Getting Nervous!

I feel like we arr coming to the end of an adoption process if you will ! We have 2 more home study dates, tomorrow and then the next monday.. Yikes! Our one one interviews are tomorrow.. gah! We literally have almost everything.. like if we were get a placement tomorrow or miraculously get pregnant.. we'd be all set.. except for a bath, medicines, diapers and like butt paste lol!  I have clothes for both girls and boys.. in almost all sizes up too about 2t, I have bath toys, pacifiers, bottles, a boppy, playmat.. everything I could think of!!

There is no doubt in my mind any kiddo that comes into our home will be loved and spoiled as if it were our own.. I most defiantly have some fears.. cause it will be SO sudden that everything will change... I hope we smooth on in with a few bumps to be expected .. I think we will get a placement after we come back from Disney.. money wise I don't think a place ticket that soon before going will be feasible for us money wise :/ But if it comes down to it.. we will make it happen :). I'm just scared that nothing will work out day care wise and everything will fall apart at the seams.. Ugh. gonna have to sit down with hubby and go over everything again.. not to mention have to get our questions prepared before we say yes to any placement!  ( We can ask questions to make us feel good about the placement, type of abuse, siblings, handicaps, allergies etc)

JUST SO NERVOUS!!! I have no one to ask about anything.. everyone thinks the first placement we get will be our forever kiddo.. It doesn't always happen that way! Its a long process..I hope we are prepared for it, Guess i shouldn't say hope.. We ARE prepared for it.. Now If I can stop this shopping spree I'm on ;).. Needless to say.. Um The UPS man probably hates me LOL!

~Nicki

Ahh!

So we will be doing the first part of our Homestudy TOMORROW. GAH! And the finally out of no where were getting some where! Now i'm all nervous and such, hoping I have everything to get started... Which I'm sure I do.. ordered a few things, that I think I need LOL which I'm sure not all of them I do.. Lets see

-Receiving blankets ( the price for some of this stuff.. like 2 blankets.. for 31 dollars WTF?)
-Bottles I went with Playtex ventaire.. Avent I kept reading had tons of leaking issues. But got a set so multiple sizes!
-Bottle drying rack
-Play mat :) bought a little Einstein one can be for either sex and was one of the only ones I like had lots to take on and off :)
-Health and safety kit
-Nose sucker that you can actually clean! I've seen the insides of the bulb ones after the get cut open.. yuck. So this is a bulb but screws open and closed for easy cleaning!

That was on Amazon ( its evil :) )

I also used the $100 gift card my brother got us for Christmas since it was just sitting around..I don't shop there much!

I got a few more outfits in sizes I don't have ( Major clearance woo!) 3 girl outfits and 3 boy outfits, boppy pillow and 3 toys ! All for under 100 bucks cause I'm loving sale stuff lately!

This weekend I took all the tags and washed all the clothes i've accumulated over the last 6 years.. it was little sad..but happy at the same time.. hoping to get to see a little one in them soon :)!

The house hunt.. is well the house hunt.. Ugh.. Seriously every house I like.. literally goes under contract the night before or 30 min after we look at it.. Like.. Not kidding.. Good thing we have one lined up.. Possibly! Its not on the market! They work with an investor so he would fix some stuff and we would get first dibs!! Crossing my fingers on that one! Well off to go water the garden since its not going to rain..

~Nicki

A rough go...

Lately I have been struggling with infertility lately.. its really biting at me to start trying again. We just never have the stupid money to try.. I'm thinking of switching insurance.. to see if there is better coverage out there. I also want a second opinion.. I really love my RE and the nurse staff.. they are so nice.. its been over a year since we did any sort of treatment.. we did one IUI after the failed IVF. It was of course a no go.. and then we just stopped.. we haven't even TRIED to get preggo.. and still nada.

We are just almost a week away from out 7 year anniversary.. It seems soo crazy that we have been married almost 7 years.. it seems like we are in a rut.. its been just us 2 for 8 years... we have gained one furbaby that hasn't been with us since we have been together.. all of my other animals are 7 or older.. I really want to share the feeling of family with him.. our own little family. After finishing the nursery all I can think about is how I want no one else but our baby in that nursery.. I'm sure I will feel differently when we get a placement.. if that ever happens. But right now.. with it empty that is how I feel.

I'm feeling lost.. I don't know what direction to go... do I get a second opinion now.. or just wait and let my ovaries get older and unused?? I want nothing more that to carry just ONE child.. Just one. Its all I want and nothing more.. I guess its too much to ask of anyone..

I really feel that something is wrong.. and which is why I feel strongly about a 2nd opinion.. Maybe I just need to go for it?? I'm loosing hair again.. not as bad but its noticeable.. I'm all of a sudden having a psoriasis break out, totally out of the blue they just started appearing.

The house hunt is no where near over.. we've had 3 people look at it.. no offers.. we have one tomorrow.. we think we have found our house.. but the bedroom size is the only thing that bugs me, everything else is perfect. Of Course. It is not on the market our realtor works with a couple of investors and one bought that house.. so he would fix what we wanted fix new carpet, paint etc. and of course what we want done.. and in our budget.. Both have been out of town and we haven't heard anything yet.. maybe tomorrow. I guess I should go clean for tomorrow and catch up on some shows!

~Nicki

Working on my tan....

So to speak.. Today was weeding day  out in the garden.. Didn't get the front ones done but hey tomorrow is another day.. A lot has happened since my last post.. its been crazy.


We should be done with our training by now.. but um we kinda hit a speed bump. We put our house on the market. Yeah.. Basically we had been toying with the idea forever but nothing was moving.. and all of a sudden.. BAM House market starts moving.. so the ball went rolling! We had several projects to finish and declutter the house... omg I was having panic attacks and stress out the wazoo, So much so that my hair started falling out again :/ Such is life.

 I feel like we do everything backwards.. Now everyone is asking WHY we put it on the market.. Don't get me wrong I LOVE our house.. But its just to small there is no extra space for storage because we don't have a garage.. only the shed. If it comes down to it we will stay here and pay off our 2nd and then refi and put a garage in. It was a now or never kinda thing. So we just did it. If  it sells it sells if it doesn't its just meant we are supposed to be here longer! Plus I got a finished nursery out of it :).
   We put it on the market at the first of June.. and haven't had one single one single person look at it. Kinda disheartening... But I guess time will tell..

We are very close to starting the home study process.. our certification worker wants us certified by the end of next month.. We literally have to initial some packets and get our physicals turned in and then we can start... Honestly i'm scared to death.. I hardly have anything we need, toys, clothes and im sure a bunch of other little things!! Yeah.. ensue more panic there. I know everything will come together its just a matter of time. I'm worried about things like child care and how that will all come together.. me and Danny are hardly ever gonna see each other because of different days off so we can cover child care.. Ugh.. I guess this is normal for parents?

I just have to keep saying to myself.. this is the path that we are meant to go on, when the path changes is only up to the lord :).

Thats whats been up in our neck of the woods.. Crazy.. work and life is a crazy journey.. and we are learning more everyday to say the least! I'm dealing with a super annoying immature co worker lately.. OMG whole 'nother subject there!  To say the least i'm always sure there is more to put in the post but I can't think of any LOL but this should bring you up to speed :)

~Nicki

PS: 35 days till vacation in July and 96 days to  Disney World!

Yes I'm alive...

Just very busy with this thing we call life!


~Still doing training for Foster.. is only took them forever to get it to us and get everything situated... omg.. They were 'changing' things at the department.. thanks for the heads up.. guess its a taste of things to come.

~Doing CPR class this next wed.. Woo?

~Still getting crap done around house.. talked to a realtor..about maybe selling.. its still up in the air.. but doesn't look feesable .. We have out grown this house.. I have literally gone thru all of my belongings and everything I have.. I want to keep.. We need a garage hands down. But we're broke go figure.

~Have everything for the nursery just need to put it together.. Wishing it was for our own... Feeling pretty upset about that lately but I guess its normal..

~Wishing I could be doing treatments.. maybe soon?

~We literally spent all weekend outside.. it was beautiful.. PS: Grass in garden beds suckkkssss.

~Garden is planted and flower beds look pretty! Tree is trimmed lol.. Junk mostly hauled off!

~Disney in 138 days or so!  So busy.. life is defiantly getting in the way of all things :)


~Nicki

PS: Pretty sure i've missed a bunch! Hope a real update soon!!

For Real...

Seriously. I'm kind of glad that I am no longer friends with Stacey. I think she has gone off the deep end.. I am almost NEVER on twitter. The one time I decide to look around on it.. I see the lovely comment about How a certain someone should stop trying to get to her son through her family and to stay the fuck away..  Well here's and interesting thing. I Ran into her sister the same day she posted this.. all I said was Hi how are you ( being courteous) and then I went back up to her.. cause well I thought her sister was nice.. and asked her next time she sees Gideon to give him a hug and kiss from us.. cause well we miss him!

Yeah... I don't even know why she would say that... I haven't even talked to her in almost 2 years.. how am I trying to get to him?? I swear. Drama must be needed in order to function. I don't need drama.. I like to be drama free.. Plumbing issues are the extent of all the drama I need in my life. Thank you very much.

So frustrating that she wouldn't even talk to me after the whole ordeal if you would even call it that.. That's what makes me mad the most. It was all one sided because of that bitch that thought she knew everything.

Need to move on and not have this kept being brought up in my life.. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change that.. I have a loving husband, a roof over my head and my fur babies and family that love me for me and that's all that matters.

As some people say my hands are washed of this. If I ever run into anyone from her family I will just ignore them.. if they try to reach out.. I'll just ignore that to.

Kinda glad we keep to ourselves most of the time! Its clearly needed!

~Nicki

We've been busy...

To say the least... We have a new shed for one! We started it on February 17th... we JUST finished it last weekend.. Like seriously.. it took FOREVER. Way longer than we wanted.. all thats left is to organize the inside and bring the Christmas out so a munchkin can have a closet :)

 Here's a couple photos!

 The walls.. We thought we were saving time by reusing the side walls.. Come to find out that our shed was 2 5ft sheds put together.. This house I swear.

 Almost all done painting :) and non leaning shed!  Nice and Sturdy :)

 Our deck is finally finished! Just have to stain it when the weather cooperates....Love it!

This was last summer when we did the base of the deck! 

 We found a bunch of stuff under the deck.. including about 20lbs of pink aquarium rocks.

 It was in pretty rough shape.. none of the wood used was pressure treated.. Which is like a no no. 

Anyways.. Happy that the major projects that will affect our home study is all done :) Now just a bunch of little stuff..Painting the nursery and putting down baseboards.. we finally found pieces to match out laminate floor to separate from the carpet.. can't think of the name.

So we haven't heard anything back from the girls at DHS... so hope all is going well. Will be calling on Monday and seeing when we can get some more class materials... We have core classes on Friday and Saturday.. and I need to get set up for CPR. So much left to do!

We are going up to my parents tomorrow because my Sister , Brother in Law and the kids are in town!! So we will stay 3 days up there and Danny's sister will stay here with the fuzzies. Pretty excited cause i'm on vacation for 10 whole days. So needed.. September was my last one!  Too long. As soon as I see how much vacation I get this year i'm putting in for July and September and then i'll probably take one after the new year since I *hopefully* get 3 weeks this year.. depending on average of hours worked.

Right now its currently snowing... and my sinuses are draining which is making me cough and have a scratchy throat... So i'm gonna veg out and find some dinner! Hope you all are well in Blog land!