We've been busy...

To say the least... We have a new shed for one! We started it on February 17th... we JUST finished it last weekend.. Like seriously.. it took FOREVER. Way longer than we wanted.. all thats left is to organize the inside and bring the Christmas out so a munchkin can have a closet :)

 Here's a couple photos!

 The walls.. We thought we were saving time by reusing the side walls.. Come to find out that our shed was 2 5ft sheds put together.. This house I swear.

 Almost all done painting :) and non leaning shed!  Nice and Sturdy :)

 Our deck is finally finished! Just have to stain it when the weather cooperates....Love it!

This was last summer when we did the base of the deck! 

 We found a bunch of stuff under the deck.. including about 20lbs of pink aquarium rocks.

 It was in pretty rough shape.. none of the wood used was pressure treated.. Which is like a no no. 

Anyways.. Happy that the major projects that will affect our home study is all done :) Now just a bunch of little stuff..Painting the nursery and putting down baseboards.. we finally found pieces to match out laminate floor to separate from the carpet.. can't think of the name.

So we haven't heard anything back from the girls at DHS... so hope all is going well. Will be calling on Monday and seeing when we can get some more class materials... We have core classes on Friday and Saturday.. and I need to get set up for CPR. So much left to do!

We are going up to my parents tomorrow because my Sister , Brother in Law and the kids are in town!! So we will stay 3 days up there and Danny's sister will stay here with the fuzzies. Pretty excited cause i'm on vacation for 10 whole days. So needed.. September was my last one!  Too long. As soon as I see how much vacation I get this year i'm putting in for July and September and then i'll probably take one after the new year since I *hopefully* get 3 weeks this year.. depending on average of hours worked.

Right now its currently snowing... and my sinuses are draining which is making me cough and have a scratchy throat... So i'm gonna veg out and find some dinner! Hope you all are well in Blog land!

Random things...

I'm bored.. since I got off at 8 I guess I could update this. Feeling a little unmotivated lately to write.. So a little bit of bullets and maybe a few sentences hahah! Oh and it will probably be all over the place!


~Rocky is turning into such a good boy :) I sat on the floor the other night and didn't get mauled! Except for being Licky Mc Lickerson. He must lick everything!

~Wrangler.. is turning into Mr. Old and Senile...! He is starting not to listen anymore and thinks that he can do everything brother can't.. Dork. Sorry buddy equal treatment here hahah!

~The Kitties.. are being the kitties..not much to report on them!

~ We started cleaning crap.. I was just over it! Everything we were keeping got boxed up and put in the closet, if it wasn't it got sold or thrown out! We got rid of the desk... we just didn't use it. It was huge and bulky.. we can get another if we need one.. although it will be smaller LOL!

~Our couches.. we hate them.. No more squishy couches in this house! Looking at a sectional.. this one is already falling apart and springs are coming out! UGH. Not impressed. New couches and a recliner are in our future.

~Officially done with One Main Financial!

~Disney World 2014 is a GO! We are praying that a munchkin gets to go to!! We will not be purchasing a dining plan this time around.. saving for all food purchases :) looks like it will be the way to go because we will have a full kitchen in the room so breakfast will be eaten there! Except maybe one day.. I will have Mickey waffles ;)

~Probably going Monday to get Finger prints and background done :) ! Need to finish our autobiographies too.

~Umm.. I've gone a little crazy.. With buying things LOL.. We have a crib.. $79 bucks.. down from 168.. And its convertible! Convertible car seat.. was 99 bucks.. got it for 40!! (its for the truck) Got our Travel system (stroller and carseat and base) with BRU trade in event! So on sale there too! Crazy! And other things.. clothes.. and a diaper bag :). Trying not to feel guilty about it.. I know I shouldn't.. but its WEIRD.. Like SUPER DUPER WEIRD!

~So ready to get the new shed up.. looks like we may have a few weeks *crossing fingers* of nice weatehr ahead!

So anyways.. can't remember if I mentioned.. the girl who went with us on our first appt with DHS. Did I mention she was crazy?  She was totally going to do this for the money and just show off the kid..I wanted to smack her.. OH.. and she wanted to get preggo at the SAME TIME!!!! Did I mention she's single? I just didn't understand.. like make my brain hurt. She said we should do our baby showers together.. I was like Um NO. I've waited this long to have one of my OWN.. you are not sharing in that! Tons of people are so happy for us and all want to throw me a shower! Everyone is so happy for us, which makes me feel so loved and overjoyed :).
   Yesterday.. she came up to me and said that she is leaving May 1st and is getting married May 9th. Umm.. Ok? Apparently she is getting back together with her ex boyfriend. She told me she was sorry she couldn't do foster to adopt with us.. (SIGH OF RELIEF) but she doesn't know why she would want to parent some other persons kid anyways... <<< EXACT WORDS. Seriously. Wow really? BUT you are going to be a step mom.. Um can we say calling the kettle black? She is just ALL over the place.. and today she is all i'm getting cold feet yadda yadda.. Of course you are because you have no idea what you want!  She says he's going to give his answer on Saturday.. so umm.. you proposed? She doesn't want to 'uproot' her self and move all the way to Alaska, but yet she loves him..  OMG.. its all so crazy.. She is so self centered and selfish.

Me and Danny have tried for so very long and wanted this so much.. We feel so very blessed having this wonderful support system and cannot wait for our journey to end with a munchkin in our home and hearts!

I guess she sounds crazy to me.. because we know what infertility it is.. and what it means to go thru it.. we still are, but we are at a different place now.  I probably sound horrible for saying this.. but she just isn't meant to be a mom.. She offered for be a surrogate.. just so she could help her self with her enodmetriosis. To me.. she just wants to be a mom to say she's a mom.. Me and Danny want to give  a child unconditional love and teach right from wrong and give compassion to other people and many other qualities you teach a human being.

That is all for now.. sorry its kinda long.. guess I had a lot to say :)

~Nicki

Hmm..

Today is Danny's 29th birthday! LOL we're getting old around here! I found several gray hairs on my head.. EEK! They will promptly get plucked.. I refuse to dye my hair lol cause I like my hair color!


So I think me and Danny have finally decided to do adoption.. We are either going to do a home equity loan or a home equity line of credit. It just feels right.. I am happy with this home.. just wish it was a little bigger but for a family of 3 it will be just fine for now! We can add on or something LOL! Just need to fix up a few things before we take that leap.. IE finish my cabinets , bathroom and redo the porch. Those are the major things and then of course.. always need a fresh coat of paint! I REALLY would like new carpet.. but we will see LOL. Someone throw  a HUGE deal on it please!!!

Anyways.. Danny asked me about IVF.. I said I want to do it again.. but right now I just want a baby in my arms.. and adoption is a guarantee. Somewhere down the road, if it doesn't happen naturally we will do IVF again. Adoption just feels right.. and I know we will not have any problem or any one in my family for that matter, Spoiling that baby to death and loving it with all our hearts!! I just want to share the love and everything else my heart is aching to share with another little human being that needs to be nurtured, loved and taught!


That is where we are right now and feel pretty good about it right now. It just feels right.   Almost like I'm being called to start my family this way first. So now we just have to get our duckies in a row and get everything straightened out around the house so it looks presentable LOL then send in the application and get approved for what ever amount they will give us :) of course we have to find the right bank with the right rate LOL. Its not going to happen super fast I will say that! We have our trip coming up in September so around there is when we will get everything going *hopefully* because we don't want to get a call before our trip saying come get your baby! We were told by the guy we talked to that we would probably get picked fast because of our age, I can only hope! But I do know it takes a while to get everything together and approved so I will gladly wait any amount of time!

~Nicki

Thoughts

You've been warned! Before I get going for the day.. even tho is 10:35am... I'd figured i'd update this thing!!


I POAS( Peed on a stick) this morning.. even tho 6dp3dt is WAY to early LOL.. I had to.. Just that over whelming urge. So I did... and it was stark white. So.. Just hoping and praying a line will appear in a few days. I have that strong gut feeling this didn't work.. I asked Danny today if I was like this with our first IUI that did.. and he said yes.. so maybe that translates to it did work but I don't want to think it did?? I swear... If I have triplets I will not complain.. hell if I have one I won't.. I just pray that one embaby snuggled in. We want this soooo bad its killing us.. I don't know what will happen if it doesn't work.

 The people supporting us thru this.. I just don't think they understand the financial, emotional and physical aspect of this tiring process... Four years of this is way too much for anyone to bear.. I honestly don't know how some couples go thru many more years of this. I just can't fathom another 4 years. I mean I'm glad we started when we did.. but how much longer can we keep going?? We're seriously going to have to cut everything back in order to continue with anything.


Danny made the car payment the other day.. we have 49 payments left.. Why can't it be like 12 LOL? Life would be better if that was the case! It will be hard to figure out where to cut from because.. we'll we don't do much as it is..

Christmas this year.. doesn't even feel like Christmas. I haven't baked a single thing. I just finished Christmas shopping.. well expect some little stuff.. This it the earliest its happened LOL. But i'm not even excited about whats under the tree.. I don't even know how we are gonna do Christmas this year... Since we are both off. My mom told me she hasn't even done a tree or anything.. Our tree is dead already.. How sad is that? I'm going to try to do some baking today... We will see how that goes LOL.

I'm trying to finish Gideon's scrapbook. Sad. But i need to get it done and get it out so its out of my way. Its taken me since September to even look at it. Plus we've been busy.

I love scrap booking.. wish I had more time for it.. Well I do I just need to make myself do it.. Plus it would be nice to have something to scrap book about.

I should have never taken this much time off.. I have literally gone insane.. all by myself all day.. No one will let me do anything like I'm going to fall apart!  I BEGGED Danny to take me outta the house 3 days ago.. and have gone out every night since.. Because I'm ready to kill an animal or something by the time Danny gets home at 3. The First night we just went to dinner up in Pueblo at Chipotle because mexican is the only thing that sounds good. The 2nd night we went and saw The Hobbit and had dinner.. and last night we finished Christmas shopping in Pueblo. Wow Was I tired after all that walking LOL. I felt weird.

So maybe today i'll be content at home baking and scrap booking. Have to call the office again tomorrow and get them to send in a release for Tuesday so I can go back to work.. OMG.. I WANT to go back to work.

Well  I think i've babbled enough.. I hope that my miracles for this months haven't run out and in a few days I get a positive preg test.. My actual Beta test is Friday. Praying soooo hard..

~Nicki

Sorry for the delay!

Well we had our Embryo transfer yesterday.. With a 6,7,8 cell embryos :) we decided on all 3 because they said with the rescue ISCI that not all 3 would likely take.


We had to leave 4 hours early.. because we got snow pretty much ALL day on Sunday!! I was excited but it was super icy and crappy roads. So we left at 630 am on Monday. We stopped twice, once right passed Ft. Carson.. because I had to pee and get something to eat. Then we stopped at 9 at the Park Meadows mall in Denver so I could empty my bladder.. then drink 32 oz of water.. Because you have to have a full bladder OMG. I shouldn't have started drinking so early.. Our appt wasn't till 11. So.. By the time we get there 2 hrs early.. we went to Panera Bread across from all the medical pavilions and the Hospitals ( there is University Colorado Hospital and Children's). Had some more water and a bagel to eat.. (mmm Cinnamon Crunch bagel) By the time we get over to the hospital its not even 10.. OMG.. It drug on and on.. I had to pee SO BAD.

By the time the nurse came and got us.. I could barely walk cause my bladder hurt so bad. She did let me pee a little because it can be too full! Well it sure as hell felt like it. So I felt a little better.. We got all undressed and Danny in scrubs teehee :)  We went back to the OR room and I was complemented on my full bladder. I felt a little embarrassed because there was like 7 people in the room. Talk about AWKWARD. Crotch on display for all to see.. I think there was 4 Dr.s, the embryologist, and 2 u/s techs.

It was a pretty surreal experience to see the embryos going in.. which is why you have to have a full bladder. I started crying.. well trying not too LOL afterwards me and Danny both broke down. It really didn't take all that long but it felt like forever because I had to pee so bad.. I had the option of afterwards to use a bedpan or wait.. I opted to wait.. then started freaking out cause I had to pee SO bad.

Then I freaked out thinking they would fall out LOL. That was the most uncomfortable ride ever. We stopped at Red Robin for lunch.. I think I did too much.. but I was sitting. I was reclined.. my neck hurt then I came home and laid down for a while tried napping.. then say up and messed around on the computer.. Still think I did to much.. But if its going to work its going to work. I'm off till the 18th.

Everyone thinks i'm going to fall apart!! I'm pretty sure I can stand to shower and get up to pee and maybe get myself some snack and drinks! Which by the way the progesterone is making me super hungry all the time and my boobs sore!

We are praying .. I have alot of people praying this works for us.. I really want our little miracle or miracles. We MAY get 2 frosties.. Didn't have an update today so hopefully soon they will let me know either way. They said yesterday the other 2 are still growing :)

I'll leave you with a picture of our embabies!! I hope a few snuggle in..If we do get triplets.. we will cross that bridge when we get there.. but we are hoping for 2 or 1 :)

~Nicki

Numb.

Yesterday was Retrieval day.. So very nervous and excited.. They got 17 eggs...  I should be happy right?

Well no. Because this is the call I got this morning..

12 had no eggs.. and the other 5 did not fertilize.

They will be doing rescue ICSI ( hail mary) but chance of pregnancy from them is slim.

What do you do when you learn you may not have children because you don't have eggs, or the ones you do have.. won't let the sperm in?

I haven't figured this out yet..

Got a call a little while later saying they ICSI'd the 5 and then 4 more popped up in the incubator.. so they did them as well. Danny's sperm is apparently fantastic.

I cried and cried.. E-mailed Danny and said I needed him to call me.. needless to say we are both home.. and both a mess.

We are devastated and don't know where to go from here.  I want a bio child so bad.. But do we move on to Donor embroys? Do we try IVF again and automatically do ICSI? Do we adopt? Or do we live child free.. because right now all of those options are not options.. because well.. You need and obscene amount of money to do any. Right now we need another 2000 just for ICSI.. Because we were told we didn't need it.. Should have done it anyways.

So lost and numb right now.. Praying SO hard that God will give us just one embryo.

Why does...

  This season always seemed rushed?? Today we are having Thanksgiving with my parents. Danny started Day shift today for the next 2 months, not cool. So right after he gets home and changed we will be on our way! My first Pumpkin pie is done and cooling, green bean casserole is ready for the oven when we get there and deviled eggs are ready.  Hope the pie tastes good LOL it doesn't look pretty.. I need to find a new crust recipie.. its just never enough OR maybe I should use it all instead of cutting it in half like it says to do.

I've been super tired and sluggish lately I just can't get going.. Unless I'm in a rush then its go, go, crash. I think Its the Lupron. I get little headaches here and there and hot flashes and then I'm so tired. It will be worth it in the end.. I know that for sure. One thing I'm worried about that never dawned on me until a few weeks ago.. What if this works and I get pregnant with twins and something happens and I can't work?? We'd be totally screwed.. i've never applied for any insurance thru my work.. and the offer things like short and long term disability. Ugh.. and open enrollment has passed. I'm at a loss! I don't know what to do.. also I want to take time off after Transfer so i'm not jostling things around.. but I have to take it off at the time of retrieval too. I think I'll take 2 weeks and have to call it good! Ugh.. so much to think about.

I have my appt wed and will start stimming shortly after that! Getting close.. and praying everyday that this will work.


I think I might take a nap.. before Danny gets off at 3.

~Nicki

PS: I finally am below 230.. Now I will totally ruin that this evening haha.

Mixed Feelings.

I'm feeling stressed and anxiety all at the same time.. I'm not digging it. I just want everything to get here and be done with and oddly be in the 2ww.. and find out at the end that we are pregnant.

Right now i'm battling a cold.. Not fun. Between clogged ears, nose, sneezing, millions tissues and fatigue.. I don't seem to be getting any better.. I just want to SLEEP.

I've been trying to get the energy and I can't think of a word for it.. to finish Gideon's baby book. I just can't bring myself to do it. I have the pictures and everything.. I just need to do it. Maybe Danny needs to be home with me while he plays video games or something? I Don't know.. but when I'm by myself I can't do it.. I almost did a little while ago.. but I made Kettle corn and plopped down on the couch. Once I get going it won't take me long.. Maybe before Christmas.

Speaking of. There is only 52 DAYS before Christmas! I want to have everything done EARLY.  But I know that won't happen LOL. I made Danny put my countdown outside ;) he was very reluctant hahah I said but its a COUNTDOWN! Hahah he has to learn to live with it :). Also I get to have Thanksgiving with my Parents.. not my brother tho.. as he will be overseas this year. But I'll take it.. haven't had Thanksgiving with them in um like forever. I can't even remember its been THAT long. It will be the Sunday before because me and Danny have to work.. but we will take it!


Now i'm going to go Pin my little heart away on Pinterest! Need Decorating Ideas!!

~Nicki

Whew!

Well AF Finally showed up Yesterday, with some horrible awful cramps!!  BUT I didn't have to get anything to get her to show up so that makes me happy!!!

All of my meds will be here today.. Yikes.. its starting to feel real!! I will start birth control tonight. Getting nervous and excited!

Well in other news.. these past few months have gone by in a blur!! The garden is long gone, my  puppy is huge and my house is staying clean.. we have money in the bank and life is just good!

Still don't have a new car for me.. Its all up in the air lol but after the first of the year we will start looking hard.. specially if there is a bun in the oven! We are thinking of selling my car to my sister in law.. She's all for it lol. So we will see. it just seems like a pain in the ass to trade my car in.. even when its pd off! I'd rather just have money down. They keep low balling me on my car.. Ugh. I really.. really want the Ford Edge still.. But also now I like the Toyota Highlander... BUT with all these recalls over the years.. not so sure!!

So thats about all thats exciting going on around here lol! Its kinda nice not to have drama in the life right now :) You get to enjoy more! I def don't feel stressed at all anymore lol except work.. but hey such is life!

~Nicki

Sorry!

My bad! I should have updated sooner!

Appt Last Monday for our IVF consult went well :) She would like me to loose at least 20lbs.. so We started that.. Its a slow process.. :( But hopefully I will get a kick start and loose it! So it looks like IVF in August or September!! We have to start getting everything in place for financing and time off etc. But we are so excited that it may finally be OUR turn! So it looks like if all goes well ( come one I have the perfect bun oven!).. We will have a May or June baby :)

All things on the puppy front are right on track. My mom thinks i'm crazy for getting another one. The way I see it.. Its my life i'm tired of waiting for approval for things. So.. we're doing it! We need something to keep us occupied and our mind off things! Plus I'm sure Wrangler would love a buddy ;) He adores it when Bailey comes over! So today I'm stalking the UPS man waiting for new toys, bowls and a kitty scratching post to be delivered! Its on its way.. So HURRY UP! Cause then we wanna go to Petsmart to get a few things.. IE a Kennel and leashes, and a few toys for Wrangler cause he needs to be spoiled too!

Danny has his Federal interview on Monday.. I'm so nervous and i'm sure he is too. I Hope all goes well I'll be a mess waiting for him to come home! It will be SO good for us if this happened right now.. Like beyond awesome.

 My house is tiny we have been rearranging and moving things around like crazy, and getting rid of things. How are we going to fit a Baby, 2 adults, 3 cats and 2 dogs.. in our little house!? If we have twins.. we HAVE to get another house lol! I won't complain there.. its the looking at houses that suck! I would like to find a more permante house with an actual landscaped yard, room for gardening, trees, 4 bedroom 2 bath house. Also.. no major fixing like this house needs.. Ugh.

Anyways.. Back to stalk the UPS man :)

~Nicki

Day 14, 15 and 16

Sorry.. I know i'm slacking! My Schedule  at work has been crazy and it doesn't look like its getting better any time soon.. I cannot wait until inventory is over and we get our new assistant. On another note.. my allergies have been driving me bonkers. Its Not even March. Damn warm winter! Ok.. Onward.


 Day 14 - Put your iPad on shuffle. List the first 10 songs that play.
1. My Little Girl - Tim McGraw
2. People are Crazy- Billy Currington
3. Love your Love the most- Eric Church
4.  Dangerous Man- Trace Adkins
5. You had me from Hello- Kenny Chesney
6. Walking In Memphis - Lonestar
7. A little less talk a lot more action- Toby Keith
8. My Next 30 years- Tim McGraw
9. Who's Kissing you now- Jason Aldean
10. Here with out you -3 Doors Down

( I'm shocked Jason didn't show up more... but then again I'm not shocked Tim Showed up as much as he did.. haha he was my other country man crush in HS ;) I have All his album!! Can't help it i'm a country girl at heart!! But I have other stuff too! )

 Day 15 - Show your favorite outfit or fashion pieces.
 I don't have a favorite outfit.. Sad no? I used to love clothes.. Now I just.. wear them. Nor do I have 'fashion pieces I wear the same jewelry every day. I am by no means a fashionista. I wear whatever I pull out of my closet which is usually jeans and a tee shirt!

 Day 16 - How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?

We decided we were ready to start trying a little while after we were married.. We have both always wanted kids but wanted to enjoy our time together, but something was just missing from our lives. So in May of 2008 I went of BC. And since then we have only had 1 Chemical pregnancy. Numerous treatments clomid, femera with out Ovidrel and with, Gonal-F, Bravelle. We've done it. Still no baby. IVF coming soon. We hope!

~Nicki

Day 9

Day 9 5 things you want to do before you die

1. First and Foremost.. Be a Mommy
2. Go to Ireland
3. Complete a scrap book.. (i'm such a slacker)
4. Drive/ Own a Corvette
5.Front row of Jason Aldean Concert WITH a Meet and Greet.

Yep. Granted I'd be A. Ok with just number one on my list!!

I am Jealous of Miss Chloe's mommy! She just had her not even 3 weeks ago and is already almost back in her pre preg jeans.. It will take me YEARS if that!! She's lucky her daughter is cute ;).  Blah.. I do not want to go to work tomorrow. I want Vacation. Oh On a good note! I might get to see my brother more often because he is moving to Idaho!!! That was where we were originally supposed to go instead of Texas that didn't happen haha. So he will be a little over 12 hrs away :)! I need to get preggo so I can see if I can use my vacation time or not.. I hate that.