Google=bad!

I Don't like google anymore.. It made me sad :( I hope that if I do have endo that its not bad. Because I cannot afford IVF... now or anywhere in the future.

In other news.. My eyes are horrible today... I think benadryl has stopped working for me.. Which sucks.. PLUS I think I', either getting an ear infection or a sinus infection.. cause when I Blow my seriously clogged nose.. my ear pops.. Oh joy!! Ugh.. Oh well what can you do.

I think I have psoriasis or eczema because I keep getting little random dry patches sometimes in the same spots.. or different spots.. and the one on my foot is itching like crazy.. and its a few inches from where I had the last dry patch that lasted FOREVER...

Today was a good day.. Laughed my ass off watching Top Gear.. then Was traumatized by a spider landing on my shirt.. Hyperventilating and crying was involved.. Yes I am an Arachnophobe. That was my worst nightmare happening before my eyes.. So not cool... Thank god it wasn't huge or I might have died.

I Need a good cry... and I do not forsee it in my near future. Possibly Monday? Now I gotta tell Danny that if I have severe endo..we can kiss kiddos good bye... We both have never even talked about adoption or even have the urge to do it.. Its not for everyone.. and I think i'm one that its not for.. *sigh* thats a whole other thing in itself!

~Nicki

*sigh*

So life isn't getting any better down here.. Now my car is dead.. It wasn't the thermostat.. so its either the water pump or a head gasket.. Nice huh? Like I said with my luck its going to be the most expensive thing... So I say Head gasket.. We're taking it Monday or Tuesday morning to get it tested for free..(Thank god for my inlaw and her mechanic)

As for other things... I've been in a very sour mood lately.. I blame AF on her way.. should have started 4 days ago.. and I know i'm not preggo... Not to mention.. I've discovered something.. I have NO Lidbido.. none.. zip zero zilch.. and when I do.. Danny isn't home..he does something stupid.. and or I'm in the mood and I can't bring myself to go in for the kill.. And I don't know how to fix this...

Like right now.. I want to.. but I don't want to? I am so attracted to Danny.. he's lost a bunch of weight and looks pretty sexy If I do say so myself.. Me on the other hand.. Am full of flab and an extra 60 lbs... I do not find myself remotely attractive...so i guess I don't see how Danny does either..

Ugh.. I'm just a mess.. wish there was something I could take for libido.. but I'm to embarassed.. I'm 24 years old I shouldn't be having this problem right now.

I think i'll go dig into my banana bread I just made.. Yum.. Yep shouldn't have even made it or eat it.. but i'm gonna.. I'm such an emotional eater.. its horrible!!

ARGH! Fustration!!

~Nicki

Really... Really.. REALLY?

So... today I had my appt with the Dr.. everything was going great.. Car was fixed, weather was gloomy that kinda weather! On time.. Then.. we go in the office.. ( I didn't get asked to pay my co-pay so that bill i'm sure will be in the mail) All of my labs are perfect! I very unlikely have PCOS...He thinks I have endo... and I have a cyst on my right ovary.. Boo. So.. I'm schedualed for a Lap and an HSG (i'm assuming he called it some weird long C name) The 16th is when its schedualed for.. I'm nervous as hell and don't know what to expect!.. Danny was almost in tears (kinda funny)

We're getting in the elevator I see his bottom lip puff out.. I

Me: whats wrong?
D: I just got told my wife has to have surgery
Me: well I was kinda expecting it.. get it out of the way so we're not 5 months down the road and 4 failed cycles..
D: Thanks for keeping me in the loop
Me: you don't ask questions on anything.

So.. Then we head home... I get a perfect Starbucks carmel machiato.. Then we're off to Panara bread for a cinnamon crunch bagle *love* We get there.. Get it.. smooth sailing.. OH NO! We get just past Ft. Carson.. all of a sudden my cooling gauge goes thru the roof and the little senser is beeping.. a trail of fluid is leaking from my car as I pull over.. SERIOUSLY!?!? (Mind you this happened as my car JUST reset its self from the replacement of the nutral saftey swtich..) I about died.. we eventually make it back to Safeway get water in hopes thats it.. Nope 2 hours later after pulling over 500 times to let the engine cool and put more water in.. we make it home... Holy crap.

Thankfully a thermostat does not cost and arm and a leg.. Praise the lord! Its waiting to be put in tomorrow..

I guess I should be thankful that

~The Roof is fixed ( Thank you Dad)
~My car WAS fixed at least this next one is hopefully a cheap fix.
~New door on Water heater a REAL door haha Hinges and all!
~Caulking around windows redone...(Thanks Babe)
~Weeds semi controled ( thanks mom)
~Allergies have been decent lately :)
~My garden is growing wonderfully! ( Picked my first cantaloupe!



So Yummy!!

Lets see what else.. I'm dead tired.. I have done all the laundry.. just gotta fold the Whites.. I'm leaving the putting away for Danny haha.. Dishes are done.. I had a WHOLE post written out in my head... hahah Of course its gone! Oh well!

I took a bunch of pictures of my garden, as I just love it and hope next year it will be better than this year!


My Watermelon I hope it gets the 35-40 lbs its supposed to before the weather gets cold!!





My lone Sugar Pumpkin! All the other ones keep falling off :(




My 2nd Cantaloupe hope its ready in a couple weeks!



I seriously hope september brings much better new and luck.. I must have broken a mirror, walked under a ladder, or killed some bamboo somewhere along the line.. God If your reading this.. Please let me have some better luck Next month.. and forthcoming months.. my poor sanity can't take much more thanks.. and much love

~Nicki

PS: Yep its along one!! Hope you all enjoy my garden :)We have more Jalapenos coming out are EARS!

Sunburn...

I got sunburnt yesterday.. Not too bad tho.. just enough to bug me with the bra I'm wearing!!! My mom and Dad came down and help us tear down pesky weeds.. that cause my allergies.. yesterday My eyes we horrible..I'm pretty sure I have diagnosed myself with allergic conjunctivitis... Not pretty.. But basically the allergies give me 'pink eye' but in a non contagious way.. only to myself and other eye ball.. JOY!

Who should I go see.. my GP or eye Dr? Hmm.. 30 bucks or 50? I think i'll call my GP and make an appt I'm miserable...Today.. *knock on wood* they arent as bad.. but my throat hurts and my ears itch.. from sinus drainage.. BOO.

I'm tired and want to do nothing but sleep... Thank god it Friday.. Since I only have one day off with Danny now.. (They changed his days to Sunday Monday) Tuesday I'm going to attempt Menu Planning!! I found a nifty website that will hopfully help!

www.dinnertool.com

It seems easy to navigate and plan! And you can make grocery lists on it!! Also I think I will bake on Tuesday.. Like making homemade bread :) and Pumpkin Oatmeal Cookies~!! A Recipie I found in a Halloween cook book :)

I'm ready for fall.. Hence the baking of Cookies and Bread haha! Cooler weather.. I can handle Low 80s and 70s... the 90s and above are getting old!!

Ugh.. Danny should hurry up with my lunch I made him go get Subway :) Plus he needs to get fixing the car!!! I like the truck and thank god we have it.. Or we'd be screwed! Also.. I'm anxious I have to call Dr.R on monday to see whats up :) .. And i'm getting sidetracked hahah So i'll stop for now!!

~Nicki

Allergies...

Why.. oh WHY Do I have to suffer from this ailment? They only ever effect my EYES and nose.. horrible! I'm going to have to break down and call my Dr to see if they do allergy shots.. or if I have to go to an allergist! Its getting really unberable.. so much I came home from work early today.. I was a walking zombie.. seeing as how Benadryl is the ONLY thing that makes the itching in my eyeballs stop.. UNLESS I walk around with Ice cubes on my eyes.. Not so attractive.. I already get weird looks holding my Frozen waterbottles to my eyes.. I reply 'Allergies' then show them my swolledn super RED eye.. and they cringe...

Ice cubes seem a little impossible tho.. as you cannot see out them so.. scratch that till i'm at home!

Going to take another benadryl curl up on the couch and watch Harry Potter :)

~Nicki

*sigh of relief*

Well today started off getting up early for my ultrasound... Got there.. its a male u/s tech.. Eh.. Not so cool.. But might as well get over it.. since OB is one hahah He was really nice :) BUT the machine did not want to cooperate.. He said we just might have to reschedual.. *me thinking* OMG NO I just got up at the crack of dawn and drove and hour and a half in the horrible jeep and you want me to resched!?!?!? Thank god he got it up and running!

It was weird.. Different and not as uncomfy as the first on I had done.. I got to see blood flow it was cool hahah! And Apparently I have a good cushy endometrium :D Perfect for a little eggy!

After that.. it was like a short appt... but anyways we stopped at Starbucks... here's a vent. I don't drink coffee very often... like ONLY Starbucks.. We don't have them where I live.. So I only get them when i'm tired or need a boost when i'm in Springs... Ordered my Carmel Macchiato with extra carmel ;) ... Not so good service at that one..yes I know it was early and your busy with your regulars..But I was really wanting/ needing that coffee..She was talking to apolice officer( they had a window broke) and ignored the extra carmel part... BOO. Coffee SUCKED.. Thanks lady.. Customers FIRST!


Work.. thuroughly boring.. besides 10 racks of flowers we were not expecting! Get home, message on machine... Dr.R!! Saying that all looks well for this cycle :D!!!! Have to call him back on Monday for more details :)! Maybe i won't have to drive back up Tuesday! Woo!! I'm excited!

~nicki

Seriously?*venting big time*

I swear this has been the worst year of my life to date... Not only do we need to come up with some serious odd dollars to fix my ailing life.. It has nothing remotely to do with my health.. but everything else.. Cars.. House and work... Seriously I don't need anything else to go wrong that already has...

So.. here is a list of things that have happened so far this year...

- Altenator on my car went out.. went thru 2 of them and a battery to fix the problem... That cost over 200 dollars...

- Windsheild on My car and Dannys needs to be replaced.. 100 bucks a pop...Still needs done..

-Door that covers hot water heater... is broke.. temporary fix..that is NOT holding.. needs a new one before winter.. No idea of cost..

-Roof.. JUST done in Febuary.. Needs roofing tar around heater vent.. because its leaking and runined the furnace part we JUST had put in.. thats 300 and some change...

-Septic needs pupming.. thats going to run about 300.. (just remember this)Joy.

- I would love to call an exterminatior.. to fumagate my house.. seeing as how I have drain flies infesting my spare bath.. and also the crawl space.. as I Hate spiders and the ones my cat killed last night.. they are not welcome in my house.. I had a heart attack.. it was 2 ft away from me.. NOT COOL.( No idea the cost)

- And just today! My car no longer starts.. No its not the Starter or the altenator.. or the battery.. You guessed it! Its the Nutral switch! It says my car is in Reverse.. but its in park.. So I don't have a car.. Its going to cost 128 bucks to replace a stupid piece of plastic with wires.. WTF!?
this
I'm so done.. what else can seriously go wrong? We were so counting on Dannys raise this past paycheck... they screwed him out of that.. so we got the full blunt of the pay cut.. of 2 1/2 percent.. Yet these state mother fuckers want to open a NEW STATE OF THE ART PRISION That is going to cost Lord knows how much and need 834 Staff.. to open ONE SECTION of a 8 Wing Prision.. Thats fucking rediculous.. if you cant afford to pay your people you won't get them to work for you anymore than they do now... Just kill some of the mother fuckers that are in there for life ... make some room.. Seriously.. (yeah I know thats harsh..but i somewhat beileve in the death penalty)

In other crappy news.. I have been having serious problems with my allergies.. I have to be doped up on Benadryl.. and then hardly function.. Its impeeding my daily life.. I scratch my eyes SO much its retarded. I looked like a Raccoon the other night.. Danny will no longer have the same days off as me.. He's still on swings... but it still sucks.. I have Monday Tuesday he has Friday and Saturday. Blows a big one.. I am due for my annual 'womanly check up' Was supposed to be this month.. but I think i'll have to have it done in September.. I have my ultrasound with Dr. R Thursday.. I'm not sure what to expect.. Thank god I get paid Thursday or I would have to call an cancel.. So looks liked we're driving the Jeep.. OH JOY (I hate this thing I wish someone would steal it)

I have to figure out something to seal the roof with.. the adjuster said roofing tar.. But i have a feeling its going to cost and arm and a leg.. for a gallon... and I guess we will have to go up about every 6 months to a year and look at it.. damn mexicans.. cheape labor.. = cheap job..( no offense to anyone of hispanic decent just the idiots who did my roof) they never sealed it.. and broke the welds on the vent.. AWESOME. Mother of jesus.. what else can go wrong? I'm seriously at my wits end.. Like.. I could get Dannys shot gun and shoot myself.. good thing I don't know how to load a gun or know where his keys are to the locks. ( I would never do this I'm too much of a chicken)

Throw it at me.. See if I care...I would like to know how it could get worse.. I guess having the Jeep and Ford go caput would just kill me.. I'm thinking there will be no christmas this year.. Just a gift for mom and dad.. and Gideon. Oh which by the way I can't vent to my mom apparently because she thinks i'm asking for something.. Nice huh? Danny wants me to tell him whats wrong and to let it out.. Really you NEED TO ASK THIS!?!?!? I told him that and I said i just need to cry and then he proceeds to tell me... don't cry baby.. YOU JUST SAID LET IT OUT! *#^&($^%*W$(^%!

AY CURUMBA! My blood pressure is probably thru the roof right now.. And people wonder why I can't loose weight.. the amount of cortisol my body holds is probably unreal.. Not to mention PCOS makes it nearly impossibly.. Stupid Disease... Why me god WHY!?! I have a feeling my bloodwork was not too swift and will get more bad news on Thursday...

I feel a smidgen better.. I guess I'm making pickles now.. because apparenly I let my cucumbers over grow.. Nice huh? I'm going to have jars upon jars of pickles.. and they might not even taste good... I only like Valasic..( anyone want to divulge their pickling spice?)

Off to make pickles.. Sorry if I have offened anyone in this post.. I just seriously needed to vent... And I'm sure i've left out some stuff.

~Nicki

( See now my backround that I LOVED DOESN"T WORK!! ARGH)

long first week back..

My lord! I don't think I can handle much more! Discovered a leak above heater... Leaking onto electrical components of said heater which is probably why it no longer works... JUST had roof finished back in feb!! And obviously did crappy job! Ugh will finish later phone is being a butthead!

Ok.. days later hahah! Still dealing with heater issue.. UGH Apparently we have been labled a disaster area? Due to the amount of claims they have been handling.. we have to wait..Boo.. Still don't know if we have to pay another decutible.. if so I'll just fix it myself.. its only going to cost 300 to fix the heater.. and decduct is 500.. Hmm I wonder which seems smarter!

Danny is getting the royal screw over already for his promotion.. was supposed to have been promoted the 1dt of July.. eehhh Nope! 'Oh we messed up the paper work he is still slated for promotion the 1st of Aug...' So you mean to tell me you pinned him and he didn't get PD!!?!?!? MOTHER *BLEEP* Yeah. we were counting on that raise.. here's the kicker.. He will not be going to CSP II... he will be going to CSP I.. and possibly graves.. dunno days off yet. I may never see my husband again.. which could make baby making a bit difficult! But.. the money he will bring home from raise and then shift differential on graves will be nice :)

On the money front.. we are SO strapped this month its crazy Ugh.. I might be able to scrape by and get my ultrasound.. but on Monday or Tues when we come up to see my brother! Its cover by insurance 100% so yay! Only have to pay copay!

I think thats about it for now. I'm not looking forward to work.. Halloween will be appearing soon.. which means all the cute fall stuff!! ( I LOVE Fall colors!) Actually.. I think Fall is my new fave season :)! And on that note.. I have to go get ready for work.

~Nicki