A rough go...

Lately I have been struggling with infertility lately.. its really biting at me to start trying again. We just never have the stupid money to try.. I'm thinking of switching insurance.. to see if there is better coverage out there. I also want a second opinion.. I really love my RE and the nurse staff.. they are so nice.. its been over a year since we did any sort of treatment.. we did one IUI after the failed IVF. It was of course a no go.. and then we just stopped.. we haven't even TRIED to get preggo.. and still nada.

We are just almost a week away from out 7 year anniversary.. It seems soo crazy that we have been married almost 7 years.. it seems like we are in a rut.. its been just us 2 for 8 years... we have gained one furbaby that hasn't been with us since we have been together.. all of my other animals are 7 or older.. I really want to share the feeling of family with him.. our own little family. After finishing the nursery all I can think about is how I want no one else but our baby in that nursery.. I'm sure I will feel differently when we get a placement.. if that ever happens. But right now.. with it empty that is how I feel.

I'm feeling lost.. I don't know what direction to go... do I get a second opinion now.. or just wait and let my ovaries get older and unused?? I want nothing more that to carry just ONE child.. Just one. Its all I want and nothing more.. I guess its too much to ask of anyone..

I really feel that something is wrong.. and which is why I feel strongly about a 2nd opinion.. Maybe I just need to go for it?? I'm loosing hair again.. not as bad but its noticeable.. I'm all of a sudden having a psoriasis break out, totally out of the blue they just started appearing.

The house hunt is no where near over.. we've had 3 people look at it.. no offers.. we have one tomorrow.. we think we have found our house.. but the bedroom size is the only thing that bugs me, everything else is perfect. Of Course. It is not on the market our realtor works with a couple of investors and one bought that house.. so he would fix what we wanted fix new carpet, paint etc. and of course what we want done.. and in our budget.. Both have been out of town and we haven't heard anything yet.. maybe tomorrow. I guess I should go clean for tomorrow and catch up on some shows!

~Nicki

Working on my tan....

So to speak.. Today was weeding day  out in the garden.. Didn't get the front ones done but hey tomorrow is another day.. A lot has happened since my last post.. its been crazy.


We should be done with our training by now.. but um we kinda hit a speed bump. We put our house on the market. Yeah.. Basically we had been toying with the idea forever but nothing was moving.. and all of a sudden.. BAM House market starts moving.. so the ball went rolling! We had several projects to finish and declutter the house... omg I was having panic attacks and stress out the wazoo, So much so that my hair started falling out again :/ Such is life.

 I feel like we do everything backwards.. Now everyone is asking WHY we put it on the market.. Don't get me wrong I LOVE our house.. But its just to small there is no extra space for storage because we don't have a garage.. only the shed. If it comes down to it we will stay here and pay off our 2nd and then refi and put a garage in. It was a now or never kinda thing. So we just did it. If  it sells it sells if it doesn't its just meant we are supposed to be here longer! Plus I got a finished nursery out of it :).
   We put it on the market at the first of June.. and haven't had one single one single person look at it. Kinda disheartening... But I guess time will tell..

We are very close to starting the home study process.. our certification worker wants us certified by the end of next month.. We literally have to initial some packets and get our physicals turned in and then we can start... Honestly i'm scared to death.. I hardly have anything we need, toys, clothes and im sure a bunch of other little things!! Yeah.. ensue more panic there. I know everything will come together its just a matter of time. I'm worried about things like child care and how that will all come together.. me and Danny are hardly ever gonna see each other because of different days off so we can cover child care.. Ugh.. I guess this is normal for parents?

I just have to keep saying to myself.. this is the path that we are meant to go on, when the path changes is only up to the lord :).

Thats whats been up in our neck of the woods.. Crazy.. work and life is a crazy journey.. and we are learning more everyday to say the least! I'm dealing with a super annoying immature co worker lately.. OMG whole 'nother subject there!  To say the least i'm always sure there is more to put in the post but I can't think of any LOL but this should bring you up to speed :)

~Nicki

PS: 35 days till vacation in July and 96 days to  Disney World!

Yes I'm alive...

Just very busy with this thing we call life!


~Still doing training for Foster.. is only took them forever to get it to us and get everything situated... omg.. They were 'changing' things at the department.. thanks for the heads up.. guess its a taste of things to come.

~Doing CPR class this next wed.. Woo?

~Still getting crap done around house.. talked to a realtor..about maybe selling.. its still up in the air.. but doesn't look feesable .. We have out grown this house.. I have literally gone thru all of my belongings and everything I have.. I want to keep.. We need a garage hands down. But we're broke go figure.

~Have everything for the nursery just need to put it together.. Wishing it was for our own... Feeling pretty upset about that lately but I guess its normal..

~Wishing I could be doing treatments.. maybe soon?

~We literally spent all weekend outside.. it was beautiful.. PS: Grass in garden beds suckkkssss.

~Garden is planted and flower beds look pretty! Tree is trimmed lol.. Junk mostly hauled off!

~Disney in 138 days or so!  So busy.. life is defiantly getting in the way of all things :)


~Nicki

PS: Pretty sure i've missed a bunch! Hope a real update soon!!

For Real...

Seriously. I'm kind of glad that I am no longer friends with Stacey. I think she has gone off the deep end.. I am almost NEVER on twitter. The one time I decide to look around on it.. I see the lovely comment about How a certain someone should stop trying to get to her son through her family and to stay the fuck away..  Well here's and interesting thing. I Ran into her sister the same day she posted this.. all I said was Hi how are you ( being courteous) and then I went back up to her.. cause well I thought her sister was nice.. and asked her next time she sees Gideon to give him a hug and kiss from us.. cause well we miss him!

Yeah... I don't even know why she would say that... I haven't even talked to her in almost 2 years.. how am I trying to get to him?? I swear. Drama must be needed in order to function. I don't need drama.. I like to be drama free.. Plumbing issues are the extent of all the drama I need in my life. Thank you very much.

So frustrating that she wouldn't even talk to me after the whole ordeal if you would even call it that.. That's what makes me mad the most. It was all one sided because of that bitch that thought she knew everything.

Need to move on and not have this kept being brought up in my life.. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change that.. I have a loving husband, a roof over my head and my fur babies and family that love me for me and that's all that matters.

As some people say my hands are washed of this. If I ever run into anyone from her family I will just ignore them.. if they try to reach out.. I'll just ignore that to.

Kinda glad we keep to ourselves most of the time! Its clearly needed!

~Nicki

We've been busy...

To say the least... We have a new shed for one! We started it on February 17th... we JUST finished it last weekend.. Like seriously.. it took FOREVER. Way longer than we wanted.. all thats left is to organize the inside and bring the Christmas out so a munchkin can have a closet :)

 Here's a couple photos!

 The walls.. We thought we were saving time by reusing the side walls.. Come to find out that our shed was 2 5ft sheds put together.. This house I swear.

 Almost all done painting :) and non leaning shed!  Nice and Sturdy :)

 Our deck is finally finished! Just have to stain it when the weather cooperates....Love it!

This was last summer when we did the base of the deck! 

 We found a bunch of stuff under the deck.. including about 20lbs of pink aquarium rocks.

 It was in pretty rough shape.. none of the wood used was pressure treated.. Which is like a no no. 

Anyways.. Happy that the major projects that will affect our home study is all done :) Now just a bunch of little stuff..Painting the nursery and putting down baseboards.. we finally found pieces to match out laminate floor to separate from the carpet.. can't think of the name.

So we haven't heard anything back from the girls at DHS... so hope all is going well. Will be calling on Monday and seeing when we can get some more class materials... We have core classes on Friday and Saturday.. and I need to get set up for CPR. So much left to do!

We are going up to my parents tomorrow because my Sister , Brother in Law and the kids are in town!! So we will stay 3 days up there and Danny's sister will stay here with the fuzzies. Pretty excited cause i'm on vacation for 10 whole days. So needed.. September was my last one!  Too long. As soon as I see how much vacation I get this year i'm putting in for July and September and then i'll probably take one after the new year since I *hopefully* get 3 weeks this year.. depending on average of hours worked.

Right now its currently snowing... and my sinuses are draining which is making me cough and have a scratchy throat... So i'm gonna veg out and find some dinner! Hope you all are well in Blog land!

Just to let you know...

I'm still alive we've been super busy....4 weeks of working outside rebuilding a shed.. Crazy.


All of our paper work is turned in, finger prints done and background check in the works!!!

More soon :) vacation is less than a week away!!!

~Nicki

Random things...

I'm bored.. since I got off at 8 I guess I could update this. Feeling a little unmotivated lately to write.. So a little bit of bullets and maybe a few sentences hahah! Oh and it will probably be all over the place!


~Rocky is turning into such a good boy :) I sat on the floor the other night and didn't get mauled! Except for being Licky Mc Lickerson. He must lick everything!

~Wrangler.. is turning into Mr. Old and Senile...! He is starting not to listen anymore and thinks that he can do everything brother can't.. Dork. Sorry buddy equal treatment here hahah!

~The Kitties.. are being the kitties..not much to report on them!

~ We started cleaning crap.. I was just over it! Everything we were keeping got boxed up and put in the closet, if it wasn't it got sold or thrown out! We got rid of the desk... we just didn't use it. It was huge and bulky.. we can get another if we need one.. although it will be smaller LOL!

~Our couches.. we hate them.. No more squishy couches in this house! Looking at a sectional.. this one is already falling apart and springs are coming out! UGH. Not impressed. New couches and a recliner are in our future.

~Officially done with One Main Financial!

~Disney World 2014 is a GO! We are praying that a munchkin gets to go to!! We will not be purchasing a dining plan this time around.. saving for all food purchases :) looks like it will be the way to go because we will have a full kitchen in the room so breakfast will be eaten there! Except maybe one day.. I will have Mickey waffles ;)

~Probably going Monday to get Finger prints and background done :) ! Need to finish our autobiographies too.

~Umm.. I've gone a little crazy.. With buying things LOL.. We have a crib.. $79 bucks.. down from 168.. And its convertible! Convertible car seat.. was 99 bucks.. got it for 40!! (its for the truck) Got our Travel system (stroller and carseat and base) with BRU trade in event! So on sale there too! Crazy! And other things.. clothes.. and a diaper bag :). Trying not to feel guilty about it.. I know I shouldn't.. but its WEIRD.. Like SUPER DUPER WEIRD!

~So ready to get the new shed up.. looks like we may have a few weeks *crossing fingers* of nice weatehr ahead!

So anyways.. can't remember if I mentioned.. the girl who went with us on our first appt with DHS. Did I mention she was crazy?  She was totally going to do this for the money and just show off the kid..I wanted to smack her.. OH.. and she wanted to get preggo at the SAME TIME!!!! Did I mention she's single? I just didn't understand.. like make my brain hurt. She said we should do our baby showers together.. I was like Um NO. I've waited this long to have one of my OWN.. you are not sharing in that! Tons of people are so happy for us and all want to throw me a shower! Everyone is so happy for us, which makes me feel so loved and overjoyed :).
   Yesterday.. she came up to me and said that she is leaving May 1st and is getting married May 9th. Umm.. Ok? Apparently she is getting back together with her ex boyfriend. She told me she was sorry she couldn't do foster to adopt with us.. (SIGH OF RELIEF) but she doesn't know why she would want to parent some other persons kid anyways... <<< EXACT WORDS. Seriously. Wow really? BUT you are going to be a step mom.. Um can we say calling the kettle black? She is just ALL over the place.. and today she is all i'm getting cold feet yadda yadda.. Of course you are because you have no idea what you want!  She says he's going to give his answer on Saturday.. so umm.. you proposed? She doesn't want to 'uproot' her self and move all the way to Alaska, but yet she loves him..  OMG.. its all so crazy.. She is so self centered and selfish.

Me and Danny have tried for so very long and wanted this so much.. We feel so very blessed having this wonderful support system and cannot wait for our journey to end with a munchkin in our home and hearts!

I guess she sounds crazy to me.. because we know what infertility it is.. and what it means to go thru it.. we still are, but we are at a different place now.  I probably sound horrible for saying this.. but she just isn't meant to be a mom.. She offered for be a surrogate.. just so she could help her self with her enodmetriosis. To me.. she just wants to be a mom to say she's a mom.. Me and Danny want to give  a child unconditional love and teach right from wrong and give compassion to other people and many other qualities you teach a human being.

That is all for now.. sorry its kinda long.. guess I had a lot to say :)

~Nicki