What to say?

Well a friendship that i've had since being a freshman in HS.. that was in 2000. Has ended. At first I was hurt  as to how it happened then the events after the fact, made me angry to where I didn't care anymore. This person is Stacey.. who is my Godson's Gideon's mom. So I'm going to take a wild guess she doesn't think of me as such anymore.. But as far as I'm concerned you can't just revoke that title.


Basically I had a conversation with one of her 'so called friends' over some frustrations and anger that I was experiencing at the time about Stacey, that I eventually planned on talking to her about.. IN PERSON. But this girl took it upon her self to show her these conversations over her phone because she thinks being vindictive and having archived messages is the greatest thing ever for ruining lives.

 I hadn't a clue that this was happening.. But where is it HER prerogative tho show her those conversations? I don't know how they expected me to know what they were talking about and then expect me to apologize?  So instead of Stacey coming to ME and talking to ME about the problem she chose to believe everything Sam showed her without asking what really was going on. I don't think that is a very mature friendship.

I will admit some of the things I said was uncalled for.. but I was upset and frustrated.. At least for me.. If you are always complaining  you have no money.. but you go out and buy a $250 puppy? I think you should rethink what is going on. Not to mention if you think living in the country is a piece of cake.. when you wanted to get AWAY from the snow and move to Louisiana? Yeah.. Winter storms out there are FAR worse than where you were at to being with. But I can't tell you or give you any advice when you are too stubborn to receive it, she always did the opposite.

I am not a friend who will tell you how to live your life or raise your children. It is non of my business.. Am I wrong for thinking this way? If I have a major problem with something or someone.. trust me.. I will let you know. But if its minor  little things.. That eventually will blow over and you will realize what you did, then why should I mention anything about it? I guess my way of dealing with issues and problems aren't the same as everyone else's.

Her so called friend had the audacity to message me back before Stacey did either time. Saying things like i prevent her from having any female friends? Or that all I care about is my pride? Sorry sweetheart.. Far from that.. My friends are my world, instead of you saying ' Stacey I don't want to tell you what was said, you should ask Nicki' But instead you went behind my back and expected me to realize that all this was being said? Massive BS. So after a month of being ignored by you both I tried to figure out what was going on and everything blew up in my face.

I don't have to prove anything to anyone.. If no one wants to accept my apology then I'm over it.  It is not worth my time when someone wants to be so vindictive and immature, it sounds like someone OTHER than me doesn't want to her to have any friends. I have all the love, family and friends I need. I'm sure i'll make new ones along the way, but I sure as hell won't divulge any information even if I just need someone as neutral party. Learned my lesson on that one. My family and friends know i'm a good honest person and wouldn't have me any other way :) And that's the way I like it. I don't need to be fake, bitchy or anything like that to get my friends to like me.

It sucks, but it obviously wasn't a friendship that was meant to be lifelong. If she wants to talk somewhere down the line.. I'll talk but I don't think another friendship will ever come out of it.

Hopefully that wasn't all over the place and who ever reads it gets the gist :) But its my blog and I feel so much better getting this off my chest! I'm sure there was more I wanted to put in it.. Like horrible bad words LOL but I won't sink down to her level.. plus she didn't even get 2 words from me.. It wasn't a conversation between me and her but she tried to make it.

Life goes on :) and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

~Nicki