I suppose...

That I could update this.. Been working days.. then coming home and doing absolutley doing NOTHING. Ugh.. I hate it. BUT I cannot get any motivation to do anything.. which has got to stop. I just am more productive when I have someone to be productive with.. I could so tell that if I lived by myself.. I'd weigh a ton and my house would be a pigsty....

Well.. I did get treated for BV.. my symptoms came back after our 6 day sex session... Yeah.. 6 days in a row.. We were dead tired! SO.. that was fun.. I got a gel suppositiory stuff.. Yeah ew. I hope I don't ever get that again! Also.. at my pap I got a fun new genetic Cholesterol Test done.. and got the results this past Monday...

I guess I have asked for this.. and sorta not.. My gentics are against me.. as far as cholesterol... but I could have eaten better and exercised more. So Now I have to completly change my diet and start exercising.. Yeah.. its pretty overwhelming. Not to mention I'm low on Vitamin D. So I get to have an overdose of that hahah 50,000 units of 12 weeks. Woo! And Meds for the High Cholesterol.. which May or may not work.. because of my genetics. out of the population.. only 25% Of people are like me... Joy. Good thing I like fish haha. Can't get my meds till Payday.. a week away.. ugh. Gotta eat all the crap or do something with it anyways..

Working on the refferal to the RE.. Its not going so smoothly.. this is the first time they have reffered anyone to this clinic.. cause its new.. and its part of the University of Colorado. Praying they approve it.

Me and Danny are doing good.. He had his first therapy appt. Basically he was a bordeline sex addict.. Wow.. I couldn't be more different than him.. I can pretty much live with out it.. and he needs it constantly.. But he's working on putting his mind on other things. I'm worried constantly.. even more so that I've been working days.. I don't know what he's doing... I check his e-mail all the time.. and his phone when I get a chance.. but yeah. Nothing is for sure anymore. Ugh.. I hate not being able to trust him anymore.. But he did it to himself.. We both have to live with it now..
Still trying on the sex thing.. after that little 6 day sex thing I got treated for BV.. no sex allowed.. then AF came.. after like 40 days! UGH! So.. trying to get the feeling back again. With all thats been happening .. its just not there I feel even more ugly and insecure about myself. Which doens't help.. I want it.. and then all of a sudden he comes home and the feeling vanishes.. It sucks.

In other random news.. Getting the garden up and running.. lettuce, peas, broccoli, garlic and onions planted :) Beans, tamaters, and peppers next.. Then I want watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, cucumbers, maybe potatoes? Not sure about pumpkins this year. I also Finally planted a blueberry and raspberry bush :) I want chickens.. We were going to get some.. then my mother crushed that dream saying they constantly get fleas? Ew. no thanks.. So much for fresh eggs... What I wouldn't give for a little farm and to be mostly self sufficent.. I want fruit trees too.. mainly cherry, peach and plum.. I have an apple. Redoing front garden that was overtaken by grass! Have grass growing in back.. now gotta plant more.. before it gets too hot! If the weather cooperates on sunday we will be outside.. since I don't have the money to do anything fancy for easter...and mom and dad are in Fl with sister and new nephew.

It sucks.. all I want is to have a wonderful easter with a munchkin to dye eggs with and bake with and hide eggs.. Guess thats too much to ask for anymore.

~Nicki

Whirlwind...

Thats what the month of March was... In a nutshell..

I discovered something I would have really not liked to discovered. Danny was sending pictures back and fourth... explicit pictures between some woman he didn't even know. Also.. when I found this he has started talking to an Ex that found him on FB... That was the icing on the cake.. It was a giant mess.. We have decided to try and work this out.. Danny has some issues he has to work out..

I had a long post all typed out after it happend.. But Blogger wouldn't let me post it.. So alot has happened since then... I'm thankful for the fact that the State (where he works) gives 6 free counsling sessions. He will be going to a few of them by himself then I will be going..

The reason I decided to try and work this out is because it was just thru a computer... Thankfully. If it was a face to face affair.. I would totally be done. I do love him and want to make this work.. which right now we're doing pretty good.

He slept on the couch for about a week. He said he was sorry everyday.. and we talked... alot. I won't go into deatails.. because it was alot of stuff to take and and sort out.

To say the least.. the jist of our problems was totally the lame sex.. due to infertility and making it a chore. Lack of spontinaity... him feeling he can't talk to me about anything, because he always thought I would get mad.

So since then.. We have had amazing.. amazing Sex.. Like... was it ever this good before we got married!? We are trying to do things to keep it fun and exciting..which is a problem in of it self! But we will try our hardest.. I keep thinking about it and wonder if it will always be that good.. and I just want more.. We have had sex 4 days in a ROW. All Amazing. Or as Danny mimicked me.. Fucking Epic.

We randomly drove to Denver yesterday.. Had a good time :) Just the 2 of us.. something we don't do alot.. but need to start .

I did get a call from my Dr.. saying that my pap was normal..other than the fact I had traces of BV? Yeah.. that brought up a set of questions if he was absolutly positive he didn't sleep with someone else... At 1 am this morning. So apparently.. I just have a crappy ph down below.. and need to fix it. So my raging yeast infection I had last month...was not a yeast infection.. which is why it never really went away.. Not having any symptoms right now so they won't treat with antibitotics..


Thats whats going on in the world over here... Taking it day by day. Thats about all I can do.. It seems like all the relationships around me are crumbling.. My friend Stacey is having problems with Travis.. and Jeff and Shayrn are pretty much done.. and he won't let it go.. She is a total.. Bitch for lack of a better word.. blaming everything on him when he hasn't done anything but give her everything.

It seems in a weird way.. me and danny are better that what we were. Its strange...

~Nicki