Do not pass go do not collect $200

So.. we got officially denied.. we only got approved for 6 thousand..Um.. Yeah sure let me pull a little over 10 grand out of my ass. Here yah go. I kinda laughed.. its like I'm not apply for this because I can afford the other half here people!! SO... I was pretty upset.. but then reality set in and we can try again in Oct/Nov when we have 2 major bills paid off.

Everyone thinks Danny is stupid cashing out his PERA.. well here's the thing.. he's not going back to the state... SO why leave 30 grand we can use for things sitting until he's 60? Yeah so.. I don't care how much taxes I have to pay.. we need that money now.. to make our life better. IE paying off our debt consolidation and one of my husbands loans and a few smaller things.. all while putting away money for the taxes.

We were thinking of paying off my car.. but April and Mike came over last night with their new truck LOL. I'm going with them today to see about the possibility of trading in my car for an SUV. I don't think I'll do it unless they get me a super sweet deal with a payment I can  handle. I love that working with Wal-Mart I can get employee pricing as if I work for the dealership its pretty sweet :) So we will see.. If not we're waiting.. impatiently for September. It seems SO far away. Next thing I know It will be Christmas..Ha. 

PS: I don't really want to get rid of my car.. because I love it.. Its the car I always wanted.  BUT its getting up there in miles..and if we end up with munchkins later down the  road.. its just too tiny ( i'd hate to cram a a car seat in it) But... such is life.. Plus I don't owe very much on it.

UGH.. Such is life.. I know everything is going to work out the way it needs to go.. But i'm so over everything not going the way I want it too.

That's it in our neck of the woods.. I can't remember if I posted about the bathroom floor fiasco.. So not looking forward to that.

~Nicki

When anxiety attacks.

My chest gets heavy and its hard to breathe.. and I become very shaky and jittery. These just started 2 days ago when we learned our initial loan did not get approved for our IVF.. We were devastated... Our hopes of having a child just go ripped out of our hand. While texting a good friend that this had just happened.. they offered to cosign with us.. How could we ever accept that, how could we ever thank them? My parents had already said no.. don't even know why I asked. Me and Danny took a while to think it over since Saturday Sunday they aren't open. We just reapplied taking their gracious offer.. and are just waiting.. I'm praying with everything I have right now that it works.. we couldn't go with the actual offer we wanted which was 2 fresh and 2 frozen.. we had to go with 1 fresh and 1 frozen..


If this doesn't work we have to wait.. until after the start of the new year to reapply. After more bills are paid. I just don't think I have the patience to wait this long.. but I guess I will have to make it work in my head.. I can't imagine what some women feel like waiting longer than 4 years.


Waiting is horrible.. Yesterday before they came over I thought something was wrong with me.. I've never had and anxiety attack before.. sometimes I feel super anxious but never have any physical symptoms before. Well yesterday I thought I was having a serious problem with my Birth Control.. IE Blood clot, heart attack, because my test was feeling kind of tight and  I had to keep taking deep breaths... and I couldn't stop shaking as if my blood sugar was low. I was on the verge of calling my RE.. BUT my Nurse called and I explained it to here and everything that is happening. She said it sounds like anxiety but would talk to the Dr and get back to me.. well she never did so I'm assuming all is ok since i've been on BC for over a week.


On top of all of this horrible news.. We discovered where a leak from our bathroom is coming from.. when our hot water heater went out the one pipe we didn't replace.. failed.. and has been leaking.. for quite some time.. so we will be shelling out $200-300 to re do my entire floor.. including the sub floor.. and tile.. Danny had to get under the house to turn off the main water to fix the leak.. and it was a mud pit and the floor was soaking wet and dripping.. I about died. So.. yeah.. there is a ton of anxiety in my life right now.. I can feel the attacks coming on.. and try to reassure myself that everything will work out in God's time.. and that it will all be ok in the end.. And they start to subside.. sometimes.. Work should be interesting.

Thats what happening in my life.. besides.. my garden doing WONDERFUL. Life has been ok.. just trying to chug along... Now I have to go make breakfast and finish my lunch and check on my ornery furchild...

PS: I actually made myself a decent cup of coffee....:)

~Nicki

Uh..

So.. I start Birth control tomorrow.. what? How did that happen!? Where did the time go !?  Yeah.. Now i'm going crazy because we have to get the financing in order and all that good stuff. Danny starts his new job monday.. OMG OVERLOAD.

I need to figure out some stress relief ...i'm hoping with BC that some weight will fall off because my hormones will balance out.. I've lost about 10lbs since Mayish.. so this might be the little jumpstart I need!

Just need to take a deep breath.. everything will work out just fine.

Just a quick update.. I can't believe we are finally here!

~Nicki

Wits end...?

I think I may be approaching this.. THANK GOD my vacation.. well more or less..Staycation starts tomorrow at 4. For 9 glorious days I will not have to work.. Then Danny starts his job with the Feds.. YES FINALLY!!! On Monday the 16th :) Here's a run down of whats been going on in our neck of the woods...

- Ornery Puppy. I think I might go crazy with Rocky just by himself. I think I found something that doesn't understand the word NO or his name.

-Waiting for my next period.. in hopes of starting IVF.. We are still totally in limbo.. We just don't have a date on when he will go to Georgia.. is has to be with in his first 60 days.. So.. Yeah  If we do it and then he gets his date after his 2 weeks.. we will SO be screwed. I kinda need him here.. LOL and want him here!

-My house is falling apart.. we have decided to fix/spruce it up and sell.. Refinancing did not go as planned...Our 2nd mortgage (that we were told was not going to exist) pretty much screwed us over!

- My house is such bad shape.. I really just need to pack crap up and be done with it LOL but I have attachment issues.. yeah.. 8 yrs later and I still have clothes from HS and think I will fit into them again one day?

- I stopped working out.. almost 2 weeks.. didn't even see results not even a 1lb. even tho the RE's office said so? Clothes still fit the same if not worse! But I haven't gained any back.. even tho.. I have the worst/ longest craving ever for BURGERS.. The only thing I think of eating for dinner.. is a Burger.. don't care where its from.. just a BURGER.

- I get to watch Chloe on Sunday and Monday because he sil is camping :) we watched her last Monday too.. I sure hope we don't get Miss Cranky Chloe again on Sunday!  I would like Happy Chloe :)


- Um.. Its actually rained.. More than 5 seconds! 


-My garden is doing lousy.. its huge and green but hardly any veggies...Need to fertilize on Vacay!

-Can I hire a maid?

- The plan while we're off is to redo the kitchen cabinets.. repaint my door trim from shit brown to white.. then we have to repaint the walls eventually too. Um and maybe clean the house lmao.

Thats about it in my world.. besides my horrible cranky mood, snapping at everything and everyone... and super sleepyness and craving.

~Nicki

PS: I think I may loose it.. I hope not hahah I have alot to get done in 9 days! With out over doing it!

FINALLY!

I Finally started my period on Tuesday.. Dr. Murray wouldn't be in on Thursday so I went in on Wed for blood work and u/s. My AFC is 21! Which she said it just about right!! So that's good! Danny had some blood drawn too hahah!

So today I had my saline u/s done.. Um. Ow. I had my pap done at the same time so.. I think that irritated my cervix. So as soon as she tried to do my mock transfer my cervix said HELL NO. *insert pain* It wouldn't let anything in.. my IUI's were always so easy! She didn't know what was going on. So she let me rest for about 10 min.. and switched speculums.. went in like a glove. So she took note of that.. the saline felt like horrible cramps. BUT everything looks great! The feds need to hurry up so I can call Jodi and tell her we will be starting with my next cycle.. fingers crossed.

PS: I told my uterus to get baking since its such a perfect lady oven.

~Nicki

Still waiting...

Yep.. My period was due the 3/4th.. its now the 9th.. GO FIGURE. Life is just going by.. kind of in a lull right now.. everything seems so monotonous. Danny is just in a holding pattern waiting for his official hire call for the Feds...  We're both pretty stressed with all this change.. and waiting for IVF to get going. It seems we're never home.. but its kinda of self induced.. the last thing I want to do is clean my house LOL.We're only home long enough to do some dishes.. and my laundry on the weekends.. Last weekend was nice tho.. it was beautiful

 We took Rocky and Wrangler to the River so Rocky can get the lay of  water :) need to take him somewhere where he can SWIM. There isn't many calm spots on the river.. and not many lakes around here. Everything is going well with him.. but I don't feel like I can get much done.. because I have to watch his every move.. the only time I'm not is when I'm working out... he's in his kennel.. for 20 min.

That.. is NOT going well.. I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.. and have barely lost any weight since starting weight watchers over a month ago.. and since starting the work out.. what gives?? When I actually give it a go.. nothing works. Ugh.. I'm getting super frustrated.

I guess tomorrow its opening weekend of the Renaissance Festival. I asked Danny if he wanted to go he said sure.. but I'm not comfortable leaving Rocky in his crate for 8 hrs yet.. he's still to young. So..needless to say Rocky and Wrangler will be spending that day at Grandmas...so that way he doesn't freak out.. he still has big brother there. So hopefully a day of relaxation.. well as much as you can get walking around LOL and some fun :)

Right now.. I'm tired.. I wish it was time for Danny to get home.. I'm tired of smelling fire's at night.. its horrible for my allergies...

Here's some recent Pics :)

 BAT DOG!

 What did I do?

<3
~Nicki

The Garden 2012!

I'm really excited for my garden this year.. Lets see on the list this year...

- Grapes! Its loaded once again :) hopefully Concord Grape Sorbet this year! YUM!

- Peppers.. To Include Jalapenos, Sweet Banana, Green Bell, and a Garden Salsa :)

- Tomatoes... I broke down and bought 2 plants.. One Bonnie Original and a Beefmaster!

- Cantaloupe.. my seeds never came up.. so I bought plants.. Low and behold we go to dig that hole and there are the seedlings poking up! I'm going to have cantaloupe out my ears!

- Watermelon.. they are sugar baby variety.. same thing with the seeds..but they haven't showed up yet.

- Pumpkins... Sugar Pie Pumpkins.. NONE of my seeds have come up.. hoping the ones in the bathroom under the skylight will come up.. fingers crossed!!

-Strawberries!

- Raspberries.. although I'm not sure i'll get berries this year just planted it :)

- Red delish apple- The tree is LOADED!! They are about golf ball size right now :)

- Carrots

- Green beans :) Gonna plant a few more seeds as some magically dissapeared?

-Onions... only yellow this year :) the red ones are funky....

- Lettuce and Celery.. If the lettuce ever pops up too. gotta plant the Celery stump :)

- And Potatoes! Just red tho :) we're giving them a go!
Here are a few pictures of the early stage :)

 Apples!! For the first time EVER (we've had it 3 years)

 My raspberry that has finally survived!

 Some baby grapes :)

 Carrots and onions! The lonely row next to it was supposed to be lettuce.

 A few greenbeans

 The Original tomato and Sweet peppers

Potatoes :) have been covered again since the picture! Growing like weeds!

I'm very tired.. so I'm off to bed.. My period is due anyday now.. my mood swings are crazy and have some pretty bad cravings! Ugh SO hard when your trying to diet!  Goodnight!

~Nicki