Holy Mood Swings..*edited*

I'm a bear to live with right now.. Poor Danny :( I don't know where its coming from! We aren't TTC.. so where is all the stress coming from !!? Ugh.. I am just feeling so out of sorts.. Still no AF.. I'm almost on CD 40.. EEK! Haven't had a long cycle like that since.. forever. I was due around the 22nd usually one or 2 days off. I have no feelings of her coming either.. No headaches.. nothing. Had some cramping but nothing happened.. We did the deed today.. Curious to see if that gets the boat going.. Because I  really wanna get the blood work boat moving..

Heres the thing.. I'm thinking we haven't had a whole lotta sex this month to me just being 'blah' I'm like there is no way I could possibly be preggo.. I have absolutely NO symptoms.. that I'm aware of.. I looked at my Womany Log calendar ( yeah I keep track, with my horrible memory LOL) CD 5,9 and 18. we had sex. Ovulation forcast was supposedly the next day( Jan 8th).. Didn't do OPKs nothing. I thought I ovulated sometime the week after that due to all the CM I was having.. Like.. GOBS. But we didn't do anything. Does it even seem possible for me to be preggo?? I have no clue.. I have no tests.. but will probably go get some after I watch Chloe this afternoon.. and see what happens.. Totally not holding my breath.. Honestly . I think I have a cyst, which is where I think the random pain and cramping is coming from on my left side.

Sooo.. Thats about it.. other than me just feeling completely not myself.  BLAH.


Sooo.. I spent the afternoon at Mike and Aprils watching Chloe. And then spent some time talking to Aprill cause both the hubbys are at work and we do nothing but sit at home bored... She said that her and Mike are expecting number 2.. she's almost 10 weeks.. They got pregnant the same time we did IVF.. Hello Low ball to the Ovaries. Sure I'm happy but at the same time.. so so very sad :(  Also..another blow to my pathetic ovaries.. BFN on the preggo test. As I figured.

If I don't start in a few days i'll call Jodie and see what I can do.. Maybe she can get me provera. UGH.

~Nicki

Exhausted, Animals and a Floor.

So.. I've been taking my supplements and metformin for almost a month. I'm not feeling any different.. The only thing I noticed was I had a ton of CM.. on no Idea what CD LOL. Which.. We haven't even had sex since the 1st week of January.. Totally been BLAH on that front. I was hoping my energy would pick up.. but it comes in spurts.. there are some days i'm like yeah lets get this done! And others i'm like do I have to do that?? I really want AF to show up soon so I can get my blood work done.. I'm SOOO hoping it reveals something...Like.. banking on it. I really hope something is making a difference...

  I'm taking 100 mg of CoQ10, 5,000 mg of Biotin (for my hair hoping it stops!) , 5,000 i.u of Vitamin D , Prenatal, and Metformin.. I take the Vit D, my Zyrtech, and 2 Biotin in the AM after breakfast.. at lunch I take 2 horsepills.. CoQ10, and Prenatal and 1 biotin.. Ugh I hate huge pills.. Dinner is the worst with 3.. yes THREE Huge metoformin pills and 2 more biotin. It only took me a week to get up to my 3 pills of metformin, didn't have any huge side effects which was nice. now lets hope its doing something. But the huge pills.. UGH. Hate. Hate it! But I will do it if it brings me closer to baby :)


Now.. As for my animals.. Rocky weighs 62 POUNDS.. Seems like a lot huh? Only he looks anorexic LOL  Guess he's a puppy full of muscle! Vet said he looks very healthy and of course is healthy :) But 62 lbs!?! His head has to weight at least 20 lol. Its empty up there hahah, such a stubborn puppy! Wrangler.. he is 6 now.. and still driving us nuts.. he's been kennel bound.. after  a long stint of not being in it. Up until we got Rocky he would only get in the trash when it was pretty much full. Now.. its EVERY TIME. So he is in his kennel until I get a new Trashcan. The Kitties.. I got them a 'diet food' It seems like they are eating it even faster than the old food!  Bean is pretty petite and very over weight, she is the only one. Hopefully it helps.

I really need to clean my kitchen floor.. I almost like carpet better.. It sucks.. I have to vacuum first.. then mop it.. Only I still push hair around!! Its SOO frustrating!! Ugh.. Haven't mopped it in a while, but have vacuumed. Dread.. I wish there was a magic machine that picked up hair and mopped at the same time.

I guess thats about it...I really want to have sex but I'm so not in the mood for it. Ugh. Stupid broken female hormones.

~Nicki

Miss Mash.

I have no idea what i'm going to write about.. but its been a few days.. So Sorry if this is all over the place!!

I just split coffee all over the end table.. and discovered we need a new DVD cabinet cause the one I have is full. IKEA was out the last time I went. Boo. I got it all over my Burpee seed and plant catalog.. :(  I need to order a few new seeds that we don't carry at work!

I am super excited for spring.. I'm going to have grass in my backyard if it kills me!!! I will escort the dogs out if I have to, so there is no digging or getting thru blockages for keeping the seedlings safe!

The whole weight loss thing is a stand still.. I cannot get past 229. It varies 2 lbs up to 231 and then back down to 229.. So going to be a little more aggressive next week with working out and eating. Its making me mad.. but I'm just happy i'm not back up to 245!

And I keep getting distracted by the DIY channel LOL and I can't remember what else I was gonna write So.. I'm still alive.. very slow at work.. and trying to be more active and not sit at the computer all day! I will have a real update soon!

~Nicki

Ugh.. Just UGH

So I started metformin.. No real side effects.. besides gas.. and the ones NOT mentioned on the sheet.. I have excessive hunger for SWEET things and my blood sugar was all screwy for a few days.. That was not fun. The excessive hunger has not gone away.. OMG.. it is NOT helping the whole weight issue and is reflecting on the scale.. SOB.  Needless to say I am not a happy camper.. hope it doesn't last too long I'm up to 2 pills now, started tonight.. Have to get up to 3. Really hoping everything subsides after I'm on the 3 pills and used to it.

So... My co-workers think i'm pregnant...!?!?!?!?!? Just because i'm having these cravings.. for things like Fruity Pebbles and 8:45 at night.. does NOT mean i'm pregnant.. just freaking hungry for shit from this medicine!! Nor does my incessant hair loss mean i'm pregnant either!! I just had a period  on the 21st of December.. I'm in the middle of my freaking cycle!! I had a BLOOD TEST thats Said NOPE sorry your 16 grand for IVF didn't work.  Pretty fucking sure i'm not pregnant. I don't care if you have some form of  'pregnancy guswabba' that you know someone is preggo before they do.. Sorry after 4 1/2 years of this shit.. I don't buy it.  I seriously wanted to  SCREAM.

Which by the way.. this whole hair loss thing.. needs to like end. Like. Now. I have lost so much hair.. I goggled it and came up with some weird term for rapid loss of hair.. and did not like what I found.. I pray that this reverses and I get my hair back. I'm summing it up to stress, shock to my body from all the IVF meds.. and Birth Control.. anyone of these things can cause sudden loss of hair.. But its pretty scary seeing the difference in your hair.. Not being as thick.. falling out in more than 50 strands at a time. I can see a difference and feel it. I am so sad  :(. I'm praying that my blood test that I will get done soon.. as soon as AF shows up again, it will either reveal something.. if not and it doesn't slow down.. I'm calling a dermatologist.


Ugh.. End rant and sadness.. Off to bed before I eat the couch..

~Nicki

WTF appt and other things!

So we had our WTF appt.. Basically they only thing we could come up with.. was timing issue or egg quality issue.

So if we were to do IVF again she said we would tweak my meds and stimming time, and hold back trigger by 1 hour just to give the follicles more time to mature and automatically do ICSI.

I asked her about going back to IUIs since we have had success on our first one, with Femera. She agreed :)

SO we're going backwards. But first we are getting healthy and loosing as much weight as possible! I'm just taking my CoQ10, vitamin D, a multi vitamin, and going back on metformin! Nothing will hurt or kill me LOL

Danny is taking Fertility blend for men and a vitamin to help with his joints and back. We are both trying to start working out. I did the elliptical today, just for 10 min but its a start! I will gradually go up :) I haven't worked out since Rocky was a puppy so 9 months ago.. aside from walks and working.

Also I got order to go to the lab on day 3 to recheck everything, thyroid  cholesterol and  other things. Hopefully it will shed some light on the hair loss symptom i've been having.. Ugh.. its really starting to get to me :(. But gotta wait till mid month for my cycle to roll back around.

I'm having daily headaches.. they feel like sinus headache, I have no symptoms of sinus but a runny nose!! So I have no idea where they are coming from.. I really hope its not a side effect of CoQ10...

I had more to say but I can't remember as I have a headache now and I need to take a shower and get ready for work..

~Nicki

SO Overwhelmed!!!!

OMG.. The emotions I have been experiencing the past week have been nothing short of ridiculous. Happy, Upset, Stressed, Can't concentrate, just plain old completely OVERWHELMED.

I don't have any clue what my next step is.. we are for adoption, but I'm still a little reserved. But am willing to proceed.. I think it's because I'm not totally over having my own child. My whole thing is if we go thru with adoption.. can we still try?? Of course we can, but my brain thinks we can't.. so I need to get over it!

With the WTF fast approaching Monday, I have a slew of questions to ask.. some of which are probably not even worth asking.. But.. yeah. I want to know if we can go backwards!  Weird huh? We conceived on our first ever IUI with Femera.. If my problem is egg quality.. It helps.. cause you don't develop so fast as you do with injectables.  I'm also taking my CoQ10.. which the pills are GINORMOUS by the way. I'm going to order DH Fertility Blend for me, because well it can't hurt.  I don't know. I just want it to be here so I can get some answers!!!

My mom wants me to get a 2nd opinion.. while I would love one.. I have no where to go.. CCRM ( one of the leading clinics in the US) yeah I live where they are located...but they do not and will not accept my insurance. They will not even bill them. Even tho I have Diagnostic coverage! So Frustrating. That is the only place I would even think of going for a 2nd opinion. Because they are the next best thing next to a university clinic.. don't you think?  UGH.


Now That I have made my self get another tension headache.. I'm off to get ready for work and bang my head on a wall.

~Nicki

I hate headaches.

I have been waking up with headaches for what seems like forever.. Wearing a  mouth guard helps a little but I can only wear it so long before I start getting sensitivity issues. Ugh.. I've tried new pillows high, low, soft and firm.. They all help for just a little bit. SO I don't know what to do!


I just hope that loosing weight and getting healthy will help. I can say I only gained 3 or 4 lbs over the holidays.. I think that in itself is AMAZING. I will not complain. Back on track as of yesterday and need to start bringing exercise into the mix :) There is a thing I want to get at work its a Belly Butt and Thigh thing from weight watchers. So I can do that with the elliptical and Jillian's 30 Day Shred (when I want a serious work out LOL)

Water... There are days I drink a ton.. then there are days like yesterday, I drank almost nothing! Sometimes water just doesn't taste good, but I can't have flavored stuff at work. Boo. Just need to force myself to do it.

I'm also excited for Biggest Looser :) I plan on working out while I watch it!! Instead of eating junk, like we usually did! I'm going to stick to this as long as I need to. I really hope I see changes soon, of course not in the first week but over a few months :).

Sticking to it no matter what it takes!! Of to go make lunch and get ready for work :)

~Nicki