We started with this.
Beautiful Right?
We ended with this.
See how all the branches are flat?? And its really not.. well green??
Now we have this :)
Green and Happy even tho it looks like its missing a branch at the top LOL
So.. like the title says.. our First IVF failed..Me and Danny are pretty devestated.. but are trying to move on.. Just like my nurse Jodi said we will have ups and downs. It sucks its was right before Christmas.. and Yesterday.. It did feel like the end of the world. I am now thinking of all the possible testing and things we can do to move on as quickly as possible. Not cycle wise but life wise. It will be a long time before we cycle again. We will need 18,000 dollars to cycle again. Due to the added need for ICIS. One thing that is still getting to me.. which I will ask Dr. Murray, is why did we have that one Chemical with our first IUI.. is a natural pregnancy possible, Or with IUI?? I will schedule our WTF appt after Christmas.
I do want to get tested for my Thyroid maybe any other autoimmune issues.. because I feel that something is totally wrong other than having DOR. Maybe I do have PCOS.. I want to know.. I have been diagnosed, undiagnosed and partially diagnosed.. Really annoying. I'm one of those people.. Unexplained is NOT an option for me!!! I have symptoms of lots of things.. even if I have to go to my regular Dr.. Who is pretty awesome too.. I will.
I do have in the back of my mind that we get healthy and if something is wrong and can be corrected with meds that we *might* conceive naturally.. which would be the best thing ever.. Or maybe even try a couple more IUIs. I will NOT be telling anyone we are trying again.. It was just way overwhelming.. I do appreciate all the prayers and thoughts.. but It was just too much with everyone asking.. and then they can say or do the wrong things.. Which.. well just makes it WORSE. Me and Danny will go at our own pace and keep to ourselves.
I also want me and Danny to get healthy.. I want to try not to eat out as often and when we do eat better, because there are those weeks you just run and run, then you are never home for a meal. I want to try the stab at meal planning again LOL. Trying new things.. maybe even doing partial gluten free? I need to read up on this and see what is and what isn't gluten free. Because I know for infertiles it can be good. I haven't lost anymore weight.. well because its the holidays and the goodies only come once a year ;)! I'm happy with that. I think my motivation finally showed up to get healthier and loose weight, specially my stomach.. I hate it.. So I see a lot of sit ups in my future!
I really Lucked out with my husband.. He is the best ever.. Does everything he can for me to make me happy.. even tho sometimes I don't deserve it.. Like getting 2 Christmas trees? Who does that? He said he will do anything to make me happy and whatever we can to save and try again. I really do love him.. I couldn't find another man in the world like this. He is truly a gem. Danny did get spoiled this Christmas.. and with the giant Disney Store box that came in the mail a few weeks ago... So did I ;)
Danny did say one thing.. We might go to Disney depending on Taxes.*Maybe* in July, Aug, Sept! I am totally NOT opposed to this :) I miss it.. and we need to get away just the 2 of us.. Maybe even see my sister and Niece and Nephew. So I will gladly save and look forward to that. As well as saving for future treatments :)
Disney World 2013?? Sure!! Why not!?
~Nicki
PS: Having the worst period ever.. OMG.. I took 2 Tylenol 3 with codeine last night and woke up feeling like a million bucks.. haven't had a sleep like that in a long time. It was lovely.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
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