Just when you think...

Life is going smooth.. a wrench or two..or three..or four get thrown in for good measure! So let's see.. where are we umm April? The 3rd of February our house went under contract.. I went into a complete panic! We didn't have a house and we were both feeling conflicted about actually moving now and thought about taking the house off the market.. we apparently the lord had other plans! We accepted.. and got to looking.. looked at what seemed like every house. The house we chose isn't exactly the perfect house.. smaller really than what we had.. but omg the yard, and a garage.. and a DRIVEWAY! Yeah.. it needs some work.. but what doesn't? It had only been on the market 4 days.. I knew it wouldn't last.. the first house that we had originally thought of that was still available.. i'm glad we didn't pick it even for the size.. its just not where we wanted it! We decided to just go for it! Then the wait.. and packing began.. our house passed inspection and the new house did too.. The guy we dealt with who bought our home was really nice and let us stay a few extra days after they closed. I was really upset.. and at that point had really mixed feelings about the new house and moving..

That was wrench number one so to speak... here's wrench number two.. On February 9th... we got a call from Mick.. our certification worker wanting to know if we wanted to take the placement of a 4 1/2 month old little girl.. Uhhh....Well we gotta talk about this LOL I was floating either way.. it was danny having the issues committing.  Moving, baby yah know its a lot!? Well we talked about it and said what the hell. My schedule at work changed to where we could accommodate child care with Danny's mom. We were thinking of course that the good lord won't give us more than we can handle.. So little Miss S Came into the picture.. and she is such a good baby :) But i'm not gonna lie.. we thought.. what were we thinking.. We can't do this.. we're not meant to be parents.. we have no time to do anything.. you name it we probably thought it. Arguments galore.. stress... wanting to be at work.. and not at home.. Yeah.. it was rough.. Being a foster parent... and a first time parent are ummm lets say not a good combo!! We are finally getting into a routine.. Miss S is now 7 1/2 months old.. with 5 teeth and almost crawling!  She can be very demanding.. but we are learning to roll with the punches :)

So.. here's wrench number 4. February 24th...  I was only 4 days late for my period which isn't unusual.. was only on Cycle day 34.. but not having any symptoms of my period coming.. at all not one. So I finally broke down and had Danny go get me a test while I was at work and I would take it that night or in the morning.. It's one of those days I won't forget.. I didn't tell Danny I was taking it, it was like 8 at night, didn't think anything of it.. I literally about passed out when clear as day two lines appeared no faint.. two dark lines.. I walked out and handed it to  Danny and said I think i'm going to die. So lets move, have a foster baby and have  a baby!?  Yeah.. on the verge of loosing my mind after that one. I called my RE but since it was natural they wouldn't do a beta.. I'd have to get a normal OB.. So I called April the only person I could think of and let the cat out of the bag and asked for her OB number.. So began beta hell.. my first number sounded promising.. at 178.. then the worst vacation ever started. Lets just say.. I got a sinus infection that wouldn't quit and little Miss got sick too.. we were all at our wits end.. My symptoms started fading.. I just wanted to know if there was really a baby in there.. Waiting for my 2nd set of numbers to come in.. which they apparently send off to another state!? Due to the weather it was delayed 3 DAYS. I missed my RE where I would have numbers that afternoon or the next morning. My Numbers hadn't even doubled.. they went up to 280 something? So that Sunday since I wasn't feeling better and about to go back to work, we went to the ER.. Where they did a beta and had results in less than 40 min... and they did an ultrasound.. Where I'm pretty sure it was just an empty sack. My beta had gone down so I knew the miscarriage was on the way.. it took about a week for my body to realize that it wasn't pregnant anymore..

We moved March 16th.. and are still getting settled.. we have a new kitchen already almost finished anyways just need toe kicks and countertops.. A lot has happened since we got Sofia.. its all too much to write about.. maybe one day i'll get caught up. Lots of ups and downs but we're making it work and getting better. But i'm tired and need to go to bed taking care of a busy girl and a new house and working full time is a lot of work!

If your still out there We're alive and kicking in the blogosphere :). Maybe an update on little Miss S Soon when I get some more free time!

~Nicki

Working on my tan....

So to speak.. Today was weeding day  out in the garden.. Didn't get the front ones done but hey tomorrow is another day.. A lot has happened since my last post.. its been crazy.


We should be done with our training by now.. but um we kinda hit a speed bump. We put our house on the market. Yeah.. Basically we had been toying with the idea forever but nothing was moving.. and all of a sudden.. BAM House market starts moving.. so the ball went rolling! We had several projects to finish and declutter the house... omg I was having panic attacks and stress out the wazoo, So much so that my hair started falling out again :/ Such is life.

 I feel like we do everything backwards.. Now everyone is asking WHY we put it on the market.. Don't get me wrong I LOVE our house.. But its just to small there is no extra space for storage because we don't have a garage.. only the shed. If it comes down to it we will stay here and pay off our 2nd and then refi and put a garage in. It was a now or never kinda thing. So we just did it. If  it sells it sells if it doesn't its just meant we are supposed to be here longer! Plus I got a finished nursery out of it :).
   We put it on the market at the first of June.. and haven't had one single one single person look at it. Kinda disheartening... But I guess time will tell..

We are very close to starting the home study process.. our certification worker wants us certified by the end of next month.. We literally have to initial some packets and get our physicals turned in and then we can start... Honestly i'm scared to death.. I hardly have anything we need, toys, clothes and im sure a bunch of other little things!! Yeah.. ensue more panic there. I know everything will come together its just a matter of time. I'm worried about things like child care and how that will all come together.. me and Danny are hardly ever gonna see each other because of different days off so we can cover child care.. Ugh.. I guess this is normal for parents?

I just have to keep saying to myself.. this is the path that we are meant to go on, when the path changes is only up to the lord :).

Thats whats been up in our neck of the woods.. Crazy.. work and life is a crazy journey.. and we are learning more everyday to say the least! I'm dealing with a super annoying immature co worker lately.. OMG whole 'nother subject there!  To say the least i'm always sure there is more to put in the post but I can't think of any LOL but this should bring you up to speed :)

~Nicki

PS: 35 days till vacation in July and 96 days to  Disney World!

Yes I'm alive...

Just very busy with this thing we call life!


~Still doing training for Foster.. is only took them forever to get it to us and get everything situated... omg.. They were 'changing' things at the department.. thanks for the heads up.. guess its a taste of things to come.

~Doing CPR class this next wed.. Woo?

~Still getting crap done around house.. talked to a realtor..about maybe selling.. its still up in the air.. but doesn't look feesable .. We have out grown this house.. I have literally gone thru all of my belongings and everything I have.. I want to keep.. We need a garage hands down. But we're broke go figure.

~Have everything for the nursery just need to put it together.. Wishing it was for our own... Feeling pretty upset about that lately but I guess its normal..

~Wishing I could be doing treatments.. maybe soon?

~We literally spent all weekend outside.. it was beautiful.. PS: Grass in garden beds suckkkssss.

~Garden is planted and flower beds look pretty! Tree is trimmed lol.. Junk mostly hauled off!

~Disney in 138 days or so!  So busy.. life is defiantly getting in the way of all things :)


~Nicki

PS: Pretty sure i've missed a bunch! Hope a real update soon!!

We've been busy...

To say the least... We have a new shed for one! We started it on February 17th... we JUST finished it last weekend.. Like seriously.. it took FOREVER. Way longer than we wanted.. all thats left is to organize the inside and bring the Christmas out so a munchkin can have a closet :)

 Here's a couple photos!

 The walls.. We thought we were saving time by reusing the side walls.. Come to find out that our shed was 2 5ft sheds put together.. This house I swear.

 Almost all done painting :) and non leaning shed!  Nice and Sturdy :)

 Our deck is finally finished! Just have to stain it when the weather cooperates....Love it!

This was last summer when we did the base of the deck! 

 We found a bunch of stuff under the deck.. including about 20lbs of pink aquarium rocks.

 It was in pretty rough shape.. none of the wood used was pressure treated.. Which is like a no no. 

Anyways.. Happy that the major projects that will affect our home study is all done :) Now just a bunch of little stuff..Painting the nursery and putting down baseboards.. we finally found pieces to match out laminate floor to separate from the carpet.. can't think of the name.

So we haven't heard anything back from the girls at DHS... so hope all is going well. Will be calling on Monday and seeing when we can get some more class materials... We have core classes on Friday and Saturday.. and I need to get set up for CPR. So much left to do!

We are going up to my parents tomorrow because my Sister , Brother in Law and the kids are in town!! So we will stay 3 days up there and Danny's sister will stay here with the fuzzies. Pretty excited cause i'm on vacation for 10 whole days. So needed.. September was my last one!  Too long. As soon as I see how much vacation I get this year i'm putting in for July and September and then i'll probably take one after the new year since I *hopefully* get 3 weeks this year.. depending on average of hours worked.

Right now its currently snowing... and my sinuses are draining which is making me cough and have a scratchy throat... So i'm gonna veg out and find some dinner! Hope you all are well in Blog land!

Just to let you know...

I'm still alive we've been super busy....4 weeks of working outside rebuilding a shed.. Crazy.


All of our paper work is turned in, finger prints done and background check in the works!!!

More soon :) vacation is less than a week away!!!

~Nicki

So Lost.

I hate not knowing where everything is going.. how its going to turn out.. where to go next. Just lost and confused.. I want to move on SO bad.. but we have to get things done in order to move on.

~We need a garage. Period. Dot. End of story.

~Painting. ( yeah i'm the person who paints after new carpet is installed haha)

~Finish the Kitchen ( this is the only major thing left)

~Railing on the porch and finish back patio

~ Now apparently we need to get base boards.. because of the new carpet...Which by the way has a hole in it!! How awesome is THAT!?

~Get everything organized and put back.. which cannot happen until the carpet in living room with hole is replaced. Hopefully in the next couple weeks.

~A ton of little crap..

~Vacation.. is it September yet?

~After vacation.. see about getting equity out of our house for SOMETHING. Either more IUIs, IVF or Embryo Adoption.

~I want another lap done.. like today. It is eating at me to know if this is truly my problem.

I have so much more I want to say  but its a giant jumble in my head and I never have enough time to write it! We've been busy and when we are ... I'm not on the computer. I need to post some pictures of whats been going on.. I feel like I love my house again with everything that has been going on and getting done.

Now I just need a vacation. Pronto.

~Nicki

I guess I could update this thing!

Sorry for the lack of updates.. been busy around here working and not seeing my husband.. which is really starting to take its toll.. we are at each others throats lately and I do not like it :( not to mention the 'spark' has kinda gone away... We're gonna try and work on it... but its hard when we hardly see each other except when we are sleeping or saying Hi and Bye. We really need to get away.. September cannot get here fast enough.. I'm at the burnt out stage at work.. I need a break. Like NOW. Before the craziness of the Holidays get here.

Carpet goes in tomorrow!!!  As things go back in place we are going to rearrange and purge.. I have so much stuff.. like alot. Especially clothes! Holy moly the clothes! I just need to let go.. alot is outdated.. at least for my age.. Most is from HS which next year will be 10 YEARS. OMG *die*  Plus we are going to move the cats room into the spare bed room and then just rearrange furniture in between rooms and such. So.. if we ever have kids... its not covered in hair, smelly and and barfy lol!  I do have rugs for the cats room and under my dining table.  They are indoor/ outdoor but I got them at half off  ;) so 60 bucks for TWO rugs instead of 1 is awesome. I've been good with that this year!!

I want a child so bad.. I'm just not sure its going to happen... At least not at this point in my life. I really want to have another Lap done and then go from there but I just don't know. I hope after everything gets finished which in all reality its just little things now.. one big thing left is the cabinets. ( I would love new ones) we will finally have a plan.. that will get going soon. Its just depressing to think about right now. One thing that pisses me off is all these girls here just have babies.. It so frustrating. One at work just got married and like was preggo before it even happened and one girl is throwing her an 'emergency baby shower ' Because he has like nothing and is due in 5 weeks.. WEEKS. She said oh I don't know if I want the baby.. Um girl you go married if you didn't want it you know how to prevent it. She doesn't even have a crib or anything for it to sleep in.. all she does is bitch about how hot it is and eats nothing but crap. UGH.. Makes me SO mad!

I think i'm done for now.. gotta finish laundry, mother in law and her friend are coming over to help up rip up the rest of the old carpet.. which by the way.. Never think you vacuum gets all the dust/dirt.. OMG there was an insane amount of dust/ dirt under my carpet I could have died....


~Nicki

*insert wrench in plan*

Yeah so.. A wrench so to speak got thrown into 'we totally are going for adoption' plan! While I was reading thru my  Nov/ Dec IVF group on my fourm I visit ( yes we still keep in touch!) One of the ladies mentioned.. Embryo Adoption.. I knew about it.. but I never considered it.. The light bulb clicked.. Its less financially, and I get to experience everything about pregnancy! I should tell Danny about this...

Instantly I knew I hit a brick wall.. Danny was not for it AT ALL.. I told him.. its still adoption.. we just get to experience what we have always wanted. He said he couldn't watch me carry someone else's child, fear of resentment etc. But when you think about it, the same process only I carry the baby. We won't have to go wherever to get the child.. wait a week in a hotel to maybe take home a baby. We will set up a nursery, buy everything, have everything ready, listen to  heartbeat, hit milestones, go to the hospital, deliver a baby, and bring the baby home.. at the end of 9 months. Then it clicked with Danny, he wants it.. I want it.. I told him I wouldn't do it just so he can make me happy , he had to want it too.

It is almost 20 grand cheaper than Domestic adoption, and you get more than one try. Because you can adopt all the couple left over embryos from their IVF.  They would not be parenting the child , they are only genetically related to our child. Me and Danny are O.K With sending updates and pictures of our child to the Bio parents but that is probably as far as it would go.. Not 100% sure we could have another 'family' per say.. we would probably really have to jive with a couple for that to happen. But I think we will tell our children as they got older, the wonderful gift and selfless act their bio parents have done for us and will be forever thankful and grateful.

That is where we are headed.. we still need a home study done and we still need to fix the house.. but not having so much expense is awesome and we can a loan we need to get done what we need done.. the 3 major things, Garage, Porch and Carpet!  I know for sure we can make that happen with Embryo Adoption.

As far as the house goes right now.. Painting and more painting!  We have done 3 doors and 3 door frames, and started painting the spare bathroom!  the door frames are quick but a pain. It takes 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint to cover up that ugly brown! Primer.. woo need nice weather to have windows open for that stuff!! But it shouldn't take long to get it all done!


I cleaned up my porch today and got rid of all the junk off of it!  I have a ton of pots. I wish the porch was done so I could do my flower bed.

Thats about it in our neck of the woods.. except the stupid crazy Colorado weather... It seriously needs to be Spring! Over the cold.. and so are my allergies.

~Nicki