for later.. Don't have to be to work till 2 *yawn* I HATE being tired at work and right now its slow it makes it that much worse.. and trying to stay away from caffiene.. Not easy. Well gotta go.. there was more i was gonna write but my right eyebrow keeps twitching and its annoying and i'm tired...

~Nicki

So stupid...

Yep thats me I'm the stupid one. I shouldn't have gone to that baby shower.. I shouldn't have called off work. What was I thinking? I need to money.. I shouldn't have bought all that baby stuff.. I knew I was going to cry on the way home.. And I have and still am.

Then I did somethinge even stupider.. after everyone left.. I needed to tell April about the 3rd.. Danny wants them to come over for dinner. Then since she got a whole bunch.. a ton a of stuff. I asked her if she wanted me to help her take all the stuff in... Bad idea.. I'd be seeing their nursery and which pooh bedding they bought.

Its the one I picked for my nursery.


I go in Monday for an u/s to see how I'm responding to the Bravelle... Still have a 20mm cyst.. only shrunk 5 mm.. from last cycle. But still non hormonal e2 level was only 15 so I could still cycle.. I swear if this messes up my cycle again.. I will never go in for and u/s again on Fridays.. Because then I will no longer like Dr Harris. because this will be round # 2 that he has fucked up for me.. and tons of money down the drain.

I want this cycle to work SO bad.. its not even funny. I want this with every fiber of my being.. I will not go to any more baby showers until its my own.

~Nicki

One of those days...

Yep today was one of those days.. where I just feel sad about everything.. j

Danny thinks I have a lot of friends.. but when you think about it.. I have like 2 good friends.. and sometimes it doesn't even feel like that. Cause there are somethings I just can't talk about with them... Like this whole infertility thing.. its like i'm talking to myself.. but I guess thats to be expected. Can't help but talk about it either because it my life right now.. and i just want people to understand.

Also.. I hate not having any kids that I'm close to.. I have my nephew and neice..but they live 1500 miles away in Florida.. So that doesn't do me any good.. Then I have my godson..but it seems like every time i get to go see him something comes up or vice versa... I guess its better that way.. cause I'm horrible with kids.. I never know what to do or say. Why do I want kids if I don't know how to play with them or interact with kids? I always wanted to be that cool aunt or mommy's bestest friend that comes over and plays cool games with me. But kids don't remember me because we don't come around that much.. *sigh*
Not to mention i'm a horrible people person. I can't carry on a basic conversation to safe my life... I hate meeting new people because i'm so shy. UGH It sucks... Making friends as you get older blows.. because its either the people you work with.. OR you become friends with your kids friends parents.. Well.. I don't have option #2.

Well I won't be going with Endometrin. Its a Whopping $245 for 32 pills.. NO THANKS.. Not paying that much for something to get shoved up my crotch. So i'll be calling the Nurse tommoro and ask for Prometrium since its on our insurance drug fourmulary.. I keep thinking about secondary insurance.. but lord knows how expensive that would be!

BLAH.. I hate feeling like this...
~Nicki

AHHH

Well the witch showed up yesterday.. Why is is that sex always does the trick? Seriously.. when I want my period to come.. Just have sex!

Well anyways.. CD 3 u/s and blood work is Friday.. at 945am.. Yikes! Here we go.. I'm SO not ready.. needles.. every night in my belly? I'm good thanks! I really hope she will tell me I can do it when I get home from work.. and not have to drag it around with me. Plus..the thought of giving myself a shot.. Not fun. Plus I don't wanna drive back and fourth.. but we have to.. at least I think hahah! Haven't got that far in the cycle yet...


Please lord let all be right with my body and not go all wonky.. and go perfect like our very first cycle and give us our miracle!!! The Holidays being pregnant would be awesome :) specially letting everyone know we are having our first munchkin 3 years in the making! Please Please!

~Nicki

Congratulations and Complaints.

First off I would like to Congradulate a fellow Infertile on becoming a Mommy today! Liz and Rich just welcomed the most gorgeous, handsome Little man!!! Head full of black hair!!! ( I hope mine comes out with that much ;) ) She is going to be the most stylish, awesome Mommy ever! Congrats again Liz and Rich I hope you enjoy every second of you little bundle!


And now for the complaints....

#1- The Kitty litter boxes need to be washed... They are starting to smell again. Thank god for Vingear and Baking soda...

#2- I think I am at the angry, jealous stage that infertiles go thru when seeing pregnant women( think i've been here a while).. I SWEAR they are haunting me at work.. EVERY second I turn around BAM. Noticable belly.. or BAM Newborn in cart! Its like UGH really!? I just cringe....well more like force a smile then walk away with tears in my eyes.. I think I know why I cry EVERY time I say Hi to a friends infant or any infant at work... I'm longing for my own..I don't know what its like to love a little human being that much. I seriously start welling up with tears in my eyes just saying HI. How screwed up is that!?! Ugh...

#3- I am so done with baby showers.. April's will probably be the last one I go to.. unless its my own. Seriously. I'm sick of buying all this cute baby stuff and it IS NOT FOR ME. Like why am I going thru all this trouble CROCHETING a baby blanket out of the cutest pink baby camo yarn with the most cutests pattern !?!?!?? Not to mention the basket i'm giving to her for her baby shower full of all sorts of goodies.. Probably because I would love the same in return when I have mine? I doubt i'll even GET a baby shower let alone a homemade blanket...I just can't take it anymore...its too much to handle.. I'll probably go thru the entire baby shower with tears in my eyes and looks like a complete idiot... I don't even know her that well.. Maybe its because it's Mike's wife... and we kinda went thru that falling out and now we're talking again? I dunno but its going to be hard sitting there playing games surrounded by cute stuff and a pregnant belly.

#4- Parents who do not teach their kids to put shit back where they got it. Seriously.. it makes you look like a SLOB. Does your home have shit strewn all over the floor?!?!? Didn't think so.. My mom would have beat my butt if I left crap everywhere. Or acted like these kids do today.. NO disipline whatso ever. None. I zoned the Halloween Isle today...Holy *big long cuss word* EVERY Freaking mask was on the floor or on the baseboards. Seriously!? You have the nerve to sit there and watch your children destroy an isle and not even CARE!? Yeah we may be there to pick up stuff.. Be we aren't your maids.. How would you like it if we came to your work and trashed the place.. Yeah thats what I thought.
Please its not that hard to tell you children to put it back on the freaking hook.. I don't even care if its the right one. Just keep it off the floor.. its gross nasty.. people bleed on it, throw up and lord knows what else. It also pisses me off when I'm in the isle zoning and something I JUST FIXED a kid comes over looks at it and then throws it on the floor.. SERIOUSLY!!?!?! I then proceed to glare at the child.


I think thats good. AF is due any day now.. She can show up so the bitchyness can stop. Ugh.. this weekend might not be too good.. we'll see.

Cold.

Yesterday was my favorite kind of day.. Overcast gloomy, rainy all day kinda day I <3 that weather! It was nice.. Today is supposed to be more of the same, but the sun is trying to come out.

My husband deserves the biggest Here's your sign award. He was trying to ligh the heater.. got that done.. Well it had been and hr and STILL hadn't kicked on.. So he calls the little place here and town and asks what could be up.. After talking for a few min.. We have several steps of switches on ours you have to go thru before it kicks on.. My Dead Loving husband Left it on at ' Warming' instead of turning it to 'On'. Oh How I love that man.

Anyways.. We're about to hit our superduper crappy months.. in where I worry every freaking day about how we are going to get stuff for christmas, tags on car, winterizing the house, Obesess over finding a REAL Christmas tree. Yes. I am the worrier of all worriers... Ugh. We will survive.. maybe.

It just feels like nothing will ever.. or ever has gone our way. Makes you wonder about stuff.. The latest thing.. Is Danny's sister hit a bear, a 12x12 post and an electrical pole with his beloved Toyota... When I heard this.. the first thing that ran thru my head was. My husbands livley hood just went down the drain. Surely it must be totalled...Its pretty bad..but fixable. Of course I don't have the money to give him to let him go on his merry way to Toyota junk yard heaven.

As it is right now.. this next cycle will cost us $500 just for gas and monitoring! Which means a fully paid for medicated cycle will be at least 1200 dollars.. holy shit. That is insane.. We will have to save and ASS load if this cycle doesn't work. *cry*

I think AF is on her way...I am SUPER munchy and everything under the sun sounds good. Not to mention super bitchy hahah and moody and getting headaches! Ugh. She just needs to get here already!

Ugh.. Really tired today. Have been lately.. Gotta get ready for work Booo.!

~Nicki

Super Blargh

Ugh.. I just want my period to come already... The whole loosing weight thing is.. well frustrating and blows! Especially when you work in the middle of the freaking day!!! I HATE 11-8 shifts.. they sucks. Larry I hate you for that!

I started off really good.. I do good during the day.. but working 11-8 i come home STARVING and then eat a bunch of crap.. And of course I can't go grocery shopping for good food because.. well I need money for that hahah We're trying to save money for future cycles and tags for car. It just seems impossible to do so because we keep having to spend it on crap.. that we shouldn't have to spend it on.. Danny had to go to the Chiro today because when he runs he fucks up his back. Chiro told him no more running. Then I have an appt on the 19th with my regular Dr. My nose is driving me INSANE I will take anything... Wish I could afford Omnaris.. but its 100 bucks..( because my insurance sucks like that) Maybe I'll get a few more free samples ;)

I'm ready to be cycling again.. Then we will have to stop till after the new year (pretty sure) unless we can come up with the money before then.. Not sure.. Just ready for something to go our way for once!

~Nicki ( i'm pooped.. Stupid Halloween!)

Numb...

I'm numb.. Saw Mike today at work.. I asked them how everything was going.. He said they had just got done baby shopping in the springs.. Getting nursery things.. I asked what color they picked etc.. Bad Idea..

They picked Winnie the Pooh.. What I want for my nursery.. What I WANT. But don't know if i'll ever get it...I wanted to cry at work.. But I just couldn't.. no tears welled up nothing. Just a numb feeling...

I NEED to loose weight before this next cycle.. which I have no idea when will happen because I ovulated twice.. I think.. Ugh.. This sucks! Why does my body have to be all fucked up!?!?!?! Ugh.. Now i'm jsut angry.. I need to go to bed.. and I'm starving.. and I will wake up @ 7 am with a huge clogged nose.. every freaking day for over a week.. It needs to STOP.

Now i'm going to bed.. If I can sleep.

~nicki

Short.. Sweet and To the Point.

~ Frontierville is pissing me off.. It has put me in a foul mood.. Sad no? It takes FOREVER AND A FREAKING DAY to load.. i cannot post to share things.. or ask for.. or ask my friends to send stuff back.. Thats the whole point of the Fucking game.. Its been over a WEEK...

~I'm just plain pissy.. maybe a really bad case of PMS due to early ovulation!? My cycle is so screwed up.. wtf?

~My nose is fine when I stand.. then I sit and its clog central..can I have a normal nose.. Please!?

~I cannot sleep lately.. I wake up at 3:45 on the dot.. then 7:53 on the dot.. roll around and decide i should get up because said nose above is clogged and will not let me go back to sleep.

~I need to clean my house desperately.. but that looks like it will have to wait till NEXT weekend to do so... Lord I need a break.

~My tags are like 100bucks cheaper than anticipated *SCORE*

~I'm making a blanket out of pink camo yarn for Mike and Aprils Baby GIRL! Its adorable... It needs to be done by January.. Uh.. I need to crochet faster...

~Crocheting is awesome.. but i can only do it for so long.. because repetive motion annoys me. ( I don't know how I cope with everyday life.. ) I blame my brother for this aspect of my personality...

~I need new work bras.. My 1 of 2 snapped.. while.. WALKING. WTF! I hate my huge boobs.. I want to chop them off..

~Danny is annoying me lately.. i just want to be by myself. But its impossible.

~Its freezing in my house.. It was SO NICE Today but the swamp was left on.. and now its 60 degrees in my house. Brrr... A/c or no a/c in the bedroom tonight...

~I'm exaughsted...But.. my body will wak up @ 7:52 sharp... and i'll be up for the day...

~Going to mom and dads tomorrow.. going to outlets with Mom.. Danny will stay home with Dad since he hurt his leg... then we will have Ziti for dinner and apple squares for desert :) Then we will come home and sleep.. Plans for Monday are still in the air.. Ugh..

SLEEP. ( maybe not so short hahah)
~Nicki

Well Crap...

This cycle was a complete and total bust.. They had to cancle it.. as I Ovulated on CD 9.. Wtf? My RE refused to do and IUI that day because I had like no mature follicles.. the biggest one was 11mm.. So she took and LH blood draw.. being as it was a Friday, I would not get the results till Monday.. RE said she would call.. well Never got the call..

Me and Danny head up to springs for my sched u/s, because maybe it had just been a fluke OPK... Well Of course not.. I have to have a screwed up body.. I guess it was a good thing that we did it the night before.. and then that Friday.. But that was it. So Out the window went $300.

SO plan for whenever Aunt Flow decides to show up which maybe early.. because i've been super bitchy and moody.. OR maybed thats just cause i'm stressed and want the holidays over already. Anyways.. We're doing injectables.. Umm.. yikes? Yeah.. I get to shoot myself up.. NOT looking forward to that .. for at least a week! We have to mix it.. yeah. The thought of giving myself a needle... if danny is not there.. makes me want to pass out. THANKFULLY we got this next months worth of meds for Free! Yay for Samples!! I get to do a WONDERFUL Suppository of Endometrin.. Not looking forward to that.. Dunno why I gotta take it my progesterone is usually fine..

Here's the shitty part.. After the first few doses.. I have to drive to Springs (56 miles ONE WAY) Every other day!!!!! Suckage.. I'll take twins at this point.. but not Quintuplets! Gotta be monitored real close..if I get more than 5 mature follicles.. I get cancelled.. they will probably tell us not to have sex.. But I am not going to waste over $1000 for a treatment.. I'll have Sex. the chances of them all releasing and fertilizing are slim to none.. Because I wouldn't take the Ovidrel..

Praying hard this next cycle is the one..

If Not.. we're taking a break till after the holidays.. its too crazy.. we would need to save an ass load of money for drugs, gas an copays. We will take that time to do that and pay off some of the bills that are already rolling in.. Ugh.. Plus we have tags due for 2 of our cars... mine and the New one.. *die* Whos brilliant idea was it to have tags due at the SAME time!? I dunno.. Not to mention right around the holidays.. Another thing..we don't want to try to schedual around holidays and closed office days.. And risk a cancelled cycle.. Plus it will be snowing and crappy weather so its probably best.

On another note.. We hung with Mike and April for the first time in a long time. We went over for dinner and so Danny could help move some stuff out of their spare room that will be the nursery.. It was a little heart wrenching.. Knowing that I don't know if I will ever have the joy of watching Danny put together OUR baby furniture.. or Go to an Ultrasound to find out if we are having a girl or a boy. It hurts.. it hurts a lot. It seems like everyone thinks we need to hear all these miraculous stories of Oh they just stopped thinking about it and it will happen or adopt and you will get pregnant. Sorry People.. It does NOT always happen that way.. I have stopped thinking about it.. And lookie here I'm still not pregnant. It actually hurts us more to hear those things.. At least for me it does.

Also.. people don't know that its probably actually CHEAPER to do a $20,000 procedure to have my OWN child than do an adoption at this point.. me and Danny aren't here yet.. I'm sure if we don't have child in a few years... we might think about this. But not right now. I just wish more people were more sensitive to this whole Infertility thing.. there are millions of couples who suffer through this.. I do not wish this on my worst enemy..


Guess thats it for now.. Off to another restless night of sleep.

~Nicki

Maybe One day....

I'll get to build baby furniture in my spare room.. and think about painting and decorating...

Went over to Mike and Aprils.. haven't been over there in a while.. Went for dinner and to help him move stuff out of spare room...which will soon be their nursery. Then it turned into us helping them build their baby furniture :( It was gorgeous... She's due in January.


CD12 u/s tomorrow.. if my LH comes back neg.. Long story short... I got a pos OPK CD 9 went in for U/s didn't look like I was ovulating.. Cyst was still there but no mature follies.. had 1 at 11mm then a few smaller ones that might catch up. So we will see I was so hopeful for this cycle.. Cause it was going So smooth!! Ugh.. Praying hard that bw is negative in AM. We will be discussing injectables tomorrow too.. I really hope we don't have to go there!

Heres that tomorrow will be an awesome day with huge Follies and a trigger Tuesday :) with IUI wed.. Any well wishes and prayers gladly appreaciated!!

~Nicki

Sometimes..

You hope your doing the right thing and then others you wish you would have done the wrong things.. Damned if you do Damned if you don't...

I try to help alot of people and sometimes its just not worth it.. I've learned this over the years some people aren't worth helping. I have a friend at work that she has helped a lot people with money and such giving them loans.. only to get nothing in returned or screwed over..and she is the sweetest lady. She wanted to get a loan to buy a motorcycle or scooter because her truck is too expensive to drive all year long.. She lives by herself and lives on a wal-mart salary... But because she has helped so many people and they never paid her back etc.. She can't get a loan :( Makes me sad!

Also.. when you try to help someone or give them good adivce never fails it backfires. This is why I'm trying to stop giving advice or helping people because I never get anything in return. And we totally just had a powersuge at 10:30 Am...The sun is shining and bam... Oi vey. ANYWAYS.

This is what i've learned over my 25 years of existance.. What happened to treat people the way you want to be treated? I just try to give some adivce when its needed.. you don't have to take it.. Like one of my friends says.. Take it with a grian of salt. All I ever do is just give adivce. Hardly anyone gives me any.. which sometimes would be nice!

Just saying...

Why does life have to be so complicated and miserable sometimes? Not enjoying this rut!

Fall...

I am so ready for fall... I'm tired of the 90-100 degree heat everyday! I left work last night and the bank read 80 degrees at 10:30pm.. Ugh. I was thinking I might wanna do fall crops but.. Its too hot they won't do anything! Oh well.. the garden isn't doing well this year since its been so hot and so little rain. Makes you wonder what kind of winter we will have... Will it be Cold and Dry? Or Mild and Wet? Or Cold and Wet? Or however many more combinations you can make out of that!

On the fertility front... i'm on CD 7 last day of femara.. Need to order my trigger shot.. Got my CD 12 u/s on Monday. This cycle seems laid back? It just doesn't seem like its going very fast, but i'm ok with that! I still feel very positive about this cycle.. I'm ready to have a munchkin... or 2!

I'm so over this waiting thing.. I can only imagine how some other ladies I know have to wait so long :(. Just so ready to wake up and not have to just take care of myself,Danny, or my furries :( Ready to push a stroller around the block and let a baby experience being outside for the first time, just to see the look on their cute little face... anything! I just want someone new to cuddle and squish and love with kisses.. Too much to ask? Guess so...

I slept to late this morning.. So I have a headache.. but kinda from the femara too.. had one lingering yesterday.. Ugh. I am excited about having more motivation to do stuff!!! Like.. Organize and get rid of crap!Our house is overwhelmed.. and since we can get a new house anytime soon.. this will have to do! (Boy would I love a new house!!) But at the same time.. I love my house :) Just need it to not be so cluttery and dusty.. I HATE Dusting.. and so does Danny.. I need a maid haha. Just to dust.

GAH! I need another vacation.. Thinking about asking Larry for the week of thanksgiving off.. and maybe swing it to go see my Aunt in Wisconsin!? Its been about 6 yrs since i've been.. I miss that vacation. We will see *fingers crossed* We're already skimping with money.. due to Tags and A possible injectables cycle at the end of Sept/ early Oct. I'm praying to the good lord that this one works! So maybe we will save enough to go up to Wisconsin :) And I could get to see my Brother! Its been like 2 years.. Too LONG! I miss by Bud :( And maybe I'll be preg :D! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!

So...

Because Volt wanted to eat Onions.. Danny decided to hunt him down with the nerf gun and shoot him hahah.

I am sad.. because we are going to loose Jason on DVR :(!!!! We don't have a DVD recorder.. Boo.. We are canceling our Bresnan service after 6 yrs.. because their premiums are about to shoot up 30 bucks.. which means we will be paying 180 some odd bucks. NO THANKS!

Bring on Qwest and Driect Tv. Danny is excited because we get 3 free months of NFL Sunday ticket.. and I'm excited because I Get Free HBO for 3 months.. Yes I get to see The Tudors! (another TV addiction ;) )

So.. we had some money troubles this month.. but thankfully got them figured out and we can cycle if this month if this one doesn't work.. Which I doubt its going to.. I'm craving chocolate.. Majoy Aunt Flo Sign...
I tested 10dpip.. *slaps hand* bad! I got a faint line.. but I think it was left over trigger.. Then I was stupido and tested this afternoon.. Whats wrong with me!?!?! It was Stark white one line test... Boo. Oh well.. I have ONE test left and will probably test Tues.. Which will be 14dpo and 13diui.

I'm throwing the idea in my head around that I might wanna add injects? Terrified of the cost tho I won't lie. Not sure.. i'll see what Dr.M says if AF arrives again.

Random moment: Totally watching CMT Music Festival on TV.. I TOTALLY WANT ONE OF THOSE HUGE GUITAR DRINKS!!!! *Dances to Luke Bryants Country Girl Shake it For me* Which by the way.. I'm dying to go drinking and dancing with my girls....


Which hopefully will be soon! Having a girl day soon to go to IKEA! I hear its pretty awesome :)

Work.. Is sucking right now.. I don't know if i'll ever get preg with all the heavy lifting I keep doing! It makes me SO MAD. But I can't not perform my job.. and at the same time I don't want to move to another position as I love my area I work in. Ugh.. So frustrating.. I could take an LOA for a week to implant then come back *lmao* don't think they'd like that once a month tho!

Since we have like NO groceries in the house right now... I wanted popcorn.. didn't have non.. so we will be roasting marshmellows soon after this show is over :) <3 Which Danny just randomly danced with me to 'Just a Kiss' By Lady Antebellum I love him.. he's pretty awesome!

I think thats enough for now.. Almost Jason time.. Which OMG Totally just rememberd.. HE MIGHT BE COMING TO COLORADO IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blah!

Is it testing day yet!? Of course not.. I'm going bonkers... Ugh 8 more days! I still have a bunch of mixed feelings about this cycle! Totally not sure what the out come will be.. As for right now.. trigger is pretty much out of my system and tiredness has gone away.. last time.. It stayed. Guess We will see.. But now I gotta get ready for work. Boo.

10 4

IUI done. 23 million after wash and good motility :) Eggie.. meet your new best friend and make me a munchkin!!!

At home just relaxing.. and praying.. and Now i'm going to take a nap :) Cause... I'm super sleepy.. its a day late *lol* I was good yesterday. Today another story probably cause we were up early.. Supposed to have more monsoon rain that may cause flash flooding! Bring it on my garden needs it.. and so does my pocketbook so it doesn't have to pay 100 water bills...

Happy Napping!

~Nicki

Looks like..

We will be having our 2nd IUI Wed. I will trigger tonight @ 9.. which means Danny gets to stab me in the butt.. Since I know what it feels like I will NOT freak out and make myself sick hahah because it was a piece of cake!!

Apparently I have a beautifully shaped lining and thickness :D. Cause i'm cool like that. But only ONE Follie! Boo. But hey all it takes it 1 and 1! Its at 19.5 woot.

SO Not looking forward to the symptoms of trigger tho.. the last time.. the day after trigger I felt like I had sleepyness DUMPED on me.. Like I almost fell OVER sleepy! Oh well.. BRING IT ON. I just hope that if I implant it will not give me symptoms like it did the last time... IE going home because i thought i was going to throw up and pass out.. I think that is SO weird that my body responded to implantation that way...Guess I'm just a weirdo ;)

~Nicki

In a nutshell...

Our vacation was good.. the first 2 days sucked.. there wasn't much to do..everything is based around the rodeo.. which didn't Open till Friday... So Wed and Thurs were a whole lotta piddling around and arguing... since I was moody, upset and bleeding.. yes.. My 4th wedding anniversary included the longest period EVER. It sucked. I forgot to take my first pill when we got to the hotel that night.. I was SO mad!! I also forgot my curling iron, brush and comb.. Awesome.

The Rodeo and Jason Aldean were AWESOME.. I want to go again.. Except I want to meet him and I want better seats at the rodeo!! Here's a few pics :)

My fave part of course was right after the rodeo was we got to go wait for Jason Aldean.. We walked to where the guy told us the 'portal' was there wasn't too bad of a line. But we saw about 7.. yes 7 trailers.. That have his picture on them *giddy* Of course I HAD to have my picture taken with them.. as Jason could have touched one at one time *lmao* They are the trialers that carry his set and stuff :)

Yes.. we waited for oh.. about 4 hours.. STANDING.. My feet were DYING. I need some insoles for my boots.. i'm wearing them out haha. BUT Jason drove by in his Georgia Golf Car :D! I think Danny was the only one that noticed.. until he came back by *lol* Then.. they came by and told us they were gonna be letting us in. Mind you we're in the Rodeo arena.. They told us don't run and to stay behind them.. HA. We were like a heard of cattle running.. in a huge cloud of dust! I was DYING of thirst... (luckily later in the show a guy left I BEGGED him to get me water.. He was Awesome) Thompson Square only played like 5 songs.. but Mark Chestnutt played for what seemed like FOREVER Before Jason Came on.. It was after 10 before Jason came on. But he put on and Awesome show!! I love my husband for taking awesome pictures because of my shortness I only caught glimpses! We were only about 15ft away <3

<3<3

I think we may have been the only sober ones there :) But thats ok! I Can rember it! And Danny got him on Video singing 'Why' But not Heaven :( sadness maybe another concert!

So in other news.. by takinh my femera a day late.. my follies are behind only at 14mm and 8mm.. That was Friday.. So Monday another scan.. Then mostlikley trigger that night and IUI on Wed :) Crossing our fingers that it goes that way!!

Also.. as we were leaving for the appt on Friday.. Danny went.. You're not going to believe this.. I of course freak out.. Our fridge went out.. So there went that day. I called off and danny called off.. there was no way we were going to get back from the appt in springs, get truck, drive to pueblo pick out a fridge, load and drive back to house... then unload old fridge and get new one in the house.. Holy crap.. we had to take the front of the porch off.. THEN the doors of the new fridge.. Holy crap.. Then we found out.. its either a breaker or something in the wall... Well that new fridge isn't going ANYWHERE after the small brain anyrusim it gave me. So its plugges in with and extenstion cord till we get it figure out. Ugh... Just after we got the damn card payed off.. Grr!

I think thats about it..! For now anyways.

~Nicki

Waiting...

We should be getting ready to head to Wyoming.. Instead i'm waiting to go to my ultrasound @ 3pm.. Boo But at least I get to cycle.

I decided i'm not gonna tell everyone under the sun that i'm cycle.. it was just too much.. hearing.. Have you started yet? Have you tested yet? When is your next appt? Argh... its like thats all anyone ever asked or texted me. GAH!
~Nicki

Today Sucked.

It blew the big one.. I set myself up for dissapointment. I took my temp.. Drop from 98.6 to 98.3 I knew it was coming.. Then I was stupid and took my last digital.. bad Idea.. Not Pregnant.. I've been awake since 4 am. Crying pretty much all day on an off...

Went and got beta.. It came back at 0. As soon as I got home I started bleeding..Basically we had a Chemical pregnancy (very early miscarriage) I'm numb.. Why us?

I don't know what to think of this upcoming vacation...I'm excited and sad at the same time. Me and Danny are devestated.. but are ready to cycle againg.. Not telling anyone ( except the girls on my board and my 2 friends stacey and kayla :) ) They are my support that gets me thru this...

I just spent 186.00 on my Femera *die* CD 3 u/s set for Wed @ 3.. We had planned to be in Wyoming by then.. but the lord has other plans. I'm so thankful my RE is letting me go again. She said had my level been higher it would have been no.. But since its 0 we're good to go...

I <3 my RE's office... My actual Dr called.. and the Nurse a while later to make sure I was doing ok. <3

This is a Break down of what we will pay.. this is minus the IUI cost. Since we haven't even got the first bill x.x....

CD3 us - Copay and gas : $100
MidCycle Scan- Copay and gas $100
IUI Day- Copay and gas $ 100
Meds: Ovidrel - $80
Femera:$186.00
Thats almost $600 just what we have to pay. Ugh.. But I pray its worth it and gives us a munchkin.. Soon.\

~Nicki

GAH!

Today did not start out a good day!

I don't feel pregnant.. I have no symptoms.. I'm not even tired anymore.. no cramps Nothing. Unless you want to call me snapping a moood swing.. I think that amounts up to stress :(. I'm praying that a little bean has snugged in and is going to treat mommy nice with few symptoms :)

So.. as we left the house to get lunch we go rear ended..Awesome. They talked us into not calling insurance company right away he is going to come look at it to see if some guy he knows will fix it cheaper than insurance.. If they won't sorry chick your insurance is going up. I was pissed and angry and freaking out.. If I have a miscarriage because of this.. I'm suing. Its taken us almost 3 YEARS to get here.. I'm not gonna take it lightly.. But I haven't had so much as a twinge...

Ugh.. I just want it to be tomorrow.. I have to finish laundry and packing.. then maybe shampoo a few spots on the floor and vaccum cats room.. and dust the bedroom.

Please lord.. We're begging you down here.. let this pregnancy stick and grow~!

~Nicki

O.M.G

Seriously is this really happening to me? I told Danny Tuesday that I wasn't waiting till thursday to test. I tested Wed.. and got the FAINTEST Line.. I was freaking out.. I asked Danny if he saw what I saw! He said yes!

I then proceeded to poas when I got home from lunch.. still pos.. then 2 more on Thursday including a digital that read ' Pregnant' I was so waiting for it to say 'Not pregnant' I finally believed it enought to call the Dr for a blood test.. I had it done yesterday. My Beta was 24... not where they like to see it... progesterone was 16.6 :) But .. I'm pregnant.. and now that I am.. I don't want it to go away.. We're praying SO hard for this little bean that is SO loved already...You have No idea. Please Lord.. I'm putting my fait in you.. give me the miracle me and my husband have been waiting for so long... PLEASE DOUBLE BETAS!!!


I go back Monday!

~Nicki

Bad Blogger!

I know i'm a horrible blogger as of late!!

Well The trigger shot was a hell of a lot easier than I made it out to be hahah I didn't feel it. Only burning afterwards that didn't last long! I was terrified that I was going to ovulated before the IUI.. We BD'd the day before the trigger. Then like 2 days after the IUI. Which was on the 30th. I'm only 9dpiui... and Am Currently going CRAZY.

I want to test SO BAD... But I am resisting...I'm not having any solid symptoms.. probably just imaginary ones.. unless you wanna call having the runs every day at almost the same time a symptom? A little cramping and pinching..but i think i'm imagingin that.. I was sick on Wed this week.. ended up coming hom early after barely working 2 hrs.. I thought i was gonna blow chunks every where and was diizy! I think its odd that it only lasted for a little bit by the time I got home it was pretty much gone.. except I woke up I felt like I was hit by a train... and had a huge migraine. Ugh.
Today I took a nap and felt a bit achy mild headache.. but its gone away now. Ugh.. I'm not feeling very positive... I know its probably still early.. but I don't want to just know.. like now.


Me and Danny are doing good. I think we're pretty close now more than ever.. I'm not sure how or why but we are and I like that :) Getting ready for Cheyenne Wy. So I can see JASON ALDEAN!!! WOO!!! And I'm excited to learn they have a Botanical Garden... I've always wanted to go to one.. and Now we can I'm so excited!

Really getting tired of the 5 to 2 shift.. all I want to do it come home and nap. And then I sit on the computer.. And I miss Danny... I see him like maybe 10 min in the Am.. He's at work when I get home then I'm asleep by the time he gets home. So I only see him for 2 days on our weekends. It sucks. I've been extra frisky this week which is kinda odd for me. I'm excited about the prospects of sex tonight or tomorrow hahah.

Still not sure if we can cycle in July if this cycle doesn't work :( It has be times JUST right.. in order for it to work... So we're not driving back and fourth between Wyoming.. Glad its only 3 hrs away! But that would totally BLOW. So Praying for a quick start if I get a BFN.

Thats all on my front.. Garden is doing good.. Finally getting rain!!! TONS of grapes this year.. WOO! Peppers a few almost ready! Then everything else just took off after the rains! Just worried about when we go on Vac so we will see!

~Nicki

Quick Update!

Busy week ahead!

Had my CD 12 ultrasound on Monday..! I had a 17 mm and 12.5 mm follie!!! and TON under 10.. 6 on my right and 11 on my left... No mature on the left tho.. But thats ok! My Lining is an 8.3 :) so i'm happy with that!!! I hope that extra day he gave made those follies grow a little more!! Or maybe to have a few catch up ;)! I Trigger tonight.. or I should say Danny's giving me the trigger.. ACK! I'm nervous as hell... We go in @ 8 for danny to give his sample then 9:30 is the IUI! I'm praying that this works.. It would be such an AWESOME anniversary gift to both of us! Pray Pray! I have more but going to a Miche bag party super excited :D! More later!

CD1

Wahoo. AF finally arrived! In the middle of the night..I can honestly say.. that has never happened to me. What a mess... Yuck. Called the Dr.. Not doing a CD 3 u/s cause I just had one end of May. So CD 12 u/s schedualed for Monday the 27th :).. But my Dr. will be on vacation. Not cool cause I need to have paperwork filled out.. BOO! I hope she's back for my IUI tho :(

Its hot.. my swamp is SUCKING. I think danny killed it between replacing belt.. breaking bolt.. Ugh.. Its hot. I feel like i'm in Florida.. Minus the humdity.. its 8 PM and its 86 degrees... Wtf?

I'm going to bed cause It has AC in there...

~Nicki

Hoping and Praying...

That I do NOT start my period... because I cannot get my Femera.. Or ahold of the Dr.. Left a message yesterday because the prescription is requiring a preauthorization. Joy. Knew I should have filled it when I first got it.. son of a bitch.. If anything I will call Monday and see if that doesn't go thru if she will write me a back up script for Clomid..*ew* I have been feeling kinda crampy today.. which is weird.. my Boobs have been KILLING me everytime I take off my bra afterwork.. Ugh..


I'm in a horribly stressed out mood...

~Nicki

Wham-O

That what this week has felt like.. I found out that 2 friends are preggo.. one with her first.. the 2nd with her 3rd. I swear.. when will it be my turn? What did I deserve to not be able to have kids so easy? Why me!? Argh.. I'm so frustrated and I feel hopeless...

I don't know what to do! I'm still waiting for AF to show up.. So it looks like I'll have a late June early July IUI.. Which could possibly put my 2ww around our 4 year anniversary. Just hope and pray.


Me and Danny have talked.. we're totally OK with Twins.. Now I keep having vivid images of us getting a new car for me... and a new house. Because our house is big enough for 2 babies.. Toddlers.. another story hahah. And my car is a little too small. But I just have this gut feeling that we will have a girl.. and then another gut feeling thinking we will have twins.. Of course.. lord only knows when.

I'm going to take and hour nap before the CMA's Been working 5am to 2pm.. Its killer. But will hopefully work for our appts.

~Nicki

Waiting...

Just waiting for AF to arrive.. I still have about a week and half.. tourture I say. My Ovidril.. is tourting me starting at me in fridge. I need to still get my Femera tho... On a good note.. I have a new schedual... I am now working 5am to 2 pm.. let me tell you it sucks getting up.. but the day goes SO fast! All i'm doing is watering at work.. since no one else does it. So My back and feet are KILLING me right now... I did my first one today. But now i'm WIPED. I'm praying that this works for me.. so I don't have to leave or call off a ton for appts if need be!!! Except for the IUI itself. I'm still applying for intermitten leave.. just gotta.. go to the dr first.. COME ONE AF... ( I know its gonna be late because I want it to show up)

Something I didn't want to hear I heard.. One of Dannys best friends wife.. Is preggo.. Married Not even a year. Yeah.. *stab*

Anways.... We're going camping tomorrow? Yeah.. me camping hahah haven't been since I was like 8!!! I just wish we had an air matress... We're going to a lake.. I have no idea how to spell it. But yes.. Realxing, fishing.. listening to nothing but wilderness.... and watching the stars.. Oh and must not forget.. ROASTED MARSHMELLOWS!!! WOOT.

I am retaining water like crazy... Ugh This reminds me why I miss humidity and not dry heat.. Ugh. I think i'm going to take a few hours nap hahah and then pack when Danny gets home.

~Nicki

Off the Bandwagon...

Since the weekend.. I haven't been eating so great or exersicing.. compared to last week.. Mainly because i'm mentally and phsycially exaughsted.. So early to bed for me.. Like 10 min from now hahah! By 9 pm.. What!? That is unheard of in this household!!

Danny is getting really stressed at work.. and is brining it home agian.. I told him its got to stop.. They recently switched his Pod from regular offenders to OMI.. which are mentally ill offenders.. They think that you are constantly trying to poison or kill them.. If you tell them something they take it literally.. And he is the only Sgt in that pod.. Ugh. Its way too much for one Sgt to handle.. usually Pods have 2. He feels that if he asks to move to another pod with regular offenders.. that its failing.. Its So not. So I'm hoping he talked to his LT...
Why would they ever ask me if I want to work there!? I would totally fall apart! Working with inmates behind a door.. or in a yard.. not quite my thing.. I'm way to gullible!!

Ugh... Work sucked today! We have way to many flowers at work.. So much for looking like last year.. We'er already there!! Our Poor patio its crammed full!! They won't buy anything at full price.. they won't buy anything half off.. but god forbid.. we throw it away they want it for free? Nope, Sorry! Also.. everyone thinks that i'll throw all their plants in a bag and just let them get crushed.. What am I a guy?


Totally having a tooth problem.. Which like NEVER happens! My front left tooth has been really cold sensitive.. it sucks.. My mom being a dental hygenist looked at it and said that my gum is recceding.. Well Crap. Either I brush to hard.. My tooth is dying.. My mouth gaurd isn't fitting right or I smacked it some how and hurt my periodontal ligament.. (yeah who knew!) I really hope the tooth isn't dying :( A root canal I don't think would be fun on that... And My tooth would be bleached after that.. and I doubt would match my other tooth!! Talk about confidance killer.. I like my smile!!

Totally off to bed..~Nicki

Well.. Boo.

We had an Awesome Sunday.. we were outside like ALL DAY. Weeding the garden, planting new rose bushes ( which got eaten by something) thats where my picture came from :)! Just got alot acomplished! Then.. Monday roles around anxious for the appt/ ultrasound.. We waited a while cause they didn't have all my blood work nor my lap report.. Argh! Had my ultrasound everything looked fantastic.. just a tiny csyt like less that a centimeter.

Got some.. not so good news I guess? My AMH level.. sucks.. its on the low side of normal at 0.99 they like to see it above 2. Basically I have Dimished Ovarian Reserve... So just doing Clomid or Femera by itself went out the window.. We will be starting with Femera + IUI.. I'm praying this works.. I'm hoping my follies will be stimulated awesomly with just Femera and not have to move onto injectables. Or.. Even IVF..

So the plan now is.. wait for AF to start (since I just had an Ultrasound Monday) She said I won't have to have one CD 3. Take Femera CD 3-7, on either CD 11-13 for a follie check... then I will be instructed to take Ovadril.. (joy) then come in for the IUI 36 hrs later. I'm super nervous.. and hope that AF comes at a decent time..

I'm worried about work.. thats another problem. I could be doomed. Ugh... I'll let you know how that goes.. Just pray the are understanding.

I'm buying some books for Me and Danny and my mom so she can understand this better.. she thinks its so easy to deal with.. that I shouldn't have any stress.

We are hoping that IUI's are super expensive.. I will know how much Ovadril is tomorrow.. she recommened a mail order pharmacy which makes it less expensive? At least she said it does.. hahah We will see.
Working out lately has been good.. lost a few lbs.. cutting down to One soda a day water or juice the rest of the time.

Just praying and hoping to get thru this and have a bundle of joy at the end..

~Nicki

Pooped...

I hate blogger sometimes.. I had a post typed then it dissapears.. and somehow the Auto save thing.. doesn't save.. Ugh.. Will write again tomorrow I'm exaughsted!

~Nicki

I know its been almost a month!

But i've been busy and tired!!!

We finally got the approval for the RE.. We had our first appt on Monday. It went pretty good.. I guess. I'm not trying to get my hopes up too bad. The only thing I didn't really like was that she didn't introduce herself or vice versa. It was right to the point of the appt. She thinks i'm partially PCOS.. I told her I was diasnosed with it then Un-diagnosed.. I told her about being on Metformin and that I didn't feel it did much. She said since I am not showing signs of insulin resitance it wouldn't do much. BUT since Diabetes runs pretty heavy in my family It might help with me not getting it.

But I apparently need to get some kind of stress management.. Because this whole thing is making me really anxious, tons of anxiety attacks lately over ANYTHING and everything! Any one have any tips.. that would be awesome.

But she talked of a basic plan, but we will get a more detailed one when I get my CD3 bloodwork done. She believes I am Ovulating most of the time and if I am it just might not be a good ovulation. She did do a pelvic exam... Ow.Lets just say AF arrived right after she did that... So not cool. She said I might still have some endo behind my Cervix which may cause some discomfort when me and danny have sex when he goes deep (sorry TMI) I didn't like the sound of that.. ugh.. I don't want another surgery!!!

So thursday I go for CD 3 bloodwork.. Monday I have an Ultrasound to see if there are any Cysts or anything that might be causing the pain other than endo. Then CD21 i'll go for a Progesterone check.. FINALLY. I kinda hope this cycle is like this last one. I think I O'd on CD 15 and my cycle was only 29 days long. Woot!

I do have to stop my cholesterol Med.. as its Category X. Not exactly the best to take while TTC or prego. So good ol' exercise and good eating for me.. Boo. She said since i'm borderline I have to choice to start right away with treatments or loose weight then start.. Umm 3 years.. I'm not waiting any more i'll loose weight during treatment the best I can! And also I can choose between Clomid or Letrozole (i'm sure i spelled that wrong) I think thats Femera? Gotta google.. hahah She said we will try a couple months of either of those with TI then if that doesn't work Add IUI.. <3 that plan. She said we are a ways a way from Injectables and IVF mainly because I think I ovulate on low doeses of meds.

I'm excited but hesitant at the same time.. I did sign a release to have my records from Dr. R's office to go to her's. Yay.

I have other stuff to talk about but my head is killing me and i'm tired!!! Hope thats enough to keep you all in content ;)!

~Nicki

I suppose...

That I could update this.. Been working days.. then coming home and doing absolutley doing NOTHING. Ugh.. I hate it. BUT I cannot get any motivation to do anything.. which has got to stop. I just am more productive when I have someone to be productive with.. I could so tell that if I lived by myself.. I'd weigh a ton and my house would be a pigsty....

Well.. I did get treated for BV.. my symptoms came back after our 6 day sex session... Yeah.. 6 days in a row.. We were dead tired! SO.. that was fun.. I got a gel suppositiory stuff.. Yeah ew. I hope I don't ever get that again! Also.. at my pap I got a fun new genetic Cholesterol Test done.. and got the results this past Monday...

I guess I have asked for this.. and sorta not.. My gentics are against me.. as far as cholesterol... but I could have eaten better and exercised more. So Now I have to completly change my diet and start exercising.. Yeah.. its pretty overwhelming. Not to mention I'm low on Vitamin D. So I get to have an overdose of that hahah 50,000 units of 12 weeks. Woo! And Meds for the High Cholesterol.. which May or may not work.. because of my genetics. out of the population.. only 25% Of people are like me... Joy. Good thing I like fish haha. Can't get my meds till Payday.. a week away.. ugh. Gotta eat all the crap or do something with it anyways..

Working on the refferal to the RE.. Its not going so smoothly.. this is the first time they have reffered anyone to this clinic.. cause its new.. and its part of the University of Colorado. Praying they approve it.

Me and Danny are doing good.. He had his first therapy appt. Basically he was a bordeline sex addict.. Wow.. I couldn't be more different than him.. I can pretty much live with out it.. and he needs it constantly.. But he's working on putting his mind on other things. I'm worried constantly.. even more so that I've been working days.. I don't know what he's doing... I check his e-mail all the time.. and his phone when I get a chance.. but yeah. Nothing is for sure anymore. Ugh.. I hate not being able to trust him anymore.. But he did it to himself.. We both have to live with it now..
Still trying on the sex thing.. after that little 6 day sex thing I got treated for BV.. no sex allowed.. then AF came.. after like 40 days! UGH! So.. trying to get the feeling back again. With all thats been happening .. its just not there I feel even more ugly and insecure about myself. Which doens't help.. I want it.. and then all of a sudden he comes home and the feeling vanishes.. It sucks.

In other random news.. Getting the garden up and running.. lettuce, peas, broccoli, garlic and onions planted :) Beans, tamaters, and peppers next.. Then I want watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, cucumbers, maybe potatoes? Not sure about pumpkins this year. I also Finally planted a blueberry and raspberry bush :) I want chickens.. We were going to get some.. then my mother crushed that dream saying they constantly get fleas? Ew. no thanks.. So much for fresh eggs... What I wouldn't give for a little farm and to be mostly self sufficent.. I want fruit trees too.. mainly cherry, peach and plum.. I have an apple. Redoing front garden that was overtaken by grass! Have grass growing in back.. now gotta plant more.. before it gets too hot! If the weather cooperates on sunday we will be outside.. since I don't have the money to do anything fancy for easter...and mom and dad are in Fl with sister and new nephew.

It sucks.. all I want is to have a wonderful easter with a munchkin to dye eggs with and bake with and hide eggs.. Guess thats too much to ask for anymore.

~Nicki

Whirlwind...

Thats what the month of March was... In a nutshell..

I discovered something I would have really not liked to discovered. Danny was sending pictures back and fourth... explicit pictures between some woman he didn't even know. Also.. when I found this he has started talking to an Ex that found him on FB... That was the icing on the cake.. It was a giant mess.. We have decided to try and work this out.. Danny has some issues he has to work out..

I had a long post all typed out after it happend.. But Blogger wouldn't let me post it.. So alot has happened since then... I'm thankful for the fact that the State (where he works) gives 6 free counsling sessions. He will be going to a few of them by himself then I will be going..

The reason I decided to try and work this out is because it was just thru a computer... Thankfully. If it was a face to face affair.. I would totally be done. I do love him and want to make this work.. which right now we're doing pretty good.

He slept on the couch for about a week. He said he was sorry everyday.. and we talked... alot. I won't go into deatails.. because it was alot of stuff to take and and sort out.

To say the least.. the jist of our problems was totally the lame sex.. due to infertility and making it a chore. Lack of spontinaity... him feeling he can't talk to me about anything, because he always thought I would get mad.

So since then.. We have had amazing.. amazing Sex.. Like... was it ever this good before we got married!? We are trying to do things to keep it fun and exciting..which is a problem in of it self! But we will try our hardest.. I keep thinking about it and wonder if it will always be that good.. and I just want more.. We have had sex 4 days in a ROW. All Amazing. Or as Danny mimicked me.. Fucking Epic.

We randomly drove to Denver yesterday.. Had a good time :) Just the 2 of us.. something we don't do alot.. but need to start .

I did get a call from my Dr.. saying that my pap was normal..other than the fact I had traces of BV? Yeah.. that brought up a set of questions if he was absolutly positive he didn't sleep with someone else... At 1 am this morning. So apparently.. I just have a crappy ph down below.. and need to fix it. So my raging yeast infection I had last month...was not a yeast infection.. which is why it never really went away.. Not having any symptoms right now so they won't treat with antibitotics..


Thats whats going on in the world over here... Taking it day by day. Thats about all I can do.. It seems like all the relationships around me are crumbling.. My friend Stacey is having problems with Travis.. and Jeff and Shayrn are pretty much done.. and he won't let it go.. She is a total.. Bitch for lack of a better word.. blaming everything on him when he hasn't done anything but give her everything.

It seems in a weird way.. me and danny are better that what we were. Its strange...

~Nicki

Ok..

The past 3 weekends.. the weather has NOT cooperated AT ALL.. I Have a butt load of stuff to do outside.. First weekend was Snow.. the 2nd and 3rd.. THE WIND... I HATE IT WITH A PASSION. Ugh. Evil.. Our backyard is like a sand pit.. dirt blowing everywhere.. So.. Needless to say.. All the got done the past 2 weekends.. is we dug up the front garden (still that way and looks horrible) Expanded garden and got new dirt, planted grass and thats as good as it got. I wanted my veggies planted and the new garden done!

Stupid wind..

On another note.. I finally called the RE only to find out that I need to get a referral from my Primary Care Dr.. and they need to send it to get approval from the insurance company.. Major Suckage... why would the freaking insurance need to approve it? Can't I just get a referral? Ugh... Frustration!

Thats about it in our little world around here.. Well.. My days off are changing :) So me and Danny get more time than one full day a week together! Yay.. I go for my pap (long past due since Sept.. Whoops)

~Nicki

Another LONG post blogger wouldn't let me post.. hope it will be quick and painless.. unlike last time.

Testing

We almost...

Got another Dog.. OMG.. I've offically gone crazy. He was a 5 month old Heeler mix.. Cutest thing ever and met my One critiera.... He Didn't have a tail.. Well one that would do much damage like Wrangler and his duster do hahah. His litter mates we're loud and noisey... and he Didn't bark.. at ALL.. Not even Once!!! He was so sweet :(!!! I so wanted to take him home.

But of course.. Mom crushed that one. Like she always does.. Not to mention I went to a Lia Sophia party tonight.. I get a text from her.. NO JEWLERY.. Seriously? You're telling your 25 year old she can even buy a damn pair of earrings? ARGH. I should have put a deposit on the damn dog just to spite. Everything was inculded.. First shots, Flea and worming and Nuter.. all in the adoption fee.

My poor house.. would become a NUT HOUSE... 3 cats.. that don't really like dogs.. Minus Bean.. (she's an attention whore) hahah. Volt would probably have a shit hemmorage.. and Doc.. We'd neve see him again.. Wrangler would be the only happy camper! *insert spaOHH DOG DOG! PLAY LETS PLAY.. ALL NIGHT.

Ugh.. Uterus.. I need something else to love.. That won't run away!

~Nicki

I know I'm such a slacker!

I called off work today.. Because.. I'm burnt out I miss my hubby and It was just one of those days.

I really need to change my availability.. Here's my problem...
~Will I loose hours?
~Will I loose my 1 dollar extra if I ever wanted to go back to working Sundays? Argh.. If only my Manager wasn't so hard to talk to I might get a straight answer.

So anyways.. We went to Pueblo today. We mainly went to get Danny some model paint.. Lo and behold the Hobby Lobby in Pueblo is closed Sundays.. GO FIGURE.. SO we went to Lowes. I got a cute little color changing hummibird light :) A new light for above the fire place! SO much better than the ugly brass/gold looking thing from the 80's..Now I need a matching celing fan hahah! Also got some stuff for the garden/lawn. (I tried to convince Danny the fruit trees they were selling were small enough to fit in the Mafia size trunk we have) He said no. Damn.

I never blogged.. BUT 2 weekends ago I got to see my Godson! He is just SO damn cute.. and getting TOO BIG... He is almost 12months.. OMG. We had friends over we hadn't seen in a long time and went to steak out Stacey's dream house hahah. Then we fed the duckies.. who procceded to get REALLY Close and bite my finger.. Damn Geese.
We had a good time tho.. Gideon is talking and almost walking!!! I do forsee One problem... Wrangler wanted to eat Gideons Sing a ma gig.. (cutest thing by the way) But good thing.. The cats are TERRIFIED Of him! Hahah.

I am SO ready to get in my garden.. Its getting made bigger this year.. The corner its in is not doing so well.. Too many bugs and not enough Sun. I'm growing grass this year if it KILLS me. Don't care how high the water bill gets.. I want GRASS. My poor eyes and nose deserve it.

Which I need to go to the Dr.. To see about allergy shots.. then Need to get my Records.. yeah I know I'm a huge slacker.. from Dr. R. and go to the specialist. We want Baby. PRONTO. I don't car if I'm pregnant in July while watching Jason.. just give me a baby. Blunt enough no? I think almost 3 years is long enough with out one. We will be married 4 years in July.. Holy crap.. where has time gone!?!?!? We've been together 5.. Insane.. I feel like I've been married for far longer haha.. Is that a good thing? Holy crapola.. Its almost 11 !!! Gotta head to bed.. Gonna head to Springs (weather permitting) To get the tiller from my parents and give my mom her BDay Orchid (she's been wanting one since i've had mine) and money for car.

Oh and happy note We're getting a nice check for Taxes woo!! Mucho better than 11 dollars :)

~Nicki

I cannot think of title for this post.. So. I'm not going to make one.

Everything has been going great so far. A few hiccups here and there... I had a blast on my birthday minus the fact that there wasn't alot of dancing involved. There was like NO ONE there. I'm assuming cause of the weather and superbowl.

The day after we had to get up kinda early, because we made a desicion to get some extra cash to get caught up on some things... we Paid off Lowes, Dr. R, a check loan and some money to pay back my parents for fixing my car. We did this by redoing Danny's Citi Finacial loan.. Ugh.. Horrible I know.. Our payment only went up like 2 dollars. So inturn.. We are down to 2 credit cards. My goal is to do Double payments on Discover whenever we get the bill. So it will be paid off soon! Then we can work on US.. that seems impossible hahah but we're getting there.

We had an awesome Valentines day.. Minus the morning (went to bed at like 12 got up at 6, left at 730)..We went to Salida in the morning with Jeff to get hay.. I've been sick so coughing and loosing my voice were included. I kinda had a headache..Next thing I know its freaking 11:30 and we're standing there talking.. No hay in truck.. OMG. Headache is getting worse.. On the way back we get food.. thinking that's why its getting worse...Nope.. Getting worse.. by the time we finally get home its a migraine.. Movement and lights hurt. AND we have to go to dinner!? Ugh.
We didn't get home from Sailda till 3:30. Didn't leave for Springs till 4:30. Traffic caused us to get to Saltgrass at like 6:30... an Hour and 15 min wait to be seated.... I REALLY wanted to eat here... Something new and different. Luckily the 800 mg motrin started to work it only takes about 20 min to be seated WOO! 70 Dollars later we had an awesome dinner :) and a good rest of the night minus burning tounge on my Starbucks.

I got spoiled... He cleaned house Sunday,got me Roses, a mini Red Rose bush, a teddy bear and Ghiridelli Chocolates.. (caramel my fave) and the Sweetest simplest card ever... I told danny I hate you after I read it hahah ( it made me dry) He is the sweetest thing ever and I don't know what I would do with out him. Seriously. We are so good for eachother its stupid. I mean we act like a brother and sister... I never realized it until now.. But we are seriously best friends... now I know what everyone was talking about.


Treatments... Due to redoing the loan.. We can start treatments. After we do taxes i'm making and Appt. I should get on that...We have everything I just need time.. when Danny and I are home not doing other crap. I might get to see my mobile godson next Monday.. I need to squish him He's getting so big and cute! Ugh.. feeling a bit neauseated right now.. due to.. some medicine.. So i'm gonna go lay down.

~Nicki

So far...

My birthday weekend has not been going to way I planned.. We're in the middle of a snowstorm.. Joy huh?

Drove to Elizabeth.. about 30 min from here to go to Big R.. bad Idea.. roads were ok on the way there.. on the way back not so much. I did get a shirt. I will wear tomorrow as We are going out. I hope.

Bailey ate my first cake my mom made while we were at Big R and they had to get one more piece of Lumber for the kitchen cabniets. So my mom being the nice woman she is.. Made another one.. It was the best cake ever.. SO moist with homemade chocolate icing.. it was like giant chocolate doughnut cause she uses a bundt pan. It was awesome!

Another bad thing.. A friend promised he would come.. over a year ago.. we've had this planned. He pussied out.. because of his bitch Fiance'... She is a piece of work.. Turns everything around on him and treats him like shit.. yet he wants to make it work.. She is not worth making it work no matter how much you love her.

My husband is moping. He has practically no friends outside of work.. Except him.. there goes another one.. because both of his friends of 10 years both have ditched him.. We must not be the friendly type. I have 2 friends from HS.. thats about it for me. Whats so hard about making friends? I never learned how to very well because of moving ALOT. It sucked.. I'm shy as a result.. not that happy go lucky outgoing person my mom is.. She can make friends ANYWHERE.Ugh.. such is life I guess...

Well Hopefully tommorow is better.. Super Bowl, Hopefully funny ass commercials, Good food and a fun night ahead. Please Weather.. cooperate just a smidge!

~Nicki.. OMG... Im going to be 25 in t-minus 2 days. Hey and instead of AF coming can I get a BFP on a preggo stick?

Motivation

...Or lack thereof.

Zero of this exists in my body at all. I cannot bring myself to do anything. I had a pretty good day yesterday. Minus Big R Rejecting my payment.. Nice miscalculation on our parts. Suckage major.

Oh well.. such is life right? Mine is not so hot right now. I lost my debit card and discount card.. got My Discount card first.. So thought Bank would come first.. not so much going on like 2 weeks now wtf?

My nose is driving me nuts right now.. One side has been clogged all day.. Really REALLY annoying.. Yes I know i'm like Miss. Scatterbrian Queen.. But I can't hlep it! No clue who even reads this hahah.. But I don't care its my outlet.

Pretty sure i'm depressed about everything in life right now. I love my husband and my marraige but there are things around it that really suck.. Such as Money.. Infertility, And Work. I so wish I could go back to school.. Pretty sure i'd make a pretty sweet Dental Assitant... But that will never happen. So until that miracle happens I will work at Walmart .. for like ever.

Money.. we're working on it.. We now only have 3 Credit Cards.. Compared to 4. Which is good. I think anyways.

Infertility... Is still there.. Thinking about stopping temping its just one more thing that makes in on my mind all the time. Sometimes I just wish I could stop thinking.. When I'm busy.. I don't think about it.. but at work I always think about it. Home, Always. With friends.. Rarely.. Can I just not work and hang out with cool people all the time!?

Ugh.. Yeah thats how i'm doing.. pretty crappy. I have good days.. and bad days... I THINK I might go dust.. It needs it So bad.. Would it be horrible if I hire a Merry maid to come dust my house? My allergies SUCK So i dust..almost like never. Danny hates it too.

~Nicki

I know I know..

I'm a slacker..

BUT I cannot contain my self... I just bought tickets.. to see Jason Aldean on July 23rd in Cheyenne, Wyoming for Cheyenne Frontier Days.. OMG OMG OMG! They will be in my hot little hands in about 10 days!!!

In other news.. I lost my Debit and work discount card... Boo. NO idea where. So i'm getting new ones soon.. I hope. *sigh* this year could be going better I think.

I REALLY want to start treatments.. Hoepfully soon. I'm going nuts. Nothing is happening Naturally what so ever.. if anything Its gotten worse cycle wise... Ugh.. SO fustrating!!!

I need to do a really long update.. but its going to have to wait because i'm really tired... all the time. So I need to find some engery somewhere to tell bloggy land how i'm feeling these days.. So until then.. I do read everyday just can't get the engery to post a decent post...

~Nicki

Pondering.

I think I have found something I might love more than Ice cream :) Gardening.. Its fun.. at least in spring and fall hahah Summer is a bit iffy! BUT I want to redo my front garden that a mole has taken its sweet time destroying.. because apparently I have grubs... If they have killed my roses that I So preciously LOVE...there will be warfare. So this year.. I want to garden more! Canning was fun but time consuming but the fact I do not have to buy pickles or salsa is a nice thought ;)!

Also.. I am wanting to cook more! Meaning I don't want to eat out as much and try cooking more meals at home.. This could be fun or disaster. I'll let you know how this goes. hahah


~Nicki