Too much.

Is going thru my head to make a conductive blog post.. Danny is gone for 3 weeks.. we are 3 .. at the end of today 4 days down.. Ugh.. I miss him and he misses me :( we haven't ever really been apart. So this is harder than I thought it was gonna be.

And my mind went blank.. hopefully this weekend I can get a decent post in here.. LOL

~Nicki

Don't know what is wrong..

I'm at a weird place right now.. I just feel weird... Danny got his Pera check yesterday.. $32,000 and some change. I can't believe it actually got here that fast and was more than we expected. I should be happy knowing that we will be saving over 900 dollars a month.. NOT paying debt... But I find my self stressed?? We are getting me a new car.. exactly what I want.. ordered from the factory no miles except what I put on it.. Crazy. I'm getting the Ford Edge. But at the same time I feel bad because I shouldn't be doing this..we should relish in having extra money a month.. We still will but.. you know.. we've never had over 600 sitting in the bank at one time... for over a week.. its weird.. to not be freaking out about money going 'Oh we only have 30 bucks to last us 2 weeks till I get pd'

   Yeah.. we went and bought our tile for the floor and the 180 bucks didn't break the bank. Because we still have money in their.. WEIRD. After living this way for almost 7 years.. its just plain WEIRD. Tomorrow we are getting up early.. depositing the check.. going to Pueblo to pay off One main and our Debt consolidation loan.. That in itself is almost 600 dollars a month in savings..  How on earth did we get there?  Crazy to think that we will only have one maybe 2  bills left after we pay off everything and get rid of my car. Of course we will still have house, cars and insurance and normal utility bills. I'm just in shock.. We can actually save up for things and do what we would like to do.. have a decent Christmas and actually AFFORD a Baby. Now.. we just need one.. That is something else we will be doing when he gets back from Georgia.


I honestly think... we are going thru the 7 year itch.. I mean I don't want to leave.. but we just need to rekindle what we had.. I feel as if we are on repeat nothing exciting ever happens.. romance is like.. NIL we need to get away even for just a weekend. But that won't be happening anytime soon. He goes back to Monday Tuesday off so we only have Mondays together.. I wish I knew stuff to make us feel like us again.. I just don't know where to start. Maybe getting my house out of a state of shambles will help.. OMG I'm going to go insane. Our bedroom looks like  a war zone.. I'll leave it at that.

Danny asked me last night if there is anything I WANT with the money besides a car.. I couldn't think of anything last night.. except he should know.. I really want a Dyson.. How lame is that ... I can choose anything and I pick a vacuum..?! A vacuum for pete's sake!!! I should have said a puppy LMAO.. Yeah thats asking for stress x1000 J/K Not for another few years hahahah

Now that I threw my self in to an anxiety attack.. and that this post is ALL OVER the place (sorry) I need to go vacuum.. and dust.. BADLY.

~Nicki

Some 'soul' Searching...

I think is in order.. Not sure where this road called life is taking me right now..But its been pretty difficult to say the least. It just seems some people I considered as friends .. good friends once we've just drifted apart.. People get married have kids and life goes on.. You only get stuck with a few good ones throughout your life.

  I posted a post on facebook last night
 I always feel like I try to hard at friendships...and you shouldn't have to. You should always pick up where you left off as if you haven't spoken in 20 years. I only have a few friends like this.... you know who you are. ♥
 On of the people I figured would like or comment on the post.. Didn't.. Granted I probably made her mad in an early text but still.. Its never been an issue till recently. Make me wonder if i'm even still considered a friend.. even tho I'm her son's Godmother... Which I don't think means what it should to her. A godmother should have a special bond with her godson.. Which I don't have. Her other friend is more of a godmother than me. Yeah I may not have to time to spend time with him every weekend but.. I sure try... Living over 2 hours apart and only 2 days a week off in the time I have to get things done around the house and might have some time to spend with my husband.. I hardly get to ever see Kayla because.. well we are adults now and work and have personal lives.. Its easier to see friends when they live close.. put distance in that factor and it becomes hard. I hardly even get to see my parents on a monthly basis.. heck i'm lucky to see them every 3 months!!

I've heard from someone that I don't try to spend time with them.. That is not the case.. just like her we have a money budget as well and can't go everywhere we would like when we want.. Maybe sometimes it would be nice if people would come see us? We can do things.. there are lots of outdoor things to do here that would be awesome for a kid to learn about, heck they might even go home tired!  But I guess i'll just keep doing what i'm doing and keep getting talked about behind me back.. at how horrible of a friend I am.

Also.. I'm not scared to be around other peoples kids.. Sure It might hurt a little bit..but if I can enrich a kids life and make them feel loved by someone other than their mommy and daddy I feel pretty good.. It gives me hope that one day I might be a mom.. Plus hearing that I will make a good mommy one day.. makes me feel pretty darn good. Just because  i'm infertile doesn't mean I don't  like kids.. I love and adore kids.. it pains me to see kids getting mistreated, sure pregnant belly's make my heart hurt.. but I love squishing munchkins cheeks and giving baby kisses and tickles. So don't assume I don't like being around kids.. It helps me learn what not to do as a mommy and what to do to succeed.

So I think I need to figure out where i'm at in life.. I sure don't like to get drunk all the time anymore every once in a while a few drinks is nice.. but not all the time. I love to go shopping with girl friends.. make my home look and smell pretty :) I love doing crafts, try new recipes and make my husband happy.We are more than happy to go to a friends house and eat some dinner and watch some television :) thats our idea of a good time nowadays LOL.!! We are constantly working to make our relationship better everyday. Some days are of course worse than others.. where you're just not sure what you want out of life but then you realize you have everything you could ever want and need (minus a baby in our case). I take back all I said to Danny yesterday.. after I realized I am happy.. I just have sad moments where life just comes to a head and I can't take it anymore I focus on all the bad thins that make my life seem miserable.

I have 2 wonderful doggies and 3 wonderful kitties ( I still can't stop thinking about that kitten) and a husband who love me for who I am and that's all that matters

~Nicki

Super BLAH.

Ugh.. Wish is was October already.. (i'm going to regret posting that) But I do... I still am not sure if we will get approved or not.. but I can hope. We argued back and fourth between getting me a new car.. we almost did it but the payments were just out of reach. SO. Yeah.. plus they didn't.. well couldn't find what I wanted in the Year or color.. Then a few days later I found 2.. I was pretty peeved. So.. I kept pestering Danny but he didn't say or do anything.. so I gave up.

Just so frustrating.. after driving a new car and thinking that I might just get one. Nope Danny decided that we should wait.. So once again I have to choose.. Baby or Car.. Its either wait try to get reapproved, or get a new car.. Its stupid. I hate life sometimes.

My house is a mess. I have no urge to clean...My parents are coming tomorrow to start redoing our floor... Its hotter than hell in my house.. because the swamp cooler pump went out.. FML.

PS: I almost brought home a cute little grey and white kitten <3 p="p">
~Nicki