Never enough...

Time in  a month, week, year to accomplish what you want too! Sorry for the Hiatus.. kinda needed. We have been trying to keep busy, i'll try to recap everything that has happened since September...!

I seriously cannot believe it is December.. After Disney, where we had a blast with my family!!! Getting to spend time with my brother, sister and her family plus my mom and dad was a blast! It had  been too long, I wanna go back now.. but it will be a few years till our next visit! Of course..my period showed up.. and I forgot to pack enough necessary items.. I will say.. tampax.. in cardboard applicators.. OMG Worst ever. Travel on the way back was a disaster.. Almost like our trip down on our honeymoon stuck  for 10 hours in  Dallas.. Only this time.. We never left Orlando.. Because that was the day someone caught the air traffic control center on fire in Chicago.
   We had boarded the plane, luggage and ALL. Only to be told to deboard as well as our luggage.. and go to the help desk to try and get another flight..no one is going thru Chicago.. AWESOME. That took about and hour.. only our lady didn't pay attention and our next flight plane was coming FROM Chicago.. Delay number 1,2,3 and 4. We were supposed to leave Orlando at 8 am.. we had been up since 4:45am? We left Orlando around 4:30pm, yeah for real. We miss BOTH the connecting flights  she gave us.. the last seriously by 5 MINUETS. We were put on a standby flight to Denver... Mind that our car is in Colorado Springs..that plane was to leave at 9pm.. we prayed that we would get on. Thank god we did.. Danny's mom came and got us in Denver.. drove us to Springs airport and we got our car and drove home.. Got home at 2am. Ugh.. Then got up the next day and got our luggage in springs lol.

   October just kinda flew by.. Danny's grandmother passed away.. that took all of October.. hardly ever home. Had a serious Indian summer... its still going.. Been in the 60s :( ! We had a potential placement... it fell thru. We started attending a church and we love it! We go to life group on Tuesdays  and just enjoy it very much :) its so nice to have support and someone to go to when we need some help with anything! I had my pap.. and then talked about anxiety.. and started some medicine for that.. cause I had enough.. thankfully its a low dose and not an antidepressant. So far so good, of course some anxiety is still there, but it's so much better!  That about sums up October, very BLAH and Drama filled to say the least.

November.. My brother came for Thanksgiving. which was wonderful :) our visit wasn't long enough :(. He deploys again in January for his 3rd deployment over seas.  Work was crazy busy and exhausting...We got a call for a placement.. a new born and a 4 year old.. Yeah... We said yes.. and then it just was NOT going to work.. She was terrified of Rocky.. Sorry they are my babies too... I am not the type of person to shove them outside or leave them in a kennel all day.. Because she's fine when he is in there.. Nope sorry.. ( she had been bit by a dog and his exciting nature scared her to the point of screaming tears and running from him) She was A OK with Wrangler.. cause he's old and gentle.. Rocky is 2 1/2 years old full of puppy. Also.. my anxiety went thru the roof.. like physically ill anxiety.. NO sleep at all that night.. for the fact I don't know how to parent a 4 year old.. Infant.. I can learn with them, 4 yr old's already have some sort of routine and language barriers.. Ugh. Yeah we were a mess. This brought up a host of problems that me and danny are trying to work thru!  The lord said they were not to be our kiddos... Back to square one. Not much else but running errands and all the normal things.. don't think we had but two days at home that month LOL

And then BAM December.. Wait what!?!  Yeah holy moly.. Christmas shopping will be done  Tuesday... and then I need to start baking my goodies.. cause um year i'm gonna loose my mind LOL The month is quickly passing.. We will get our tree Tuesday too lol We just got decorated... I don't know where this year has gone.  Gotta get packages in  the mail.. and I don't think were doing Christmas cards again this year.. But that isn't the end of the world.. Although it seems like it sometimes! We will survive.. If only I could find a company that will print address on the envelopes LOL!

That's all for now! Off to go order furbabies Christmas presents...!

~Nicki

Official.

We are finally licensed foster parents in the State of Colorado! Only took forever!! So excited and nervous.. we will hopefully get a placement after coming back from vacation :) or it could take another few months.. all depends on what situations arise!!

I am quite frankly going bonkers.. Work tomorrow and then we're off and i'm super grouchy.. Aunt Flo is bound to show up any day.. Hows that for vacation!!?!?  UGH. oh well.. such is life.. I just want to go!  Right now.. Its bed for me because i'm so tired.

~Nicki

PS:I have lots to say but no brain function to do so.. an update blog soon I hope!

Umm Hello September??

I had totally planned on blogging more in August.. and then September showed up! Holy cow this year is flying by, it's insane! We go on vacation in 15 days.. Ugh that is one thing that can't come fast enough!!

Our home study should be finalized very soon. I think we have one more meeting with Mick and then when we get back should just be waiting for placement!! Eek!

Other than that the weeks have flown by between keeping the house clean for showings, the garden, and working! I've been flat out tired lately.. work is just boring and my mornings are busy before I go to work!

So right now.. I'm off to bed!  My work schedule lately is all out of whack.

~Nicki

Getting Nervous!

I feel like we arr coming to the end of an adoption process if you will ! We have 2 more home study dates, tomorrow and then the next monday.. Yikes! Our one one interviews are tomorrow.. gah! We literally have almost everything.. like if we were get a placement tomorrow or miraculously get pregnant.. we'd be all set.. except for a bath, medicines, diapers and like butt paste lol!  I have clothes for both girls and boys.. in almost all sizes up too about 2t, I have bath toys, pacifiers, bottles, a boppy, playmat.. everything I could think of!!

There is no doubt in my mind any kiddo that comes into our home will be loved and spoiled as if it were our own.. I most defiantly have some fears.. cause it will be SO sudden that everything will change... I hope we smooth on in with a few bumps to be expected .. I think we will get a placement after we come back from Disney.. money wise I don't think a place ticket that soon before going will be feasible for us money wise :/ But if it comes down to it.. we will make it happen :). I'm just scared that nothing will work out day care wise and everything will fall apart at the seams.. Ugh. gonna have to sit down with hubby and go over everything again.. not to mention have to get our questions prepared before we say yes to any placement!  ( We can ask questions to make us feel good about the placement, type of abuse, siblings, handicaps, allergies etc)

JUST SO NERVOUS!!! I have no one to ask about anything.. everyone thinks the first placement we get will be our forever kiddo.. It doesn't always happen that way! Its a long process..I hope we are prepared for it, Guess i shouldn't say hope.. We ARE prepared for it.. Now If I can stop this shopping spree I'm on ;).. Needless to say.. Um The UPS man probably hates me LOL!

~Nicki

Ahh!

So we will be doing the first part of our Homestudy TOMORROW. GAH! And the finally out of no where were getting some where! Now i'm all nervous and such, hoping I have everything to get started... Which I'm sure I do.. ordered a few things, that I think I need LOL which I'm sure not all of them I do.. Lets see

-Receiving blankets ( the price for some of this stuff.. like 2 blankets.. for 31 dollars WTF?)
-Bottles I went with Playtex ventaire.. Avent I kept reading had tons of leaking issues. But got a set so multiple sizes!
-Bottle drying rack
-Play mat :) bought a little Einstein one can be for either sex and was one of the only ones I like had lots to take on and off :)
-Health and safety kit
-Nose sucker that you can actually clean! I've seen the insides of the bulb ones after the get cut open.. yuck. So this is a bulb but screws open and closed for easy cleaning!

That was on Amazon ( its evil :) )

I also used the $100 gift card my brother got us for Christmas since it was just sitting around..I don't shop there much!

I got a few more outfits in sizes I don't have ( Major clearance woo!) 3 girl outfits and 3 boy outfits, boppy pillow and 3 toys ! All for under 100 bucks cause I'm loving sale stuff lately!

This weekend I took all the tags and washed all the clothes i've accumulated over the last 6 years.. it was little sad..but happy at the same time.. hoping to get to see a little one in them soon :)!

The house hunt.. is well the house hunt.. Ugh.. Seriously every house I like.. literally goes under contract the night before or 30 min after we look at it.. Like.. Not kidding.. Good thing we have one lined up.. Possibly! Its not on the market! They work with an investor so he would fix some stuff and we would get first dibs!! Crossing my fingers on that one! Well off to go water the garden since its not going to rain..

~Nicki

A rough go...

Lately I have been struggling with infertility lately.. its really biting at me to start trying again. We just never have the stupid money to try.. I'm thinking of switching insurance.. to see if there is better coverage out there. I also want a second opinion.. I really love my RE and the nurse staff.. they are so nice.. its been over a year since we did any sort of treatment.. we did one IUI after the failed IVF. It was of course a no go.. and then we just stopped.. we haven't even TRIED to get preggo.. and still nada.

We are just almost a week away from out 7 year anniversary.. It seems soo crazy that we have been married almost 7 years.. it seems like we are in a rut.. its been just us 2 for 8 years... we have gained one furbaby that hasn't been with us since we have been together.. all of my other animals are 7 or older.. I really want to share the feeling of family with him.. our own little family. After finishing the nursery all I can think about is how I want no one else but our baby in that nursery.. I'm sure I will feel differently when we get a placement.. if that ever happens. But right now.. with it empty that is how I feel.

I'm feeling lost.. I don't know what direction to go... do I get a second opinion now.. or just wait and let my ovaries get older and unused?? I want nothing more that to carry just ONE child.. Just one. Its all I want and nothing more.. I guess its too much to ask of anyone..

I really feel that something is wrong.. and which is why I feel strongly about a 2nd opinion.. Maybe I just need to go for it?? I'm loosing hair again.. not as bad but its noticeable.. I'm all of a sudden having a psoriasis break out, totally out of the blue they just started appearing.

The house hunt is no where near over.. we've had 3 people look at it.. no offers.. we have one tomorrow.. we think we have found our house.. but the bedroom size is the only thing that bugs me, everything else is perfect. Of Course. It is not on the market our realtor works with a couple of investors and one bought that house.. so he would fix what we wanted fix new carpet, paint etc. and of course what we want done.. and in our budget.. Both have been out of town and we haven't heard anything yet.. maybe tomorrow. I guess I should go clean for tomorrow and catch up on some shows!

~Nicki

Working on my tan....

So to speak.. Today was weeding day  out in the garden.. Didn't get the front ones done but hey tomorrow is another day.. A lot has happened since my last post.. its been crazy.


We should be done with our training by now.. but um we kinda hit a speed bump. We put our house on the market. Yeah.. Basically we had been toying with the idea forever but nothing was moving.. and all of a sudden.. BAM House market starts moving.. so the ball went rolling! We had several projects to finish and declutter the house... omg I was having panic attacks and stress out the wazoo, So much so that my hair started falling out again :/ Such is life.

 I feel like we do everything backwards.. Now everyone is asking WHY we put it on the market.. Don't get me wrong I LOVE our house.. But its just to small there is no extra space for storage because we don't have a garage.. only the shed. If it comes down to it we will stay here and pay off our 2nd and then refi and put a garage in. It was a now or never kinda thing. So we just did it. If  it sells it sells if it doesn't its just meant we are supposed to be here longer! Plus I got a finished nursery out of it :).
   We put it on the market at the first of June.. and haven't had one single one single person look at it. Kinda disheartening... But I guess time will tell..

We are very close to starting the home study process.. our certification worker wants us certified by the end of next month.. We literally have to initial some packets and get our physicals turned in and then we can start... Honestly i'm scared to death.. I hardly have anything we need, toys, clothes and im sure a bunch of other little things!! Yeah.. ensue more panic there. I know everything will come together its just a matter of time. I'm worried about things like child care and how that will all come together.. me and Danny are hardly ever gonna see each other because of different days off so we can cover child care.. Ugh.. I guess this is normal for parents?

I just have to keep saying to myself.. this is the path that we are meant to go on, when the path changes is only up to the lord :).

Thats whats been up in our neck of the woods.. Crazy.. work and life is a crazy journey.. and we are learning more everyday to say the least! I'm dealing with a super annoying immature co worker lately.. OMG whole 'nother subject there!  To say the least i'm always sure there is more to put in the post but I can't think of any LOL but this should bring you up to speed :)

~Nicki

PS: 35 days till vacation in July and 96 days to  Disney World!

Yes I'm alive...

Just very busy with this thing we call life!


~Still doing training for Foster.. is only took them forever to get it to us and get everything situated... omg.. They were 'changing' things at the department.. thanks for the heads up.. guess its a taste of things to come.

~Doing CPR class this next wed.. Woo?

~Still getting crap done around house.. talked to a realtor..about maybe selling.. its still up in the air.. but doesn't look feesable .. We have out grown this house.. I have literally gone thru all of my belongings and everything I have.. I want to keep.. We need a garage hands down. But we're broke go figure.

~Have everything for the nursery just need to put it together.. Wishing it was for our own... Feeling pretty upset about that lately but I guess its normal..

~Wishing I could be doing treatments.. maybe soon?

~We literally spent all weekend outside.. it was beautiful.. PS: Grass in garden beds suckkkssss.

~Garden is planted and flower beds look pretty! Tree is trimmed lol.. Junk mostly hauled off!

~Disney in 138 days or so!  So busy.. life is defiantly getting in the way of all things :)


~Nicki

PS: Pretty sure i've missed a bunch! Hope a real update soon!!

For Real...

Seriously. I'm kind of glad that I am no longer friends with Stacey. I think she has gone off the deep end.. I am almost NEVER on twitter. The one time I decide to look around on it.. I see the lovely comment about How a certain someone should stop trying to get to her son through her family and to stay the fuck away..  Well here's and interesting thing. I Ran into her sister the same day she posted this.. all I said was Hi how are you ( being courteous) and then I went back up to her.. cause well I thought her sister was nice.. and asked her next time she sees Gideon to give him a hug and kiss from us.. cause well we miss him!

Yeah... I don't even know why she would say that... I haven't even talked to her in almost 2 years.. how am I trying to get to him?? I swear. Drama must be needed in order to function. I don't need drama.. I like to be drama free.. Plumbing issues are the extent of all the drama I need in my life. Thank you very much.

So frustrating that she wouldn't even talk to me after the whole ordeal if you would even call it that.. That's what makes me mad the most. It was all one sided because of that bitch that thought she knew everything.

Need to move on and not have this kept being brought up in my life.. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change that.. I have a loving husband, a roof over my head and my fur babies and family that love me for me and that's all that matters.

As some people say my hands are washed of this. If I ever run into anyone from her family I will just ignore them.. if they try to reach out.. I'll just ignore that to.

Kinda glad we keep to ourselves most of the time! Its clearly needed!

~Nicki

We've been busy...

To say the least... We have a new shed for one! We started it on February 17th... we JUST finished it last weekend.. Like seriously.. it took FOREVER. Way longer than we wanted.. all thats left is to organize the inside and bring the Christmas out so a munchkin can have a closet :)

 Here's a couple photos!

 The walls.. We thought we were saving time by reusing the side walls.. Come to find out that our shed was 2 5ft sheds put together.. This house I swear.

 Almost all done painting :) and non leaning shed!  Nice and Sturdy :)

 Our deck is finally finished! Just have to stain it when the weather cooperates....Love it!

This was last summer when we did the base of the deck! 

 We found a bunch of stuff under the deck.. including about 20lbs of pink aquarium rocks.

 It was in pretty rough shape.. none of the wood used was pressure treated.. Which is like a no no. 

Anyways.. Happy that the major projects that will affect our home study is all done :) Now just a bunch of little stuff..Painting the nursery and putting down baseboards.. we finally found pieces to match out laminate floor to separate from the carpet.. can't think of the name.

So we haven't heard anything back from the girls at DHS... so hope all is going well. Will be calling on Monday and seeing when we can get some more class materials... We have core classes on Friday and Saturday.. and I need to get set up for CPR. So much left to do!

We are going up to my parents tomorrow because my Sister , Brother in Law and the kids are in town!! So we will stay 3 days up there and Danny's sister will stay here with the fuzzies. Pretty excited cause i'm on vacation for 10 whole days. So needed.. September was my last one!  Too long. As soon as I see how much vacation I get this year i'm putting in for July and September and then i'll probably take one after the new year since I *hopefully* get 3 weeks this year.. depending on average of hours worked.

Right now its currently snowing... and my sinuses are draining which is making me cough and have a scratchy throat... So i'm gonna veg out and find some dinner! Hope you all are well in Blog land!

Just to let you know...

I'm still alive we've been super busy....4 weeks of working outside rebuilding a shed.. Crazy.


All of our paper work is turned in, finger prints done and background check in the works!!!

More soon :) vacation is less than a week away!!!

~Nicki

Random things...

I'm bored.. since I got off at 8 I guess I could update this. Feeling a little unmotivated lately to write.. So a little bit of bullets and maybe a few sentences hahah! Oh and it will probably be all over the place!


~Rocky is turning into such a good boy :) I sat on the floor the other night and didn't get mauled! Except for being Licky Mc Lickerson. He must lick everything!

~Wrangler.. is turning into Mr. Old and Senile...! He is starting not to listen anymore and thinks that he can do everything brother can't.. Dork. Sorry buddy equal treatment here hahah!

~The Kitties.. are being the kitties..not much to report on them!

~ We started cleaning crap.. I was just over it! Everything we were keeping got boxed up and put in the closet, if it wasn't it got sold or thrown out! We got rid of the desk... we just didn't use it. It was huge and bulky.. we can get another if we need one.. although it will be smaller LOL!

~Our couches.. we hate them.. No more squishy couches in this house! Looking at a sectional.. this one is already falling apart and springs are coming out! UGH. Not impressed. New couches and a recliner are in our future.

~Officially done with One Main Financial!

~Disney World 2014 is a GO! We are praying that a munchkin gets to go to!! We will not be purchasing a dining plan this time around.. saving for all food purchases :) looks like it will be the way to go because we will have a full kitchen in the room so breakfast will be eaten there! Except maybe one day.. I will have Mickey waffles ;)

~Probably going Monday to get Finger prints and background done :) ! Need to finish our autobiographies too.

~Umm.. I've gone a little crazy.. With buying things LOL.. We have a crib.. $79 bucks.. down from 168.. And its convertible! Convertible car seat.. was 99 bucks.. got it for 40!! (its for the truck) Got our Travel system (stroller and carseat and base) with BRU trade in event! So on sale there too! Crazy! And other things.. clothes.. and a diaper bag :). Trying not to feel guilty about it.. I know I shouldn't.. but its WEIRD.. Like SUPER DUPER WEIRD!

~So ready to get the new shed up.. looks like we may have a few weeks *crossing fingers* of nice weatehr ahead!

So anyways.. can't remember if I mentioned.. the girl who went with us on our first appt with DHS. Did I mention she was crazy?  She was totally going to do this for the money and just show off the kid..I wanted to smack her.. OH.. and she wanted to get preggo at the SAME TIME!!!! Did I mention she's single? I just didn't understand.. like make my brain hurt. She said we should do our baby showers together.. I was like Um NO. I've waited this long to have one of my OWN.. you are not sharing in that! Tons of people are so happy for us and all want to throw me a shower! Everyone is so happy for us, which makes me feel so loved and overjoyed :).
   Yesterday.. she came up to me and said that she is leaving May 1st and is getting married May 9th. Umm.. Ok? Apparently she is getting back together with her ex boyfriend. She told me she was sorry she couldn't do foster to adopt with us.. (SIGH OF RELIEF) but she doesn't know why she would want to parent some other persons kid anyways... <<< EXACT WORDS. Seriously. Wow really? BUT you are going to be a step mom.. Um can we say calling the kettle black? She is just ALL over the place.. and today she is all i'm getting cold feet yadda yadda.. Of course you are because you have no idea what you want!  She says he's going to give his answer on Saturday.. so umm.. you proposed? She doesn't want to 'uproot' her self and move all the way to Alaska, but yet she loves him..  OMG.. its all so crazy.. She is so self centered and selfish.

Me and Danny have tried for so very long and wanted this so much.. We feel so very blessed having this wonderful support system and cannot wait for our journey to end with a munchkin in our home and hearts!

I guess she sounds crazy to me.. because we know what infertility it is.. and what it means to go thru it.. we still are, but we are at a different place now.  I probably sound horrible for saying this.. but she just isn't meant to be a mom.. She offered for be a surrogate.. just so she could help her self with her enodmetriosis. To me.. she just wants to be a mom to say she's a mom.. Me and Danny want to give  a child unconditional love and teach right from wrong and give compassion to other people and many other qualities you teach a human being.

That is all for now.. sorry its kinda long.. guess I had a lot to say :)

~Nicki

Continuing...

So anyways.. I feel like we are all over the place!! We started filling out paperwork, Danny got all upset over the fact that some of the stuff they need to know... oh well. So there's that. We will fill out some more this weekend :)

Last weekend we went up to Springs, because I needed work pants.. and we wanted to stop at a few places and price baby items. We picked out the Travel system we want, of course.. its not the cheapest but its not the most expensive either! The crib we want is at Wally World its a Broyhill.. the thing about cribs.. there are 500 colors and about 7 different styles that all vary just a smidge.. So why spend 500 bucks or more on a crib that I can get the same one at Wally for 199 and then my discount? Yeah lol its a convertible one just like all the others! So anyways.. we put the bedding on layaway (its Pooh of course :) ) I feel like we are going all over the place! We need to be doing stuff around the house.. but I just want to get everything!

Oi.. LOL Its just crazy this might really be happening! Everything will fall into place I'm sure, its just overwhelming right now.

I feel like everyone is happy for us (well I know they are) But everyone has told me.. people will buy us stuff.. where I don't think they will.. The first child we get  may not be the keeper. My mom really doesn't seem like she will get us anything.. apparently everything I'm picking out is too expensive.. maybe she just doesn't realize how expensive this stuff is??  But she feels like I shouldn't spend too much until we get our forever child? Well it could be the first one! Not to mention any child I have I will spoil rotten :) soo I dunno.. it just seems odd that someone would throw me a shower?  Maybe its just my brain..

Anyways.. there's another update :)

~Nicki

Nitty Gritty.

So.. lets get there.. down to the nitty gritty. We pretty much jumped in head first.. we had talked about it.. but a girl at work gave us the final push!

We are going to become certified foster parents with intent to adopt! Or you could just say Fost-adopt parents :)! We know its going to be a long road, but I don't think it will be as long as the one we're on now. We had a 2 hr. meeting yesterday with 2 DHS ladies, who were so nice! Needless to say it was  like brain overload and I had a huge headache ALL DAY.  I just wanted to sleep.  We got all the paper work to start filling it out and all the classes we need to do.. just have to set some up.

We decided we want just infants ( of course) Maybe later down the line a little older. I don't think we will do anything older than 2. So now..its a whirlwind to get everything we need together! She of course said it can go as fast and slow as we want it. Which is good lol. I'm going to try and stay grounded and keep myself together and not freak out going OMG this needs to be done etc.

So.. I've been looking at baby furniture and all the necessitates we will need to start.. (I'm sure i'll go over board) That's just my nature! The front and back porch are the first things to be done because of course they are SAFETY hazards.

Storage is another biggie I need a storage system in the cats room, were going to sell the huge computer desk and a few other things.

On the phone with my momma so i'll write more later :)

~Nicki

As good as time as any!

To reflect on the year... It was a relatively quiet year on all fronts.. Minus the floor and fires.. We got some things accomplished :)

~We have most of a front porch.. just needs rails then staining!
~ An almost completed spare bathroom just touch ups needed :)
~New carpet!
~No news on the baby front... just a quiet year paying off debts in that department.
~Silly puppy nonsense.. taking 2 vet trips this year for emergency purposes! He thought he needed to eat mole poison and have horrible no good awful come out of his bum.
~Getting the car fixed, and new tires.
~Trip to Disney!! And the start of planning another this September!
~My brother came home for this first time in 6 years for Christmas! We had a wonderful one by the way!

I'm sure there are lots of other little things.. its wasn't a terrible year.. but I do pray that it was the last one with out a little one... I'm not sad to see it go.. Let this new year be a good one filled with joy, peace, love and no hardships!

~Nicki