Why is it...

That EVERY TIME I find a dryer sheet that I like.. they discontinue them!!?!?! Like seriously. all. the. time. The bounce was the one I used the longest I think.. with the little green dots.. This one.. I've only bought 2 boxes of 70 cts... of the Snuggle Blue Iris and Bamboo Silk. I only do laundry once a week with an average of 3 loads, Maybe 4 if I was dog towels and linens.. so seriously they last me FOREVER. Ugh.. Walmart where I usually get them.. didn't have them.. nor did City Market.. it says Safeway and Walmart carry them according to their website.. So I will check Safeway next!  If not.. Amazon has them 7.00 a BOX.. Oi Vey.

Anyways.. Not much going on here.. just plugging away the best we can. Work and more work. Then attempt to do stuff on our one day together. Its a little rough only seeing each other for one whole day.. but we make due!

I can't really think of much to say.. haven't really done much.. We are feeling really confidant in our decision to do Embryo Adoption.. it feels pretty awesome.. just wish we could get the ball rolling like.. RIGHT NOW.. But I must be patient ;)!

~Nicki

*insert wrench in plan*

Yeah so.. A wrench so to speak got thrown into 'we totally are going for adoption' plan! While I was reading thru my  Nov/ Dec IVF group on my fourm I visit ( yes we still keep in touch!) One of the ladies mentioned.. Embryo Adoption.. I knew about it.. but I never considered it.. The light bulb clicked.. Its less financially, and I get to experience everything about pregnancy! I should tell Danny about this...

Instantly I knew I hit a brick wall.. Danny was not for it AT ALL.. I told him.. its still adoption.. we just get to experience what we have always wanted. He said he couldn't watch me carry someone else's child, fear of resentment etc. But when you think about it, the same process only I carry the baby. We won't have to go wherever to get the child.. wait a week in a hotel to maybe take home a baby. We will set up a nursery, buy everything, have everything ready, listen to  heartbeat, hit milestones, go to the hospital, deliver a baby, and bring the baby home.. at the end of 9 months. Then it clicked with Danny, he wants it.. I want it.. I told him I wouldn't do it just so he can make me happy , he had to want it too.

It is almost 20 grand cheaper than Domestic adoption, and you get more than one try. Because you can adopt all the couple left over embryos from their IVF.  They would not be parenting the child , they are only genetically related to our child. Me and Danny are O.K With sending updates and pictures of our child to the Bio parents but that is probably as far as it would go.. Not 100% sure we could have another 'family' per say.. we would probably really have to jive with a couple for that to happen. But I think we will tell our children as they got older, the wonderful gift and selfless act their bio parents have done for us and will be forever thankful and grateful.

That is where we are headed.. we still need a home study done and we still need to fix the house.. but not having so much expense is awesome and we can a loan we need to get done what we need done.. the 3 major things, Garage, Porch and Carpet!  I know for sure we can make that happen with Embryo Adoption.

As far as the house goes right now.. Painting and more painting!  We have done 3 doors and 3 door frames, and started painting the spare bathroom!  the door frames are quick but a pain. It takes 2 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint to cover up that ugly brown! Primer.. woo need nice weather to have windows open for that stuff!! But it shouldn't take long to get it all done!


I cleaned up my porch today and got rid of all the junk off of it!  I have a ton of pots. I wish the porch was done so I could do my flower bed.

Thats about it in our neck of the woods.. except the stupid crazy Colorado weather... It seriously needs to be Spring! Over the cold.. and so are my allergies.

~Nicki

Busy Busy.

That is what we are going to be this summer. In ordered to even let a social worker in my home for a home study.. I need to have my home presentable LOL. It is far from that in my mind.

So.. we have a huge list of a bunch of little things to get done before we move ahead! But we will get there eventually!!

-Finish the master bathroom, it needs ceiling paint. baseboards, and to spackle the wall the old cabinet came out of and trim around the new one.

- Finish the spare bathroom, it needs paint, new trim around tub, floor, new towel rods etc, and secure the new vanity.. oh and put the toilet back on LOL and get new color scheme in towels, shower curtain etc.

- Paint the door trims, I think this will be our first project as we have everything.. but the weather needs to be nice to have the windows open!!

- Paint the Kitchen cabinets, need paint and hinges as we already have the door and drawer pulls. This will be sooo time consuming but I hope and pray it will look awesome in the end!

- Redo the front porch.. some of the board are rotting.. so this will be a slow one. we will get a few boards at a time and go from there.

- Make a back patio.. my mom has a stone template that we will pour self leveling concrete in them to make it flat so my patio furniture will sit flat :) a few bags at a time.. it will get done!

-Make grass grow.. LOL

- Make a raised flower bed in front of the new porch.

- Fix/ or get new trim around the windows and around the base of the house. Its starting to show its age.

- Get new carpet. Hoping we get just a bit of extra on our loan *praying hard we get what we need* to get this done.

-We are also looking it to getting a 'garage' to store dannys tools and an area of storage for me because if we're going to stay here.. we're going to need it!

I think thats about it.. of course still trying to save for Disney.. its been a rough few months money wise.. Hoping thats over! On word! We will get there, slow but sure!!

~Nicki

Hmm..

Today is Danny's 29th birthday! LOL we're getting old around here! I found several gray hairs on my head.. EEK! They will promptly get plucked.. I refuse to dye my hair lol cause I like my hair color!


So I think me and Danny have finally decided to do adoption.. We are either going to do a home equity loan or a home equity line of credit. It just feels right.. I am happy with this home.. just wish it was a little bigger but for a family of 3 it will be just fine for now! We can add on or something LOL! Just need to fix up a few things before we take that leap.. IE finish my cabinets , bathroom and redo the porch. Those are the major things and then of course.. always need a fresh coat of paint! I REALLY would like new carpet.. but we will see LOL. Someone throw  a HUGE deal on it please!!!

Anyways.. Danny asked me about IVF.. I said I want to do it again.. but right now I just want a baby in my arms.. and adoption is a guarantee. Somewhere down the road, if it doesn't happen naturally we will do IVF again. Adoption just feels right.. and I know we will not have any problem or any one in my family for that matter, Spoiling that baby to death and loving it with all our hearts!! I just want to share the love and everything else my heart is aching to share with another little human being that needs to be nurtured, loved and taught!


That is where we are right now and feel pretty good about it right now. It just feels right.   Almost like I'm being called to start my family this way first. So now we just have to get our duckies in a row and get everything straightened out around the house so it looks presentable LOL then send in the application and get approved for what ever amount they will give us :) of course we have to find the right bank with the right rate LOL. Its not going to happen super fast I will say that! We have our trip coming up in September so around there is when we will get everything going *hopefully* because we don't want to get a call before our trip saying come get your baby! We were told by the guy we talked to that we would probably get picked fast because of our age, I can only hope! But I do know it takes a while to get everything together and approved so I will gladly wait any amount of time!

~Nicki

Days like these...

I hate.. I know its Easter and I shouldn't be sad that I don't have kids or any one to celebrate with. But I can't help but be.. I wish I had a little one to explain why we celebrate Good Friday and Easter, to watch the joy on their face while they hunt eggs and see what the Easter Bunny brought them.. and dress up in our Sunday best.

I fear I will never know those days.. I've almost come to terms.. I'm not to have kids in this time of my life. Which really hurts.. All I want is one child to love. I'm not a horrible person.. I work for everything I own, and I may not have the richest bank account ever... but I have what I need and can provide. Danny the same. I just don't understand... I wish something could make me understand.

It's Rocky's 1st birthday today.. Can't imagine life with out him. Any of my furbabies for that matter.

The weather is always nice on Days I work and crappy on days I don't work.. except today.. but I can't find to bring myself outside...Need to get the garden up and going but of course the tiller we got from Jeff.. isn't working. Thinking of taking Wed off.. even tho its supposed to Snow tomorrow. Hope it just rains. I don't like working outside by myself.. Hardly seen Danny lately due to different schedules and such, he has Wed, Thursday this week.

Also.. apparently while ovulating. supposedly anyways... I hold almost 4 lbs of water weight.. UGH.I was so frustrated to say the least! But Its all gone now plus almost 2 more lbs. So down almost 8! Happy with that.. sucks that I only can do one month of it!

Well gotta go eat something, April wants me to come over in a little bit :)

~Nicki

Nutrisystem and other things

No I am not being paid by Nutrisystem to say anything about their product!

I started last Tuesday with what my mom gave me.. and then decided hey this isn't bad and doesn't taste horrible! So I think I decided on Wed I would like to order it for my self since they were running a free shipping and 40% off :). We got a pretty good MyShare bonus this time so I paid for it with that!  I can't wait for it to come it.. Should be here tomorrow!! I've lost 4.2 lbs in almost a week :)!! Excited to see how much I loose in a month!! I did cheat some yesterday but not overboard.. got to every once in a while!

Also.. if you knew me in real life.. you know I haven't gone more than a day without soda.. Now I don't go overboard.. like drinking big gulps of the stuff.. I drink at least one soda a day.. Maybe 2! But I have gone 5 days with out drinking it.. Now I rely on my 1 coffee a day LOL which I didn't even have today!

So in other words I'm pretty excited!

I'm itching to get outside more and get the garden going.. of course the weather has to be a butthead and not cooperate.  We did tame the grape vine the other day before we had to go to work.

Finally got the 3rd season of the Tudors :) exciting. Watching the first episode before I start vacuuming the house.. Lets not even go there LOL.

I'm sure there is more to say but I'm distracted and need to get this house cleaned.

~Nicki

Rough times...

Just wanted to let you all know who ever reads this :) I'm still here.. Most of Feb and March have been rough. This whole baby thing has gotten me really depressed and angry.. as well as my weight.. I'm stuck and cannot get out of the mud.

My mom gave me  a week worth of Nutrisystem Sucess.. So we will see how that goes and I might order a month worth myself.. So far the food actually isn't bad! The Chocolate Chocolate chip muffin I had for breakfast was pretty darn tasty. I had my first egg since November (when I was stimming) and cross your fingers so far so good.

Its been pretty hectic around here.. redoing another bath, trying to keep my house..from um falling to shambles.. right now it looks like dog hair, paper and clothes explosion. Don't judge. Depression makes you not wanna do squat.

Got outta the house yesterday and drove to Nebraska LOL went to Cabelas and spent money.. that we actually had it was pretty awesome LOL. We went with Mike and April :) Pretty good day.

We went from no money 8 days ago for Disney to almost 200!  Pretty sweet :) also got our tickets and meal plan yay!

I cannot wait for the warmer weather so I can start sprucing up my yard and flowerbeds. Its supposed to be 77 on Friday..

I have way more to say but am out of time! Hope to update SOON when I find some motivation and time!

~Nicki