Well Crap...

This cycle was a complete and total bust.. They had to cancle it.. as I Ovulated on CD 9.. Wtf? My RE refused to do and IUI that day because I had like no mature follicles.. the biggest one was 11mm.. So she took and LH blood draw.. being as it was a Friday, I would not get the results till Monday.. RE said she would call.. well Never got the call..

Me and Danny head up to springs for my sched u/s, because maybe it had just been a fluke OPK... Well Of course not.. I have to have a screwed up body.. I guess it was a good thing that we did it the night before.. and then that Friday.. But that was it. So Out the window went $300.

SO plan for whenever Aunt Flow decides to show up which maybe early.. because i've been super bitchy and moody.. OR maybed thats just cause i'm stressed and want the holidays over already. Anyways.. We're doing injectables.. Umm.. yikes? Yeah.. I get to shoot myself up.. NOT looking forward to that .. for at least a week! We have to mix it.. yeah. The thought of giving myself a needle... if danny is not there.. makes me want to pass out. THANKFULLY we got this next months worth of meds for Free! Yay for Samples!! I get to do a WONDERFUL Suppository of Endometrin.. Not looking forward to that.. Dunno why I gotta take it my progesterone is usually fine..

Here's the shitty part.. After the first few doses.. I have to drive to Springs (56 miles ONE WAY) Every other day!!!!! Suckage.. I'll take twins at this point.. but not Quintuplets! Gotta be monitored real close..if I get more than 5 mature follicles.. I get cancelled.. they will probably tell us not to have sex.. But I am not going to waste over $1000 for a treatment.. I'll have Sex. the chances of them all releasing and fertilizing are slim to none.. Because I wouldn't take the Ovidrel..

Praying hard this next cycle is the one..

If Not.. we're taking a break till after the holidays.. its too crazy.. we would need to save an ass load of money for drugs, gas an copays. We will take that time to do that and pay off some of the bills that are already rolling in.. Ugh.. Plus we have tags due for 2 of our cars... mine and the New one.. *die* Whos brilliant idea was it to have tags due at the SAME time!? I dunno.. Not to mention right around the holidays.. Another thing..we don't want to try to schedual around holidays and closed office days.. And risk a cancelled cycle.. Plus it will be snowing and crappy weather so its probably best.

On another note.. We hung with Mike and April for the first time in a long time. We went over for dinner and so Danny could help move some stuff out of their spare room that will be the nursery.. It was a little heart wrenching.. Knowing that I don't know if I will ever have the joy of watching Danny put together OUR baby furniture.. or Go to an Ultrasound to find out if we are having a girl or a boy. It hurts.. it hurts a lot. It seems like everyone thinks we need to hear all these miraculous stories of Oh they just stopped thinking about it and it will happen or adopt and you will get pregnant. Sorry People.. It does NOT always happen that way.. I have stopped thinking about it.. And lookie here I'm still not pregnant. It actually hurts us more to hear those things.. At least for me it does.

Also.. people don't know that its probably actually CHEAPER to do a $20,000 procedure to have my OWN child than do an adoption at this point.. me and Danny aren't here yet.. I'm sure if we don't have child in a few years... we might think about this. But not right now. I just wish more people were more sensitive to this whole Infertility thing.. there are millions of couples who suffer through this.. I do not wish this on my worst enemy..


Guess thats it for now.. Off to another restless night of sleep.

~Nicki

Maybe One day....

I'll get to build baby furniture in my spare room.. and think about painting and decorating...

Went over to Mike and Aprils.. haven't been over there in a while.. Went for dinner and to help him move stuff out of spare room...which will soon be their nursery. Then it turned into us helping them build their baby furniture :( It was gorgeous... She's due in January.


CD12 u/s tomorrow.. if my LH comes back neg.. Long story short... I got a pos OPK CD 9 went in for U/s didn't look like I was ovulating.. Cyst was still there but no mature follies.. had 1 at 11mm then a few smaller ones that might catch up. So we will see I was so hopeful for this cycle.. Cause it was going So smooth!! Ugh.. Praying hard that bw is negative in AM. We will be discussing injectables tomorrow too.. I really hope we don't have to go there!

Heres that tomorrow will be an awesome day with huge Follies and a trigger Tuesday :) with IUI wed.. Any well wishes and prayers gladly appreaciated!!

~Nicki

Sometimes..

You hope your doing the right thing and then others you wish you would have done the wrong things.. Damned if you do Damned if you don't...

I try to help alot of people and sometimes its just not worth it.. I've learned this over the years some people aren't worth helping. I have a friend at work that she has helped a lot people with money and such giving them loans.. only to get nothing in returned or screwed over..and she is the sweetest lady. She wanted to get a loan to buy a motorcycle or scooter because her truck is too expensive to drive all year long.. She lives by herself and lives on a wal-mart salary... But because she has helped so many people and they never paid her back etc.. She can't get a loan :( Makes me sad!

Also.. when you try to help someone or give them good adivce never fails it backfires. This is why I'm trying to stop giving advice or helping people because I never get anything in return. And we totally just had a powersuge at 10:30 Am...The sun is shining and bam... Oi vey. ANYWAYS.

This is what i've learned over my 25 years of existance.. What happened to treat people the way you want to be treated? I just try to give some adivce when its needed.. you don't have to take it.. Like one of my friends says.. Take it with a grian of salt. All I ever do is just give adivce. Hardly anyone gives me any.. which sometimes would be nice!

Just saying...

Why does life have to be so complicated and miserable sometimes? Not enjoying this rut!

Fall...

I am so ready for fall... I'm tired of the 90-100 degree heat everyday! I left work last night and the bank read 80 degrees at 10:30pm.. Ugh. I was thinking I might wanna do fall crops but.. Its too hot they won't do anything! Oh well.. the garden isn't doing well this year since its been so hot and so little rain. Makes you wonder what kind of winter we will have... Will it be Cold and Dry? Or Mild and Wet? Or Cold and Wet? Or however many more combinations you can make out of that!

On the fertility front... i'm on CD 7 last day of femara.. Need to order my trigger shot.. Got my CD 12 u/s on Monday. This cycle seems laid back? It just doesn't seem like its going very fast, but i'm ok with that! I still feel very positive about this cycle.. I'm ready to have a munchkin... or 2!

I'm so over this waiting thing.. I can only imagine how some other ladies I know have to wait so long :(. Just so ready to wake up and not have to just take care of myself,Danny, or my furries :( Ready to push a stroller around the block and let a baby experience being outside for the first time, just to see the look on their cute little face... anything! I just want someone new to cuddle and squish and love with kisses.. Too much to ask? Guess so...

I slept to late this morning.. So I have a headache.. but kinda from the femara too.. had one lingering yesterday.. Ugh. I am excited about having more motivation to do stuff!!! Like.. Organize and get rid of crap!Our house is overwhelmed.. and since we can get a new house anytime soon.. this will have to do! (Boy would I love a new house!!) But at the same time.. I love my house :) Just need it to not be so cluttery and dusty.. I HATE Dusting.. and so does Danny.. I need a maid haha. Just to dust.

GAH! I need another vacation.. Thinking about asking Larry for the week of thanksgiving off.. and maybe swing it to go see my Aunt in Wisconsin!? Its been about 6 yrs since i've been.. I miss that vacation. We will see *fingers crossed* We're already skimping with money.. due to Tags and A possible injectables cycle at the end of Sept/ early Oct. I'm praying to the good lord that this one works! So maybe we will save enough to go up to Wisconsin :) And I could get to see my Brother! Its been like 2 years.. Too LONG! I miss by Bud :( And maybe I'll be preg :D! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!

So...

Because Volt wanted to eat Onions.. Danny decided to hunt him down with the nerf gun and shoot him hahah.

I am sad.. because we are going to loose Jason on DVR :(!!!! We don't have a DVD recorder.. Boo.. We are canceling our Bresnan service after 6 yrs.. because their premiums are about to shoot up 30 bucks.. which means we will be paying 180 some odd bucks. NO THANKS!

Bring on Qwest and Driect Tv. Danny is excited because we get 3 free months of NFL Sunday ticket.. and I'm excited because I Get Free HBO for 3 months.. Yes I get to see The Tudors! (another TV addiction ;) )

So.. we had some money troubles this month.. but thankfully got them figured out and we can cycle if this month if this one doesn't work.. Which I doubt its going to.. I'm craving chocolate.. Majoy Aunt Flo Sign...
I tested 10dpip.. *slaps hand* bad! I got a faint line.. but I think it was left over trigger.. Then I was stupido and tested this afternoon.. Whats wrong with me!?!?! It was Stark white one line test... Boo. Oh well.. I have ONE test left and will probably test Tues.. Which will be 14dpo and 13diui.

I'm throwing the idea in my head around that I might wanna add injects? Terrified of the cost tho I won't lie. Not sure.. i'll see what Dr.M says if AF arrives again.

Random moment: Totally watching CMT Music Festival on TV.. I TOTALLY WANT ONE OF THOSE HUGE GUITAR DRINKS!!!! *Dances to Luke Bryants Country Girl Shake it For me* Which by the way.. I'm dying to go drinking and dancing with my girls....


Which hopefully will be soon! Having a girl day soon to go to IKEA! I hear its pretty awesome :)

Work.. Is sucking right now.. I don't know if i'll ever get preg with all the heavy lifting I keep doing! It makes me SO MAD. But I can't not perform my job.. and at the same time I don't want to move to another position as I love my area I work in. Ugh.. So frustrating.. I could take an LOA for a week to implant then come back *lmao* don't think they'd like that once a month tho!

Since we have like NO groceries in the house right now... I wanted popcorn.. didn't have non.. so we will be roasting marshmellows soon after this show is over :) <3 Which Danny just randomly danced with me to 'Just a Kiss' By Lady Antebellum I love him.. he's pretty awesome!

I think thats enough for now.. Almost Jason time.. Which OMG Totally just rememberd.. HE MIGHT BE COMING TO COLORADO IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blah!

Is it testing day yet!? Of course not.. I'm going bonkers... Ugh 8 more days! I still have a bunch of mixed feelings about this cycle! Totally not sure what the out come will be.. As for right now.. trigger is pretty much out of my system and tiredness has gone away.. last time.. It stayed. Guess We will see.. But now I gotta get ready for work. Boo.

10 4

IUI done. 23 million after wash and good motility :) Eggie.. meet your new best friend and make me a munchkin!!!

At home just relaxing.. and praying.. and Now i'm going to take a nap :) Cause... I'm super sleepy.. its a day late *lol* I was good yesterday. Today another story probably cause we were up early.. Supposed to have more monsoon rain that may cause flash flooding! Bring it on my garden needs it.. and so does my pocketbook so it doesn't have to pay 100 water bills...

Happy Napping!

~Nicki

Looks like..

We will be having our 2nd IUI Wed. I will trigger tonight @ 9.. which means Danny gets to stab me in the butt.. Since I know what it feels like I will NOT freak out and make myself sick hahah because it was a piece of cake!!

Apparently I have a beautifully shaped lining and thickness :D. Cause i'm cool like that. But only ONE Follie! Boo. But hey all it takes it 1 and 1! Its at 19.5 woot.

SO Not looking forward to the symptoms of trigger tho.. the last time.. the day after trigger I felt like I had sleepyness DUMPED on me.. Like I almost fell OVER sleepy! Oh well.. BRING IT ON. I just hope that if I implant it will not give me symptoms like it did the last time... IE going home because i thought i was going to throw up and pass out.. I think that is SO weird that my body responded to implantation that way...Guess I'm just a weirdo ;)

~Nicki