Thoughts

You've been warned! Before I get going for the day.. even tho is 10:35am... I'd figured i'd update this thing!!


I POAS( Peed on a stick) this morning.. even tho 6dp3dt is WAY to early LOL.. I had to.. Just that over whelming urge. So I did... and it was stark white. So.. Just hoping and praying a line will appear in a few days. I have that strong gut feeling this didn't work.. I asked Danny today if I was like this with our first IUI that did.. and he said yes.. so maybe that translates to it did work but I don't want to think it did?? I swear... If I have triplets I will not complain.. hell if I have one I won't.. I just pray that one embaby snuggled in. We want this soooo bad its killing us.. I don't know what will happen if it doesn't work.

 The people supporting us thru this.. I just don't think they understand the financial, emotional and physical aspect of this tiring process... Four years of this is way too much for anyone to bear.. I honestly don't know how some couples go thru many more years of this. I just can't fathom another 4 years. I mean I'm glad we started when we did.. but how much longer can we keep going?? We're seriously going to have to cut everything back in order to continue with anything.


Danny made the car payment the other day.. we have 49 payments left.. Why can't it be like 12 LOL? Life would be better if that was the case! It will be hard to figure out where to cut from because.. we'll we don't do much as it is..

Christmas this year.. doesn't even feel like Christmas. I haven't baked a single thing. I just finished Christmas shopping.. well expect some little stuff.. This it the earliest its happened LOL. But i'm not even excited about whats under the tree.. I don't even know how we are gonna do Christmas this year... Since we are both off. My mom told me she hasn't even done a tree or anything.. Our tree is dead already.. How sad is that? I'm going to try to do some baking today... We will see how that goes LOL.

I'm trying to finish Gideon's scrapbook. Sad. But i need to get it done and get it out so its out of my way. Its taken me since September to even look at it. Plus we've been busy.

I love scrap booking.. wish I had more time for it.. Well I do I just need to make myself do it.. Plus it would be nice to have something to scrap book about.

I should have never taken this much time off.. I have literally gone insane.. all by myself all day.. No one will let me do anything like I'm going to fall apart!  I BEGGED Danny to take me outta the house 3 days ago.. and have gone out every night since.. Because I'm ready to kill an animal or something by the time Danny gets home at 3. The First night we just went to dinner up in Pueblo at Chipotle because mexican is the only thing that sounds good. The 2nd night we went and saw The Hobbit and had dinner.. and last night we finished Christmas shopping in Pueblo. Wow Was I tired after all that walking LOL. I felt weird.

So maybe today i'll be content at home baking and scrap booking. Have to call the office again tomorrow and get them to send in a release for Tuesday so I can go back to work.. OMG.. I WANT to go back to work.

Well  I think i've babbled enough.. I hope that my miracles for this months haven't run out and in a few days I get a positive preg test.. My actual Beta test is Friday. Praying soooo hard..

~Nicki