Numb.

Yesterday was Retrieval day.. So very nervous and excited.. They got 17 eggs...  I should be happy right?

Well no. Because this is the call I got this morning..

12 had no eggs.. and the other 5 did not fertilize.

They will be doing rescue ICSI ( hail mary) but chance of pregnancy from them is slim.

What do you do when you learn you may not have children because you don't have eggs, or the ones you do have.. won't let the sperm in?

I haven't figured this out yet..

Got a call a little while later saying they ICSI'd the 5 and then 4 more popped up in the incubator.. so they did them as well. Danny's sperm is apparently fantastic.

I cried and cried.. E-mailed Danny and said I needed him to call me.. needless to say we are both home.. and both a mess.

We are devastated and don't know where to go from here.  I want a bio child so bad.. But do we move on to Donor embroys? Do we try IVF again and automatically do ICSI? Do we adopt? Or do we live child free.. because right now all of those options are not options.. because well.. You need and obscene amount of money to do any. Right now we need another 2000 just for ICSI.. Because we were told we didn't need it.. Should have done it anyways.

So lost and numb right now.. Praying SO hard that God will give us just one embryo.