Well Crap...

This cycle was a complete and total bust.. They had to cancle it.. as I Ovulated on CD 9.. Wtf? My RE refused to do and IUI that day because I had like no mature follicles.. the biggest one was 11mm.. So she took and LH blood draw.. being as it was a Friday, I would not get the results till Monday.. RE said she would call.. well Never got the call..

Me and Danny head up to springs for my sched u/s, because maybe it had just been a fluke OPK... Well Of course not.. I have to have a screwed up body.. I guess it was a good thing that we did it the night before.. and then that Friday.. But that was it. So Out the window went $300.

SO plan for whenever Aunt Flow decides to show up which maybe early.. because i've been super bitchy and moody.. OR maybed thats just cause i'm stressed and want the holidays over already. Anyways.. We're doing injectables.. Umm.. yikes? Yeah.. I get to shoot myself up.. NOT looking forward to that .. for at least a week! We have to mix it.. yeah. The thought of giving myself a needle... if danny is not there.. makes me want to pass out. THANKFULLY we got this next months worth of meds for Free! Yay for Samples!! I get to do a WONDERFUL Suppository of Endometrin.. Not looking forward to that.. Dunno why I gotta take it my progesterone is usually fine..

Here's the shitty part.. After the first few doses.. I have to drive to Springs (56 miles ONE WAY) Every other day!!!!! Suckage.. I'll take twins at this point.. but not Quintuplets! Gotta be monitored real close..if I get more than 5 mature follicles.. I get cancelled.. they will probably tell us not to have sex.. But I am not going to waste over $1000 for a treatment.. I'll have Sex. the chances of them all releasing and fertilizing are slim to none.. Because I wouldn't take the Ovidrel..

Praying hard this next cycle is the one..

If Not.. we're taking a break till after the holidays.. its too crazy.. we would need to save an ass load of money for drugs, gas an copays. We will take that time to do that and pay off some of the bills that are already rolling in.. Ugh.. Plus we have tags due for 2 of our cars... mine and the New one.. *die* Whos brilliant idea was it to have tags due at the SAME time!? I dunno.. Not to mention right around the holidays.. Another thing..we don't want to try to schedual around holidays and closed office days.. And risk a cancelled cycle.. Plus it will be snowing and crappy weather so its probably best.

On another note.. We hung with Mike and April for the first time in a long time. We went over for dinner and so Danny could help move some stuff out of their spare room that will be the nursery.. It was a little heart wrenching.. Knowing that I don't know if I will ever have the joy of watching Danny put together OUR baby furniture.. or Go to an Ultrasound to find out if we are having a girl or a boy. It hurts.. it hurts a lot. It seems like everyone thinks we need to hear all these miraculous stories of Oh they just stopped thinking about it and it will happen or adopt and you will get pregnant. Sorry People.. It does NOT always happen that way.. I have stopped thinking about it.. And lookie here I'm still not pregnant. It actually hurts us more to hear those things.. At least for me it does.

Also.. people don't know that its probably actually CHEAPER to do a $20,000 procedure to have my OWN child than do an adoption at this point.. me and Danny aren't here yet.. I'm sure if we don't have child in a few years... we might think about this. But not right now. I just wish more people were more sensitive to this whole Infertility thing.. there are millions of couples who suffer through this.. I do not wish this on my worst enemy..


Guess thats it for now.. Off to another restless night of sleep.

~Nicki