Never enough...

Time in  a month, week, year to accomplish what you want too! Sorry for the Hiatus.. kinda needed. We have been trying to keep busy, i'll try to recap everything that has happened since September...!

I seriously cannot believe it is December.. After Disney, where we had a blast with my family!!! Getting to spend time with my brother, sister and her family plus my mom and dad was a blast! It had  been too long, I wanna go back now.. but it will be a few years till our next visit! Of course..my period showed up.. and I forgot to pack enough necessary items.. I will say.. tampax.. in cardboard applicators.. OMG Worst ever. Travel on the way back was a disaster.. Almost like our trip down on our honeymoon stuck  for 10 hours in  Dallas.. Only this time.. We never left Orlando.. Because that was the day someone caught the air traffic control center on fire in Chicago.
   We had boarded the plane, luggage and ALL. Only to be told to deboard as well as our luggage.. and go to the help desk to try and get another flight..no one is going thru Chicago.. AWESOME. That took about and hour.. only our lady didn't pay attention and our next flight plane was coming FROM Chicago.. Delay number 1,2,3 and 4. We were supposed to leave Orlando at 8 am.. we had been up since 4:45am? We left Orlando around 4:30pm, yeah for real. We miss BOTH the connecting flights  she gave us.. the last seriously by 5 MINUETS. We were put on a standby flight to Denver... Mind that our car is in Colorado Springs..that plane was to leave at 9pm.. we prayed that we would get on. Thank god we did.. Danny's mom came and got us in Denver.. drove us to Springs airport and we got our car and drove home.. Got home at 2am. Ugh.. Then got up the next day and got our luggage in springs lol.

   October just kinda flew by.. Danny's grandmother passed away.. that took all of October.. hardly ever home. Had a serious Indian summer... its still going.. Been in the 60s :( ! We had a potential placement... it fell thru. We started attending a church and we love it! We go to life group on Tuesdays  and just enjoy it very much :) its so nice to have support and someone to go to when we need some help with anything! I had my pap.. and then talked about anxiety.. and started some medicine for that.. cause I had enough.. thankfully its a low dose and not an antidepressant. So far so good, of course some anxiety is still there, but it's so much better!  That about sums up October, very BLAH and Drama filled to say the least.

November.. My brother came for Thanksgiving. which was wonderful :) our visit wasn't long enough :(. He deploys again in January for his 3rd deployment over seas.  Work was crazy busy and exhausting...We got a call for a placement.. a new born and a 4 year old.. Yeah... We said yes.. and then it just was NOT going to work.. She was terrified of Rocky.. Sorry they are my babies too... I am not the type of person to shove them outside or leave them in a kennel all day.. Because she's fine when he is in there.. Nope sorry.. ( she had been bit by a dog and his exciting nature scared her to the point of screaming tears and running from him) She was A OK with Wrangler.. cause he's old and gentle.. Rocky is 2 1/2 years old full of puppy. Also.. my anxiety went thru the roof.. like physically ill anxiety.. NO sleep at all that night.. for the fact I don't know how to parent a 4 year old.. Infant.. I can learn with them, 4 yr old's already have some sort of routine and language barriers.. Ugh. Yeah we were a mess. This brought up a host of problems that me and danny are trying to work thru!  The lord said they were not to be our kiddos... Back to square one. Not much else but running errands and all the normal things.. don't think we had but two days at home that month LOL

And then BAM December.. Wait what!?!  Yeah holy moly.. Christmas shopping will be done  Tuesday... and then I need to start baking my goodies.. cause um year i'm gonna loose my mind LOL The month is quickly passing.. We will get our tree Tuesday too lol We just got decorated... I don't know where this year has gone.  Gotta get packages in  the mail.. and I don't think were doing Christmas cards again this year.. But that isn't the end of the world.. Although it seems like it sometimes! We will survive.. If only I could find a company that will print address on the envelopes LOL!

That's all for now! Off to go order furbabies Christmas presents...!

~Nicki

Official.

We are finally licensed foster parents in the State of Colorado! Only took forever!! So excited and nervous.. we will hopefully get a placement after coming back from vacation :) or it could take another few months.. all depends on what situations arise!!

I am quite frankly going bonkers.. Work tomorrow and then we're off and i'm super grouchy.. Aunt Flo is bound to show up any day.. Hows that for vacation!!?!?  UGH. oh well.. such is life.. I just want to go!  Right now.. Its bed for me because i'm so tired.

~Nicki

PS:I have lots to say but no brain function to do so.. an update blog soon I hope!

Umm Hello September??

I had totally planned on blogging more in August.. and then September showed up! Holy cow this year is flying by, it's insane! We go on vacation in 15 days.. Ugh that is one thing that can't come fast enough!!

Our home study should be finalized very soon. I think we have one more meeting with Mick and then when we get back should just be waiting for placement!! Eek!

Other than that the weeks have flown by between keeping the house clean for showings, the garden, and working! I've been flat out tired lately.. work is just boring and my mornings are busy before I go to work!

So right now.. I'm off to bed!  My work schedule lately is all out of whack.

~Nicki

Getting Nervous!

I feel like we arr coming to the end of an adoption process if you will ! We have 2 more home study dates, tomorrow and then the next monday.. Yikes! Our one one interviews are tomorrow.. gah! We literally have almost everything.. like if we were get a placement tomorrow or miraculously get pregnant.. we'd be all set.. except for a bath, medicines, diapers and like butt paste lol!  I have clothes for both girls and boys.. in almost all sizes up too about 2t, I have bath toys, pacifiers, bottles, a boppy, playmat.. everything I could think of!!

There is no doubt in my mind any kiddo that comes into our home will be loved and spoiled as if it were our own.. I most defiantly have some fears.. cause it will be SO sudden that everything will change... I hope we smooth on in with a few bumps to be expected .. I think we will get a placement after we come back from Disney.. money wise I don't think a place ticket that soon before going will be feasible for us money wise :/ But if it comes down to it.. we will make it happen :). I'm just scared that nothing will work out day care wise and everything will fall apart at the seams.. Ugh. gonna have to sit down with hubby and go over everything again.. not to mention have to get our questions prepared before we say yes to any placement!  ( We can ask questions to make us feel good about the placement, type of abuse, siblings, handicaps, allergies etc)

JUST SO NERVOUS!!! I have no one to ask about anything.. everyone thinks the first placement we get will be our forever kiddo.. It doesn't always happen that way! Its a long process..I hope we are prepared for it, Guess i shouldn't say hope.. We ARE prepared for it.. Now If I can stop this shopping spree I'm on ;).. Needless to say.. Um The UPS man probably hates me LOL!

~Nicki

Working on my tan....

So to speak.. Today was weeding day  out in the garden.. Didn't get the front ones done but hey tomorrow is another day.. A lot has happened since my last post.. its been crazy.


We should be done with our training by now.. but um we kinda hit a speed bump. We put our house on the market. Yeah.. Basically we had been toying with the idea forever but nothing was moving.. and all of a sudden.. BAM House market starts moving.. so the ball went rolling! We had several projects to finish and declutter the house... omg I was having panic attacks and stress out the wazoo, So much so that my hair started falling out again :/ Such is life.

 I feel like we do everything backwards.. Now everyone is asking WHY we put it on the market.. Don't get me wrong I LOVE our house.. But its just to small there is no extra space for storage because we don't have a garage.. only the shed. If it comes down to it we will stay here and pay off our 2nd and then refi and put a garage in. It was a now or never kinda thing. So we just did it. If  it sells it sells if it doesn't its just meant we are supposed to be here longer! Plus I got a finished nursery out of it :).
   We put it on the market at the first of June.. and haven't had one single one single person look at it. Kinda disheartening... But I guess time will tell..

We are very close to starting the home study process.. our certification worker wants us certified by the end of next month.. We literally have to initial some packets and get our physicals turned in and then we can start... Honestly i'm scared to death.. I hardly have anything we need, toys, clothes and im sure a bunch of other little things!! Yeah.. ensue more panic there. I know everything will come together its just a matter of time. I'm worried about things like child care and how that will all come together.. me and Danny are hardly ever gonna see each other because of different days off so we can cover child care.. Ugh.. I guess this is normal for parents?

I just have to keep saying to myself.. this is the path that we are meant to go on, when the path changes is only up to the lord :).

Thats whats been up in our neck of the woods.. Crazy.. work and life is a crazy journey.. and we are learning more everyday to say the least! I'm dealing with a super annoying immature co worker lately.. OMG whole 'nother subject there!  To say the least i'm always sure there is more to put in the post but I can't think of any LOL but this should bring you up to speed :)

~Nicki

PS: 35 days till vacation in July and 96 days to  Disney World!

Random things...

I'm bored.. since I got off at 8 I guess I could update this. Feeling a little unmotivated lately to write.. So a little bit of bullets and maybe a few sentences hahah! Oh and it will probably be all over the place!


~Rocky is turning into such a good boy :) I sat on the floor the other night and didn't get mauled! Except for being Licky Mc Lickerson. He must lick everything!

~Wrangler.. is turning into Mr. Old and Senile...! He is starting not to listen anymore and thinks that he can do everything brother can't.. Dork. Sorry buddy equal treatment here hahah!

~The Kitties.. are being the kitties..not much to report on them!

~ We started cleaning crap.. I was just over it! Everything we were keeping got boxed up and put in the closet, if it wasn't it got sold or thrown out! We got rid of the desk... we just didn't use it. It was huge and bulky.. we can get another if we need one.. although it will be smaller LOL!

~Our couches.. we hate them.. No more squishy couches in this house! Looking at a sectional.. this one is already falling apart and springs are coming out! UGH. Not impressed. New couches and a recliner are in our future.

~Officially done with One Main Financial!

~Disney World 2014 is a GO! We are praying that a munchkin gets to go to!! We will not be purchasing a dining plan this time around.. saving for all food purchases :) looks like it will be the way to go because we will have a full kitchen in the room so breakfast will be eaten there! Except maybe one day.. I will have Mickey waffles ;)

~Probably going Monday to get Finger prints and background done :) ! Need to finish our autobiographies too.

~Umm.. I've gone a little crazy.. With buying things LOL.. We have a crib.. $79 bucks.. down from 168.. And its convertible! Convertible car seat.. was 99 bucks.. got it for 40!! (its for the truck) Got our Travel system (stroller and carseat and base) with BRU trade in event! So on sale there too! Crazy! And other things.. clothes.. and a diaper bag :). Trying not to feel guilty about it.. I know I shouldn't.. but its WEIRD.. Like SUPER DUPER WEIRD!

~So ready to get the new shed up.. looks like we may have a few weeks *crossing fingers* of nice weatehr ahead!

So anyways.. can't remember if I mentioned.. the girl who went with us on our first appt with DHS. Did I mention she was crazy?  She was totally going to do this for the money and just show off the kid..I wanted to smack her.. OH.. and she wanted to get preggo at the SAME TIME!!!! Did I mention she's single? I just didn't understand.. like make my brain hurt. She said we should do our baby showers together.. I was like Um NO. I've waited this long to have one of my OWN.. you are not sharing in that! Tons of people are so happy for us and all want to throw me a shower! Everyone is so happy for us, which makes me feel so loved and overjoyed :).
   Yesterday.. she came up to me and said that she is leaving May 1st and is getting married May 9th. Umm.. Ok? Apparently she is getting back together with her ex boyfriend. She told me she was sorry she couldn't do foster to adopt with us.. (SIGH OF RELIEF) but she doesn't know why she would want to parent some other persons kid anyways... <<< EXACT WORDS. Seriously. Wow really? BUT you are going to be a step mom.. Um can we say calling the kettle black? She is just ALL over the place.. and today she is all i'm getting cold feet yadda yadda.. Of course you are because you have no idea what you want!  She says he's going to give his answer on Saturday.. so umm.. you proposed? She doesn't want to 'uproot' her self and move all the way to Alaska, but yet she loves him..  OMG.. its all so crazy.. She is so self centered and selfish.

Me and Danny have tried for so very long and wanted this so much.. We feel so very blessed having this wonderful support system and cannot wait for our journey to end with a munchkin in our home and hearts!

I guess she sounds crazy to me.. because we know what infertility it is.. and what it means to go thru it.. we still are, but we are at a different place now.  I probably sound horrible for saying this.. but she just isn't meant to be a mom.. She offered for be a surrogate.. just so she could help her self with her enodmetriosis. To me.. she just wants to be a mom to say she's a mom.. Me and Danny want to give  a child unconditional love and teach right from wrong and give compassion to other people and many other qualities you teach a human being.

That is all for now.. sorry its kinda long.. guess I had a lot to say :)

~Nicki

Day 6!!

This was the day we did Magic Kingdom ALL day! I kinda wish we would have done a little more.. but I had a goal.. Eat at Be Our Guest, the new restaurant in  New Fantasy land! Which we did.. both Lunch AND Dinner!! We did ride all the rides we wanted to ride :) Should have rode Splash Mountain twice haha!

 Walking in we got to meet Marie! So cute! She wanted to eat my ears ;)

 I don't think this magical view will ever get old.. I love it!

 Still have to relook at the pictures the photo pass people took and the ones they took on our camera! 

 On the Carousel! Always fun!

 This is the entrance to the Be Our Guest Restaurant we got there around 10 ish and were told to get in line for lunch :) We took pictures first! They let us look around a bit inside 

 It looks JUST like the movie.. it was amazing.

 We didn't stray far :) Potty break.. and then Gaston showed up! He was SO in Character.. it was hilarious! 

 Lunch.. was delish!! I want that sandwich again.. It was a hot turkey sandwich on yummy garlic bread .. just thinking of it is mouth watering!

 I gave in to Danny wanting to ride Dumbo.. LOL

 This was after Dinner, he was our 'Host' For dinner there of course!! Came barging out haha! After we ate we could meet The Beast! We literally waited about  1 1/2 hrs.. to see if we could get in because they put out the cancellation list at around 3:45.. Low and behold they got us in!! I was so excited! But kinda bummed we had to just sit.. for fear of someone getting there first! It was worth it, wish we could have put our name on a list! Looking back.. I just wish we would have walked around more :/

 I want this blown up and Framed.. Danny took this... it is my fave.

 This is the best Disney Parade EVER!

One last kiss in the Magic Kingdom! 

We had so much fun and instantly decided we wanted to go back next year!! But then.. this happened.. Obama lama ding dong went and shut down the government because of his stupid health care... SO Danny isn't receiving a pay check at the moment.. he will get 8 days worth on this next check and don't know when the next one will come.. we have delayed our Security loan, car loan and are getting paper for the house.. everything else.. is pretty much on me.. Talk about super stress!! So we will see what happens.. we still want to go.. but Christmas may not happen as of now we wait and see! 

~Nicki 

Days 5

Good lord.. Life right now feels like kinda a whirl wind.. Its going by to fast and at the same time it feels like nothing is happening. Anyways.. Sad news at the end.

Day 5 we went to Epcot! It was defiantly our most relaxing day! We slept in.. the World showcase doesn't open till 11 am.. so we got their around 9ish.. we just walked ;) Once we got there we walked to the front of the park and got our pic in front of the ball and did some of the rides such as Nemo and Friends Under the Seas :) Which used to be called the living seas!

The coolest thing we did in Epcot was in Japan.. I got to pick and oyster and they opened it to reveal a pearl!! It was so cool :) I had it put in a necklace! ( I started writing this a few days ago and got side tracked and now i'm super sleepy!)

This was such a fun ride! Every time i've been since it opened it was always closed due to the weather! First time on it! 

Nemo! The Seagulls made my day lol! They go Mine.. Mine Mine Mine!

 Fun in Mexico ;) It about swallowed me haha

 Gotta meet Donald Duck!

 Across the lake :)

 The oyster I picked was right in the middle laying on top of the other! 

 I was so excited!! I got a 7mm greenish/blue pearl :)!!

 I must have been super hot cause my face is all red! No one knew who she was!! Princess Aurora of course!

This was the Coral Reef restaurant I had the best lobster pasta ever! We actually missed our reservations for this one..I was so upset cause I figured we wouldn't have gotten in.. But the lady was so nice.. we had to wait a bit but it was so worth it! We were supposed to be there at 4:20, Danny never rechecked so we thought it was 6:20.. but it worked out! 

The fireworks were an awesome show! We talked with this older couple until the started as people tried to push their way into our spots!! After dinner we found a spot on the bridge over between the UK and France :) Great spot!!  After that we walked over and did Soarin' and went back to the hotel.. We were pooped LOL! Didn't think we could walk anymore, but still had one more day!!

Since there alot of pictures in this post.. I'll make the last one and post later :)

Day 3 and 4!

Sorry a little while between posts! Gotta love that thing we call work!

So on Day 2 we went to 3 Different parks! It was a very busy day and we walked about 15 miles that day! Crazy!

We started off at Animal Kingdom in the morning.. I chose to wear sandals this day because it was going to be our shortest morning with a break in the afternoon before Micky's Not So Scary Halloween Party! Bad Idea.... lol we walked fast to the safari.. bad idea. But it still turned out pretty good :)

The safari was awesome! Since it was early enough alot of the animals were out!!

 In Front of the Tree of Life!

 Tree Of Life!

 Hippos!

 Giraffe! They had 3 new babies, since it was early we got a few close ups!! (Dannys phone in the picture haha)

The White Rhinos, which are new.. strolled right on by the truck!! 

The animal kingdom looked a lot different from what I remembered it. But I guess thats a good thing! It was so nice this time of year, hardly any waits.. not super crowded! Wonderful! I think the longest wait time was like an hour, but we got a fast pass for it and went and rode Expedition Everest, which wasn't as scary as the last time I rode it hahah we were at the very end! We had lots of fun! Dinosaur was a very rough ride lol being jammed back and fourth and it smelled lol!

After walking around and taking pictures and doing some rides we headed back to the room around 2:30-3 and then walked over to Epcot for dinner at Bergarten.. I probably totally spelled that wrong lol! It was in Germany, it was ok not the best food i've ever eaten.. minus the potato salad!! Yum. After that. We walked back to the hotel and got ready for the Halloween Party!! 

It was so much fun I hope we get to do it again sometime!! 

 I wore the buns for like.. an hour and had to take them off.. LOL Sweat central.. and Danny wanted me to wear a wig!?

 That sight will never get old <3 p="">

 I wore my crocs instead of tennis shoes.. because they felt better than my sandals or tennis.. LOL

 I traded the buns for the Ears ;)

 The music from the parade has been stuck in my head lol

 I have  a TON Of pictures but of course don't wanna overload you ;)

 Kids at heart!

The rarity of the evening! All Seven Dwarfs!  This was one of the things I knew we had to do LOL besides the parade, trick or treating and fireworks!  So we hopped in line and got our picture with them! The Fireworks were awesome! We got stuck in behind the castle in New Fantasyland, which actually turned out pretty cool we were in the middle of them! It was a lot of fun! 

We went back to the room and crashed.. we got to sleep in a little bit since there wasn't much to do at epcot as far as rides and the World Showcase didn't open until 11. So we did a few rides and lunch before walking into the World Showcase :)

More on Epcot next time!

Can we go back yet?? Days 1 and 2 :)

We got home on Saturday night.. we had a very good trip! The flight down was so uneventful it was awesome! Other than being tired and having shitty side effects from my medicine all was good.. I had to stop taking my medicine.. because 2 days before we left I got 4 hours total of sleep in 2 days.. Yeah I wasn't a nice person LOL. So insomnia was one side effect.. then I felt like I couldn't breath or catch my breath on the plane..omg the worst.

 When we got there.. we got to our room and had about 35-40 min before my sister and her family came down to meet us for dinner!! So I took a quick shower and then we headed down to the board walk :) Oh it was beautiful!!  Loved our hotel!

 Me, Angie, Lee, Connor and Madison

 Danny, Me, Angie, Connor and Madison

The View from our room! If you look straight ahead you can see the Epcot ball!

We were about a 10 min walk from the backside of Epcot and a 15-20 min walk to Hollywood Studios :)

Dinner was fabulous! My niece and nephew are the cutest things ever. They warmed up to us fast which made me happy! We had dinner and then walked all the way around the boardwalk which was nice! We will get to see them again in March because they are coming out here! That's exciting :). That night we went to Downtown Disney.. It was super busy there because everyone can go there! I had Ghiradehli Ice cream... Yum. We didn't even attempt the Lego store.. because another symptom was anxiety.. which I was having a bunch of.. and shortness of breath.. so we called it a night around 10 ish and caught a bus back to the resort and hoped down to the pool for a quick swim!  After that we called it a night :)

The next morning we headed to Hollywood studios! I'm not a huge fan of this park.. Only for Indian Jones and Star Wars lol and the shows most of the rides are outdated. But it still nice to walk around :). We had dinner at Mama Melrose.. OMG it was to DIE for! Best steak ever.. 

 At our resort that morning before heading over!

 At the entrance :)

 The hat!

 We got to meet Mike and Sully from Monsters U (Sully even hat the retainer LOL)

And Fantasia Mickey :) !!

We were pretty dead by the end of this day.. You walk alot.. LOL Danny spent a ton of money in the Star Wars store hahah. I did make a little R2D2 guy :) he was cute! Danny made his own light saber and a Yoda R2D2!  This was the night I decided to stop taking my medicine cause.. the side effects were not treating me well. The Fantasmic show was pretty sweet :) We were going to ride Tower of Terror.. because I never have.. but then Danny wasn't feeling well so we skipped it.. Maybe next year! 

That's all for now!! Don't want to make this post so huge its too long to read :) I'll do Animal Kingdom and Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party  next time!! And I'll eventually just do and all pictures post!

~Nicki 

PS: My baby dog gets neutered tomorrow :( Poor Rocky!! 

3 days!!!

We have 3 days until vacation and 4 days till Disney!! Cannot wait! So I better update this thing while I have some form of a blog post in my head, and before we leave because I will not have time!!


This past weekend was a good one :) We went shopping! I was excited LOL haven't gone shopping for anything fun in a while! We have scrimped and saved to be able to go for having just decided to go right after the new year. I think? We are taking just about 1000 dollars with us :) of course some of that is for extras such as food at airport and baggage fees and all that good stuff.  Being the shoppy person that I am hahah I'm afraid we don't have enough! But I just have to think to myself.. we only have so much room and we plan on going back next year as a whole family thing :D !

I don't remember if I mentioned that I finally got my hutches from mom and dad.. Love them and they  are all put together :) Now I just need a curio cabinet for my other wall in the living room.. the blank space is kinda annoying me. I need to get my spare room cleaned up so I can get to my sewing machine and make my pillows and fix the stuff that is piling up LOL That will be my mission when we get back!

Rocky and Wrangler will be up at my parents for the week.. I'm so scared Rocky will destroy something! Or be a pain because he is so stubborn and sometimes doesn't listen! But they will have his kennel and a huge yard and Bailey LOL ! They are gonna try and go for walks..Rocky is awesome on a leash but if he sees something he will pull your arm off unless you make him sit or yank to correct him. But i'm sure he will be fine.. getting way to many treats from Grandma and Grandpa lol.

I'm also worried about being delayed at the airport like last time :/ we spent 10 hours in Dallas it was not fun.. it ruined our whole week there because we wanted to go to Downtown Disney.. We're hoping this time we get to! If we have delays I want them on the way back!! Plus this time we are flying out of Houston and with a different airline lol.. Please pray for safe travel and no delays!! Oh lord please!! That is all we ask for!!

It should be pretty slow and relaxing at Disney because this is one of the lowest tourist times :) I wonder if it will be like having the park to ourself? LOL Probably not but might not be as busy as when we went on our Honeymoon!  Since we are going to the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party.. we're Dressing up... I'm going to be Leia and Danny is gonna be a Jedi LOL, Honestly I hate dressing up but since its for Disney ;)

Went to the Dr yesterday.. because of my allergies being all lovely.. I decided to make sure I didn't have a sinus infection .. (been super clogged and pressure) She wasn't sure if it was or wasn't a sinus infection.. so I got anitbiotics anyways to be better safe than sorry and  a prescription for Singulair!  Even tho I bought Allegra D.. we will give it a go and see how I do! So far I've taken one tablet and I feel pretty good :) Had a mild sore throat this morning, but that can be the antibiotic or sigulair oh goody LOL.

And of course Danny is sick with a summer cold or something. Ugh.. Not cool!!

Well I think thats it for now!! Till I'm back from DisneyWorld!!

~Nicki

Squeee!!!

Exactly ONE MONTH From today I will be on a plane to Disney World!! So excited to go again! Its been way to long... AND I get to see my Sister, BIL and Niece and Nephew ... I've never met my Nephew.. and haven't seen my niece sine she was 9 months.. she will be 6 Sept 25 AHHH!!


Life is Crazy.

PS: Danny Sprained his ankle pretty good.. and have I ever mentioned .. he is STUBBORN.

PPS: I have to work at 9 am tomorrow.. ew.. SO I need to go to bed.. which is ok because i'm tired.

Goodnight!

~Nicki

Super Duper Lazy.

Oops I slept till almost 10 today!! I woke up at 8 intended to sleep for just a few more min.. guess I was tired!!

So... lately I've been dwelling on whether or not to do another IVF or embryo adoption.. Part of me says just go 100% for embryo adoption.. its easier on my body vs. another IVF. Embryo adoption we get all their left over embryos, IVF unless my eggs cooperate we get nothing after wards.. Sooo.. yeah my whole thing i'm stuck on is.. a Biological child.. Granted I could love any child like its my own.. But the fact that I may have to explain to a child one day.. I carried you but you aren't really mine? I probably could in the future.. but the thought of it right now scares the daylights out of me.. I guess if I wasn't scared tho i'd be weird ;)

Not to mention after I get another lap.. Danny says we should do it when we get back from Disney. Not against it but..its in the middle of the Holiday season.. and we now have a new leave process at work. Ew. It does not sound like fun.. so i'll have to get information on that! We will do a few IUIs and maybe a miracle will occur??

I started supplements again this time a few different ones. Started Vitamin E, Evening Primrose oil and a vitamin for my hair and such! I will add Red Clove and Red Raspberry Leaf  ( when I find them!) and then CoQ-10 again! And gotta get Danny his again too.

I need to get cleaning the spare room today.. I'm itching to sew my pillows for my couch!! Plus have a bunch of other stuff I need to attempt! Carpet in living room and dining room gets replaced on Wednesday and then next weekend I can go get my China Hutch from my moms!

When Danny gets home were going to go to Wally in Pueblo West and see if they have the blender I want and the pot Danny broke that I JUST bought and it was our last one. Sad day...

On a random note.. me and Danny just had our 6 year anniversary.. Um.. Wow. Really!? Crazy to think how long we have been together!  We have made quite the life here in our little house :) 2 lazy dogs and  3 even lazier kitties.. ( I want another kitten.. yeah I know i'm crazy.. call it my mothering instinct). << Danny doesn't know that yet LOL!

Well seeing as how its 12:40 I guess I should get cracking and do something besides eat breakfast and do the dishes and play Farmville 2.  Its just a lazy day.. Maybe I'll go check the garden to see if there is any yummy ready to eat!

~Nicki

So Lost.

I hate not knowing where everything is going.. how its going to turn out.. where to go next. Just lost and confused.. I want to move on SO bad.. but we have to get things done in order to move on.

~We need a garage. Period. Dot. End of story.

~Painting. ( yeah i'm the person who paints after new carpet is installed haha)

~Finish the Kitchen ( this is the only major thing left)

~Railing on the porch and finish back patio

~ Now apparently we need to get base boards.. because of the new carpet...Which by the way has a hole in it!! How awesome is THAT!?

~Get everything organized and put back.. which cannot happen until the carpet in living room with hole is replaced. Hopefully in the next couple weeks.

~A ton of little crap..

~Vacation.. is it September yet?

~After vacation.. see about getting equity out of our house for SOMETHING. Either more IUIs, IVF or Embryo Adoption.

~I want another lap done.. like today. It is eating at me to know if this is truly my problem.

I have so much more I want to say  but its a giant jumble in my head and I never have enough time to write it! We've been busy and when we are ... I'm not on the computer. I need to post some pictures of whats been going on.. I feel like I love my house again with everything that has been going on and getting done.

Now I just need a vacation. Pronto.

~Nicki

Sometimes its nice...

To have a walk in a park.. That's what I'm comparing this cycle too.. Was definitely low key, because  unless you were Danny, the Doctors Office, and my Mother in law ( danny let it slip, but thats ok she doesn't pester!) you didn't know.. yeah I didn't tell ANYONE.. I wanted to, but it was for the better as much as I love my family and friends.. they pester and keep asking questions, which is just added stress. The cycle went so smooth and stress free.. for the most part.. Been a bumpy month money wise of course but when is it not? Next thing I knew I was triggering and then going in this morning at 930 am for the IUI.

 Thats where we hit the glitch.. lol, Danny went and gave his sample at 730am, then we went for breakfast and grabbed a couple of things and went back. So we wait... and wait.. oh its gonna be about 30 more min.. insert panic. So we just sit there.. 10 rolls around.. Jodi comes out and tells me everything will be fine, there is a 4 hr window.. so I was like ok and felt a little better!  We didn't go back till almost 1030 and then about 10 min later we had the IUI. It went smooth, we talked with Jodi for a few min and then laid there for another 15. I gave my Follistim back I have 2 300 vials from our IVF, frankly I don't think it worked well for me unless I have Menopur to go with it.. and I don't like it cause it burns!! So I got Crinone in return ;) since all mine expired in March UGH!  So thankful I love that office :)

Anyways.. Now onto the 2ww.. feeling a little crampy this time around.. we had 18.8 million swimmers by the way :).  Always on the way home I feel nauseous its weird. not sure how the wait is gonna go.. hopefully fast. We're both praying hard that this works, like for real.. I wanna be buying baby furniture and doing a nursery after we come back from Disney.. like for real I don't care if I'm preggo at Disney. You can still have fun!  We seriously.. just want one baby now.. the road we have traveled has not been easy and all we could ever ask for now is just one baby to give our unconditional love, if another one came after that.. it would be just as much a blessing.

It was nice to have a day off kinda straightened up the house and catching up on shows and whatnot. Not much else has been going on around here besides getting the garden planted, and working on the patio in back and planting some flowers up front. Just chugging along, its getting hotter and the days are getting longer.. we have our first wildfire of the season.. stupid wind and dry weather! Hoping they get it contained soon, its not near here but it still affects us and our air quality yuck.

Think thats about it.. Monday our only day off together is going to be super busy.. Yikes. Hopefully productive busy.

~Nicki

Busy Busy.

That is what we are going to be this summer. In ordered to even let a social worker in my home for a home study.. I need to have my home presentable LOL. It is far from that in my mind.

So.. we have a huge list of a bunch of little things to get done before we move ahead! But we will get there eventually!!

-Finish the master bathroom, it needs ceiling paint. baseboards, and to spackle the wall the old cabinet came out of and trim around the new one.

- Finish the spare bathroom, it needs paint, new trim around tub, floor, new towel rods etc, and secure the new vanity.. oh and put the toilet back on LOL and get new color scheme in towels, shower curtain etc.

- Paint the door trims, I think this will be our first project as we have everything.. but the weather needs to be nice to have the windows open!!

- Paint the Kitchen cabinets, need paint and hinges as we already have the door and drawer pulls. This will be sooo time consuming but I hope and pray it will look awesome in the end!

- Redo the front porch.. some of the board are rotting.. so this will be a slow one. we will get a few boards at a time and go from there.

- Make a back patio.. my mom has a stone template that we will pour self leveling concrete in them to make it flat so my patio furniture will sit flat :) a few bags at a time.. it will get done!

-Make grass grow.. LOL

- Make a raised flower bed in front of the new porch.

- Fix/ or get new trim around the windows and around the base of the house. Its starting to show its age.

- Get new carpet. Hoping we get just a bit of extra on our loan *praying hard we get what we need* to get this done.

-We are also looking it to getting a 'garage' to store dannys tools and an area of storage for me because if we're going to stay here.. we're going to need it!

I think thats about it.. of course still trying to save for Disney.. its been a rough few months money wise.. Hoping thats over! On word! We will get there, slow but sure!!

~Nicki

Rough times...

Just wanted to let you all know who ever reads this :) I'm still here.. Most of Feb and March have been rough. This whole baby thing has gotten me really depressed and angry.. as well as my weight.. I'm stuck and cannot get out of the mud.

My mom gave me  a week worth of Nutrisystem Sucess.. So we will see how that goes and I might order a month worth myself.. So far the food actually isn't bad! The Chocolate Chocolate chip muffin I had for breakfast was pretty darn tasty. I had my first egg since November (when I was stimming) and cross your fingers so far so good.

Its been pretty hectic around here.. redoing another bath, trying to keep my house..from um falling to shambles.. right now it looks like dog hair, paper and clothes explosion. Don't judge. Depression makes you not wanna do squat.

Got outta the house yesterday and drove to Nebraska LOL went to Cabelas and spent money.. that we actually had it was pretty awesome LOL. We went with Mike and April :) Pretty good day.

We went from no money 8 days ago for Disney to almost 200!  Pretty sweet :) also got our tickets and meal plan yay!

I cannot wait for the warmer weather so I can start sprucing up my yard and flowerbeds. Its supposed to be 77 on Friday..

I have way more to say but am out of time! Hope to update SOON when I find some motivation and time!

~Nicki

Haha

So I don't know if I wrote about this on here.. but my mom gave us an awesome coffee pot a long time ago.. it has a grinder in it.. Made by Mr. Coffee! They don't make them anymore.. we thought it was dead.. cause the brew button.. well any button worked.. but the time always did.. So we figured it just pooped out.. well before I threw it out oh 5 months ago? I plugged it in.. and low and behold it worked! So we didn't get a new one.. Well guess what its doing it again..So.. I don't know if its a simple thing like last time.. as put the lid down or its just done.. LOL Good thing we have a tiny one, but it leaks coffee grounds all over the place cause we don't have the right filters hahah .. It did this the last time I wanted my morning coffee.. which I don't have everyday!  So.. I'll will try cleaning it and making sure the lid is CLOSED. I swear.

Plumbing problems.. still there.. the water that comes up smells HORRIBLE I Spent a few time scooping it out.. hoping it was just standing water..nope what ever it's backing up on to is making it smell.. When you get to plunging either the tub or toilet it leaks out the bottom of the toilet.. UGH. I do NOT need to replace another floor! Its weird cause we replaced the wax ring about a year after we moved in.. I can't see why it would have gone bad so fast! But we have a plan.. (Can you tell we REALLY don't wanna call a plumber??) we are gonna replace the ring on the toilet.. again.. and while its off danny is gonna run the snake.. and or we will pour this gel cleaner down the hole lol. I still think danny is gonna have to try to get under the house haha.

I worked out yesterday.. and Jillian kicked my ass.. I did kind of an improvised workout today.. since I woke up late. Mostly to stretch out. Plus its getting to be busy season at work where I move and lift a ton! Still gotta step it up tho! Had a Banana for breakfast, 1/2 cup mini wheat crunch (which is super tasty) and my cup of coffee! Only 5 pts for breakfast :). I've been bad about taking my medicine! The weekend always throws me off.. My metformin is in my work bag because I take it after dinner. Whoops.

Gotta work at one all this week I think. I can't remember lol. But excited to work. because we will be setting the new mods soon!! So exciting! Means spring and summer are coming around the corner!


Ugh.. SO I added a Disney Ticker.. and then me and Danny after our 4 hour grocery shopping trip.. ! Thought.. what happens if we get pregnant.. I can't go.. I said.. if we got preggo this month or next.. it would be cutting it close.. then I was thinking.. should I do more IUIs? I really don't want to have to go thru the intermittent leave paperwork again.. it ends in June. I hate all the hypothetical questions you have to ask.. SO frustrating! I think i'm gonna stick to my plan.. if by some chance we get preggo this month or next We will have to try to change the dates.. cause we've already got our flight tickets. Part of me doesn't care if I'm preggo at Disney.. I'll be buying baby stuff GALORE. Then another part it sad. Cause I can't ride the rides.. But honestly I'll be SO ecstatic that we finally have our baby on the way. But me being Miss pessimist.. says it won't even happen. Big Sigh... I'm still thinking IUIs for April, May and June depending on where my cycles fall.

2 trees and a BFN

So.. we officially have had 2 trees this year. The first one I don't know what happened.. but it was crisp as a potato chip when Danny took it out. We watered it, cut off the bottom and it still died!  So Danny being the loving husband that he is.. went out the other day and got a new tree.. LOL its not the best but its alive :)

We started with this.

Beautiful Right?

We ended with this.

See how all the branches are flat?? And its really not.. well green??

Now we have this :)

Green and Happy even tho it looks like its missing a branch at the top LOL

So.. like the title says.. our First IVF failed..Me and Danny are pretty devestated.. but are trying to move on.. Just like my nurse Jodi said  we will have ups and downs. It sucks its was right before Christmas.. and Yesterday.. It did feel like the end of the world. I am  now thinking of all the possible testing and things we can do to move on as quickly as possible. Not cycle wise but life wise. It will be a long time before we cycle again. We will need 18,000 dollars to cycle again. Due to the added need for ICIS. One thing that is still getting to me.. which I will ask Dr. Murray, is why did we have that one Chemical with our first IUI.. is a natural pregnancy possible, Or with IUI??  I will schedule our WTF appt after Christmas.

   I do want to get tested for my Thyroid  maybe any other autoimmune issues.. because I feel that something is totally wrong other than having DOR. Maybe I do have PCOS.. I want to know.. I have been diagnosed, undiagnosed   and partially diagnosed.. Really annoying. I'm one of those people.. Unexplained is NOT an option for me!!! I have symptoms of lots of things.. even if I have to go to my regular Dr.. Who is pretty awesome too.. I will. 

   I do have in the back of my mind that we get healthy and if something is wrong and can be corrected with meds that we *might* conceive naturally.. which would be the best thing ever.. Or maybe even try a couple more IUIs. I will NOT be telling anyone we are trying again.. It was just way overwhelming.. I do appreciate all the prayers and thoughts.. but It was just too much with everyone asking.. and then they can say or do the wrong things.. Which.. well just makes it WORSE. Me and Danny will go at our own pace and keep to ourselves.

   I also want me and Danny to get healthy.. I want to try not to eat out as often and when we do eat better, because there are those weeks you just run and run, then you are never home for a meal. I want to try the stab at meal planning again LOL.  Trying new things.. maybe even doing partial gluten free? I need to read up on this and see what is and what isn't gluten free. Because I know for infertiles it can be good. I haven't lost anymore weight.. well because its the holidays and the goodies only come once a year ;)! I'm happy with that. I think my motivation finally showed up to get healthier and loose weight, specially my stomach.. I hate it.. So I see a lot of sit ups in my future!  

   I really Lucked out with my husband.. He is the best ever.. Does everything he can for me to make me happy.. even tho sometimes I don't deserve it.. Like getting 2 Christmas trees? Who does that?  He said he will do anything to make me happy and whatever we can to save and try again. I really do love him.. I couldn't find another man in the world like this. He is truly a gem. Danny did get spoiled this Christmas.. and with the giant Disney Store box that came in the mail a few weeks ago... So did I ;) 

Danny did say one thing.. We might go to Disney depending on Taxes.*Maybe* in July, Aug, Sept! I am totally NOT opposed to this :) I miss it.. and we need to get away just the 2 of us.. Maybe even see my sister and Niece and Nephew. So I will gladly save and look forward to that. As well as saving for future treatments :)

Disney World 2013?? Sure!! Why not!?

~Nicki

PS: Having the worst period ever.. OMG.. I took 2 Tylenol 3 with codeine last night and woke up feeling like a million bucks.. haven't had a sleep like that in a long time. It was lovely.   

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!