Super Duper Lazy.

Oops I slept till almost 10 today!! I woke up at 8 intended to sleep for just a few more min.. guess I was tired!!

So... lately I've been dwelling on whether or not to do another IVF or embryo adoption.. Part of me says just go 100% for embryo adoption.. its easier on my body vs. another IVF. Embryo adoption we get all their left over embryos, IVF unless my eggs cooperate we get nothing after wards.. Sooo.. yeah my whole thing i'm stuck on is.. a Biological child.. Granted I could love any child like its my own.. But the fact that I may have to explain to a child one day.. I carried you but you aren't really mine? I probably could in the future.. but the thought of it right now scares the daylights out of me.. I guess if I wasn't scared tho i'd be weird ;)

Not to mention after I get another lap.. Danny says we should do it when we get back from Disney. Not against it but..its in the middle of the Holiday season.. and we now have a new leave process at work. Ew. It does not sound like fun.. so i'll have to get information on that! We will do a few IUIs and maybe a miracle will occur??

I started supplements again this time a few different ones. Started Vitamin E, Evening Primrose oil and a vitamin for my hair and such! I will add Red Clove and Red Raspberry Leaf  ( when I find them!) and then CoQ-10 again! And gotta get Danny his again too.

I need to get cleaning the spare room today.. I'm itching to sew my pillows for my couch!! Plus have a bunch of other stuff I need to attempt! Carpet in living room and dining room gets replaced on Wednesday and then next weekend I can go get my China Hutch from my moms!

When Danny gets home were going to go to Wally in Pueblo West and see if they have the blender I want and the pot Danny broke that I JUST bought and it was our last one. Sad day...

On a random note.. me and Danny just had our 6 year anniversary.. Um.. Wow. Really!? Crazy to think how long we have been together!  We have made quite the life here in our little house :) 2 lazy dogs and  3 even lazier kitties.. ( I want another kitten.. yeah I know i'm crazy.. call it my mothering instinct). << Danny doesn't know that yet LOL!

Well seeing as how its 12:40 I guess I should get cracking and do something besides eat breakfast and do the dishes and play Farmville 2.  Its just a lazy day.. Maybe I'll go check the garden to see if there is any yummy ready to eat!

~Nicki

So Lost.

I hate not knowing where everything is going.. how its going to turn out.. where to go next. Just lost and confused.. I want to move on SO bad.. but we have to get things done in order to move on.

~We need a garage. Period. Dot. End of story.

~Painting. ( yeah i'm the person who paints after new carpet is installed haha)

~Finish the Kitchen ( this is the only major thing left)

~Railing on the porch and finish back patio

~ Now apparently we need to get base boards.. because of the new carpet...Which by the way has a hole in it!! How awesome is THAT!?

~Get everything organized and put back.. which cannot happen until the carpet in living room with hole is replaced. Hopefully in the next couple weeks.

~A ton of little crap..

~Vacation.. is it September yet?

~After vacation.. see about getting equity out of our house for SOMETHING. Either more IUIs, IVF or Embryo Adoption.

~I want another lap done.. like today. It is eating at me to know if this is truly my problem.

I have so much more I want to say  but its a giant jumble in my head and I never have enough time to write it! We've been busy and when we are ... I'm not on the computer. I need to post some pictures of whats been going on.. I feel like I love my house again with everything that has been going on and getting done.

Now I just need a vacation. Pronto.

~Nicki

Used to it...

But.. its still always hurts. IUI was a bust.. of course. I don't even know why I thought it would work. I'm pretty sure my eggs are total crap.. but there is no way of knowing.. because they can't take an egg and hold it to a light or something weird like that.. I wish there was.

So anyways.. me and Danny have been super busy getting things done around the house.. we ordered our carpet.. it was more expensive than we expected, but the carpet we're getting has a 25 yr warranty and some other good stuff including stain padding and all that good stuff... plus we got our new deck out front.. like holy crap.. we actually did something we said we were gonna do. And we have to do it.. because if we don't the wood won't be any good.  My parents came down yesterday to help make sure everything was level etc... THANK GOD they did.. or we would have royally fucked it up to put it lightly. We are halfway done.. just the rest of the top boards to put on and then to figure out railing.

I don't even know how to thank my parents for all they have done for us..

~ Bought and help put up our 6ft privacy fence.
~Bought and put in my new kitchen floor.
~Bought and put in a new side door.
~Helped put in our master bath floor and new pluming and bought supplies we didn't have enough of.
~Paid for my car to get fixed ( I paid back half)
~Put in subfloor and backer board in the spare bathroom
~Help fix the swamp on and occasion
~Help fix the seal around our NEW skylights.
~Help put up our new porch and bought stuff we didn't have enough of ( we will pay them back for this)

And the next thing i'm sure is helping with my cabinets and bracing my long set to sit straight and painting them...

I love them so much and cannot thank them enough... I wish I  knew of something to repay them but cannot think of anything...The only thing I can remember ASKING for help with.. was my car.. the rest they have just volunteered for and given their time... its so nice to get to learn all these skills.. my dad is awesome at everything.. I'm trying to train Danny to be awesome too ;) he just doesn't see this LOL.

So..on the fertility front.. I just don't even want to talk about it.. I think I want another lap done.. that way if we ever do embryo donation.. it won't hinder anything and hopefully give me a better chance.. so timing would have to be just right 6-9 months after is supposedly the best time after a lap for success.  Haven't talked to the Dr about this yet.. but I will. Right now I want to just mourn that I won't be having bio kids right now. Unless we have a miracle.. We will of course be doing this the 'old fashioned' way until we figure out whats going on.  I'm just so lost, confused, hurt and mad.

PS: I have another month of Nutrisystem on the way anyday I'm pretty excited.
PPS:  Our house payment went down.. so now we are saving 110 bucks a month!
~Nicki

Why is it...

That EVERY TIME I find a dryer sheet that I like.. they discontinue them!!?!?! Like seriously. all. the. time. The bounce was the one I used the longest I think.. with the little green dots.. This one.. I've only bought 2 boxes of 70 cts... of the Snuggle Blue Iris and Bamboo Silk. I only do laundry once a week with an average of 3 loads, Maybe 4 if I was dog towels and linens.. so seriously they last me FOREVER. Ugh.. Walmart where I usually get them.. didn't have them.. nor did City Market.. it says Safeway and Walmart carry them according to their website.. So I will check Safeway next!  If not.. Amazon has them 7.00 a BOX.. Oi Vey.

Anyways.. Not much going on here.. just plugging away the best we can. Work and more work. Then attempt to do stuff on our one day together. Its a little rough only seeing each other for one whole day.. but we make due!

I can't really think of much to say.. haven't really done much.. We are feeling really confidant in our decision to do Embryo Adoption.. it feels pretty awesome.. just wish we could get the ball rolling like.. RIGHT NOW.. But I must be patient ;)!

~Nicki

*insert wrench in plan*

Yeah so.. A wrench so to speak got thrown into 'we totally are going for adoption' plan! While I was reading thru my  Nov/ Dec IVF group on my fourm I visit ( yes we still keep in touch!) One of the ladies mentioned.. Embryo Adoption.. I knew about it.. but I never considered it.. The light bulb clicked.. Its less financially, and I get to experience everything about pregnancy! I should tell Danny about this...

Instantly I knew I hit a brick wall.. Danny was not for it AT ALL.. I told him.. its still adoption.. we just get to experience what we have always wanted. He said he couldn't watch me carry someone else's child, fear of resentment etc. But when you think about it, the same process only I carry the baby. We won't have to go wherever to get the child.. wait a week in a hotel to maybe take home a baby. We will set up a nursery, buy everything, have everything ready, listen to  heartbeat, hit milestones, go to the hospital, deliver a baby, and bring the baby home.. at the end of 9 months. Then it clicked with Danny, he wants it.. I want it.. I told him I wouldn't do it just so he can make me happy , he had to want it too.

It is almost 20 grand cheaper than Domestic adoption, and you get more than one try. Because you can adopt all the couple left over embryos from their IVF.  They would not be parenting the child , they are only genetically related to our child. Me and Danny are O.K With sending updates and pictures of our child to the Bio parents but that is probably as far as it would go.. Not 100% sure we could have another 'family' per say.. we would probably really have to jive with a couple for that to happen. But I think we will tell our children as they got older, the wonderful gift and selfless act their bio parents have done for us and will be forever thankful and grateful.

That is where we are headed.. we still need a home study done and we still need to fix the house.. but not having so much expense is awesome and we can a loan we need to get done what we need done.. the 3 major things, Garage, Porch and Carpet!  I know for sure we can make that happen with Embryo Adoption.

As far as the house goes right now.. Painting and more painting!  We have done 3 doors and 3 door frames, and started painting the spare bathroom!  the door frames are quick but a pain. It takes 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint to cover up that ugly brown! Primer.. woo need nice weather to have windows open for that stuff!! But it shouldn't take long to get it all done!


I cleaned up my porch today and got rid of all the junk off of it!  I have a ton of pots. I wish the porch was done so I could do my flower bed.

Thats about it in our neck of the woods.. except the stupid crazy Colorado weather... It seriously needs to be Spring! Over the cold.. and so are my allergies.

~Nicki