Can I go hide in a hole??

So since we got back everything has just gone down hill.. Danny works for Department of Justice.. which is part of the federal government.. So that means NO paycheck for us! Which really blows.. it comes at a rough time of year... we're just scraping by.. and then this whole baby boom..is just depressing. I just can't handle this anymore...

I'm over trying for a baby.. last month we had sex alot even on my fertile days and NOTHING... It just SUCKS.  Everyone else is getting pregnant and moving on and having more babies.. Just found or April is preggers with number 2.

This road just seems like its getting harder and harder, and uphill climb and were no where near the end.  We can't even start trying again because of the no money thing.. nothing in savings.. bad shape.. and its only going to get worse before it gets better. I just can't put it into words how frustrated I am and how I hurt..

I hurt all the time.. every time I see a baby and just wish I could have just one.. and give it my unconditional love.. I want to adopt so bad but we have no money to do that either..  I wish something would happen for the good.. we have been ready to be parents for over 5 years.. and in that 5 years we have barely had a glimmer of hope.. 1 positive pregnancy test and 1 miscarriage all in the same week.. I honestly don't know what we have done to deserve this.. I just wish I knew so we could change it..


~Nicki